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I, Rocio Garcia, hereby declare myself as an Independent Scientologist.

I would like to acknowledge the staff that helped me and those who extended their friendship, all those who have the best intentions but remain trapped inside the church. My experience with the COS does not compare with those of many who have truly experienced hell.

I started in 1982 at the Orange County Org, in California. I took several courses and received auditing and attested to Clear in 1989.

I continued moving and a few months later I was at AOLA for my OT levels. During the preps for these I “reaffirmed the state of Clear.”

This was funny because I didn’t even know I was running such a program until I went to attest its completion. Nevertheless this took 2 intensives.

I was on AOLA lines until I completed OT V. I was happy with the results, had many many wins and I really liked this new state.

A few months later I received a call from my auditor who informed me that I needed to “re-do” OT V because there were now new rundowns. I felt really bad and invalidated. I had no interest in these “new rundowns.” The following week I fell ill. I eventually arrived to AOLA, still ill, to re-do OT V. Once completed I was told that I should go to Flag to continue with OT VI.

For the next 10 years I focused on working and expanding our business and creating my family. I was happy and prosperous.

In 2001 the registrars started to come. In 2002 I went to the Sandcastle for the first time to route onto OT VI. As I entered the building I felt a chill all over my body. I somehow felt in danger. I communicated this to the MAA and my auditor, because I wanted to find out why I felt this way in a place where everything was supposed to be very theta. Nothing was found, and I invalidated my perception and thought it was my imagination. Two months later I returned home, without having started OT VI. I felt I made no progress.

I tried two more times in subsequent visits but again, I did not accomplish much. My auditing sessions often ended with a red tag and I did not understand what was wrong with me. I decided I was done with auditing. I just didn’t want it anymore.

From 2001 to 2007 there was much tension with the registrars. An infinity of calls, unannounced home visits late at night, even a KR written on my husband for “failing to donate the expected amount” and accusing him of being PTS to me. Such was my displeasure with such cycles that in 2007 Clive Rabey ordered the registrars at Flag to leave me alone.

In 2006 my husband had to got to Flag for a refresher, and my kids and I accompanied him. During this time, I was approached by a senior executive and he asked me for one more chance and asked me to go in session. I agreed. The new auditor had me try different cans, wrist straps, the solo cans, a heater directed at my feet, a small fan directed at my face, a folded-up blanket to rest my hand on, a very comfortable chair that he brought in, a special soap to wash my hands with, etc., etc., etc.

I was finally informed that they had found my problem. I ended up with a set-up that included two solo cans on my right hand, the very comfortable chair, the heater at my feet and the fan at my face, and the examiner would always come to the auditing room.

This was the WHY. This was the final solution to all my auditing difficulties.

So the auditing resumed and we run several correction lists. All that was found was BPC on past auditing at Flag and while re-doing OT V at AOLA.

Just when I started that to think I was making some progress, a new auditor took me in session. The R-factor was “quick interview.”

Once in session, he asked me to define “reactive mind.” I gave her the definition as I remembered it from the dictionary, and she ended the session. Soon after I was sent to Qual where I was told I was not Clear.

I tried to be strong but I could not help repressing some tears. I left Qual as the Qual officer, Susan, was asking me “are you OK?”

Soon after I was in session once again in my quest for the ever elusive state of Clear. This was yet another “advanced program.”

I then finally started OT VI, and while reading the books I fell ill again. I returned home and went to see a doctor. He prescribed a medication that made it possible for me to move my body.

I told the Flag terminals I could not go back because I was taking this medication but they told me this would not interfere with auditing so they pushed for my return to complete OT VI.

So in June of 2008 I was once again at Flag, and having completed part A of OT VI, the first order of business was another advanced program which consisted of auditing OT IV actions, followed by another advanced program which consisted of some OT V rundowns, followed by another advanced program which consisted of the FPRD basic list.

I was now ready to start my eligibility check.

