The Only Pay There Is For Living

Shortly more than a month ago on this blog Mike Rinder predicted the following:

“Next up on the Vulture Culture agenda, once all personal possessions, teeth fillings and hair are sold off:


You can review that posting here:

Well, now that I have reviewed the latest Ideal Org promo Scientology Inc is sending out, I suppose I will never accuse Mike Rinder of using hyperbole again.  Please be sure you are sitting before you get a load of this one:

And on the brighter side of life, don’t forget the only pay there really is for living:

Well, if you’re going to live life without feeling, without sensation, communication, ARC, understanding and a few other minor quantities, why live?  Why live?  Why not just be a — just take the cog out of the machinery that one is and just go out and lie down in a field someplace and expire, because there’s no point in it; because the things I’ve named are the pay you get for living; and there’s no other pay.

The pay is communication, sensation, ARC, understanding, cooperative endeavor, enthusiam over goals, activity; the feeling one is going and doing something.  These are the only payments that can be made to one for living.  There are some things that try to substitute for them: mink coats, Cadillacs, and big bank accounts. Person says, “Well, if  could just make a couple of million, then I would’ve been paid for it.” Well, ou and i know the answer to that. We see some of these follows that slaved through it for 20-25-30 years, let everything go by the boards but that first couple of million, or something like that, and there they sit in the preclear’s chair with ulcers. They were paid, apparently; they were apparently paid; paid in cash — but they weren’t paid in communication, sensation, understanding, feeling of a job well done, ARC. These payments they didn’t get, and it made them sick!  So there is something real about living, and that something real is life.

-L Ron Hubbard, 29 December 1957, Experience – Randomity and Change of Pace, from Ability Congress

180 responses to “The Only Pay There Is For Living

  1. Mouth agape ……………………………..!

    I wouldn’t have believed it. And now I do.

  2. Sara Finning

    Warning should include those who are eating. Dental gold work? Yuck….

    Wonder what Mike’s next prediction will be?

  3. Hello!
    I have quite a few gold teeth, I was wondering, can Mr. Bishop extract them at the event? I am a little short of cash and don’t know if I can afford to have my dentist remove them…, or should I pull them out at home before attending the event? Anyway, see you at the War Room!

  4. Oh, and don’t forget the very expensive metal in replacement hips (and knees and shoulders?).

    I think of that quote every time I take time off in the middle of a beautiful weekday afternoon, climb on a bike, ride up a hill and then coast back down the hill…the speed, the feel of the bike beneath me, the wind and sun in my hair and on my face……that’s pay for living!


  5. Virgil Samms

    What a great quote! Thanks Marty and thanks Mike for your insight.

    Dental Gold Work? Are you shitting me? Give us your DENTAL GOLD WORK? I mean what is the process for that? Do you go into the org and see a little old man with dental tools who asks you “Is it Safe?” I’m sorry but that reminds me of a small place in Poland circa 1943. This is now into really dramatizing the Nazi valence.

    ML Tom

  6. The orgs in Australia are being turned into beauty salons, and now the orgs here in Arizona are being turned into cash for gold businesses.

    I am thinking that DM is field testing the idea that Orgs can be rapidly re-developed into maintream business outlets. After all, he isn’t focusing on creating Clears and OT’s at these orgs. That would be too on policy for him.

    Soon we will see Starbucks and Cinnabun outlets in the orgs. DM must be salivating at the idea. Not only is the upside potential in real estate appreciation there, but he can pump PC’s with enough caffiene and sugar to keep them roller-coasting for months on end. The repair line revenue alone from this would be formidable. But, wait…..what PCs? They would be busy shopping and doing business. There would be no pc’s.


  7. Don’t go into the door that says shower after an event.

  8. What immediately hit me in thought when I read the jewelry advert is trade,trade, trade. Battlefield Earth. Terl. Leverage. Rat brain.

  9. Watching Eyes

    People are supposed to bring their gold to the Idle Org WAR ROOM. War room??? Silly question, I know, but who are they fighting? God, they need to be yanked into PT!

  10. Just arrived back from a 5:00 am visit to the local jetty, where I watched early risers catching garfish and admired the yachts moored at the yacht club. There’s a light, warm offshore breeze and as I returned to my car about 50 cyclists pedalled past furiously, with lights blinking front and rear and chatting amongst themselves.

    The sun isn’t even up yet, but I’ve been paid in full today. And strangely I had been contemplating this very matter before I went out: when life is dull and predictable, where’s the payoff? Thanks for being in tune and promptly supplying the answer.

  11. And on the brighter side, as per LRH … except I never knew Cof$ back in the LRH days to accept ARC and good feelings in exchange for auditing, it was always cash.


  12. Sapere Aude

    Amazing. Telling the world that this is a NON standard org. LRH policy is very clear “There is no valuable production. There is no money.” PL 25 Jan 71. “To be viable, it must have a fair and valuable exchange with an area outside its perimeter in a volume adequate to its needs. To expand, it must strengthen its purposes and increase its lines and terminals and multiply its exchange above the rate of its consumption.” HCO PL 20 Aug 82 LRH.

    Rather than do the usual, deliver a product one is willing to exchange for and expanding with the exchange. Squirrel administration – collect dental fillings, silver place settings, etc. That “church” is admitting to the world it isn’t valuable enough to the people of that area that they would exchange for it. Instead, lets push people to just outflow their unwanted but still slightly valuable mest. I think better of a beggar in the street with a cardboard sign. At least he is being honest -no PR.

    Any lurking staff reading the above posting from Phoenix – is this what Ron would do?

  13. Tory Christman

    Good Gawd~! Each day it seems, we find out they’ve stooped just a little
    big lower, and some days, a LOT lower. This is a dive into depths I cannot believe they put in writing. “church” of $cientology? Oh baby—give me those gold crowns~!

  14. I don’t know about everyone else, but I’m about ready to print that flier up, march right into the nearest org and DEMAND to know what policy that is based on? It’s time to shove KSW #1 Right Down Their Freaking Throats!!!

    To hell with who’s been declared.
    To with what they think of me, us, whoever.
    To hell with any PR flying around the internet about the church these days…

    FREAKING SLAM IN K.S.W. # 1 !!! With a goddamn Atomic Branding Iron!!!

    I’m sorry… just a tad pissed.
    I’ll shut up now.
    My apologies.

  15. Marty, Ole Sarge is getting ‘sudden’ again. Its obvious that the ‘Church’ is dead. There is NO Int management. This is so in your face off policy and noone is correcting the out ethics. Where is the Sea Org? They are the ones pushing this off policy BS and yes, LRH would get so ‘sudden’ over this blatant out ethics off policy BS. If he were around now (and who’s to say he’s not) heads would roll. And I know they will. Love

  16. Expelled 4 Life


  17. Watching Eyes

    Next they’ll be telling people where to go sell their blood. Just make sure to bring the cash back to the WAR ROOM.
    The DB’s are not just sitting at the top of the org board. It extends all the way down and encompasses anyone still toting the party line.

  18. Dang it, Marty! You’re getting me STARTED!!!

    It’s bad enough KNOWING this crap is going on, but to SEE it in PT is about to piss me off ad infinitum!

    M.R.: If I quit reading your blog, it won’t because you’ve been declared, etc. It’ll be because all the TRUTH you are reporting is sending my F’ing blood pressure through the GD ROOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Fracking Miscavige. sonuvabitch

    Anyone no an auditor close by? I could sure use some ruds flown right about now.

  19. Marty,
    Feel free to delete the H,E, & R. I’m sure you have enough from other sources. Don’t