It went fairly smoothly but right toward the end, I was told that I needed to wear the wrist straps, so we moved away from the ideal, case-cracking set-up previously found. This proved not to be such a good idea. The wrist straps caused high TA so the auditor had someone turn off the air conditioning to our room. This caused me to sweat profusely and a skin rash, so the sessions had to be stopped every 2 to 5 minutes, to wipe off the sweat on my wrist and forearm.

The auditor confided that “we were almost done,” but the next day I was informed that there were more questions added by the C/S. We continued to work on these new questions for about two weeks. But I did complete the eligibility!

I was sent to see the MAA who told me there were no KRs from the eligibility check, but he did want me to read the policy that talks about the requirement for participation. He then told me I would “have to join the OT committee” once I return home. I told him I would not do that, I would participate in other ways but I would not join the OT committee. He left it at that.

So I was on my way and when I started part C, I was told to get my own wrist straps and was sent to Qual to work out their set up for solo. The straps never really worked on me as I would have to get them off to wipe the sweat off every 2 to 5 minutes. But after a few drills, I was sent back to the course room and began solo auditing.

I was doing OK, no red tags, but the C/S sent me back to Qual and had them look into the frequent session interruptions due to the constant removal of the straps. For several days, I reported to Qual every day on a full time basis, and tried innumerable ways of wearing the straps without having to remove them due to sweat. No luck. Finally the Qual sup just had me try the normal set-up, with solo cans, just like everybody. This seemed to work fine so he sent me back to the course room.

So I started solo auditing again but the very next day was sent back to Qual. The C/S wanted to know why I was auditing with the solo cans. At this point I was not very happy and it was probably evident, because my next action was to go in session to “find out what was happening with me.” The session uncovered BPC.

Back in Qual I told the sup that I would not use the wrist straps anymore. So he sent me to an interview with his senior, Susan. She said I could not hold the cans with my left hand so the only way was to hold the cans with my right hand (I am right-handed) and write the worksheets with the left hand. She sent me away to drill it. I tried, I really tried but I just couldn’t learn to write all over again with my non-writing hand.

I went to see Susan again and she asked me how it was going. I told her I just couldn’t write with my left hand. She said: “the only way you are ever going to solo audit is when you learn to write with your left hand.”

I told her I was done and I would leave the base. I then informed other terminals as well that I would be leaving.

A few days later my auditor insisted I go in session but I refused. He told me that I was bound by the “contract” I had signed with the church. I asked “what contract?” He said it didn’t matter whether or not I had read it, the fact was I had signed it.

I knew my decision to leave the base like that could stir up trouble at home, since my husband had recently completed OT VIII, was swimming in Kool-Aid, and I could not freely communicate with him. But I had had enough. I left. My illness was now chronic.

Later, I looked on the Internet for the “contract I had signed,” and what I found left me dumbfounded. I completely read for the first time the enrollment forms I and everyone else signs prior to starting a service at Flag. I had not realized how much power I had granted the church over me. Then I found the stories and experiences of so many other people. My heart grew heavy. I also found a blog that gave me hope.

On November of 2010, I visited Mr. Marty Rathbun at Casablanca. I arrived sad and broken. I spent five fabulous days receiving auditing I really needed. I got exactly what I wanted that addressed my concerns and condition. I did not have a heater on my feet, or a fan on my face, or the wrist-straps. Gone were the special soap and blankets and even the magic chair! Instead what I had was incredible wins and I regained my health, my well-being, stability and self-confidence. I am truly grateful and I know I can count on Marty and Mosey for anything. They are honest people with a very clean space and I felt peace next to them.

Now, a few months later, I do not feel overwhelmed, I have a well-balanced happy life, I don’t use much effort to accomplish tasks and my kids continue to grow happily.

I am auditing on Solo NOTS with great wins. I am finally flourishing and prospering… outside the “church.”

Love,

Rocio Garcia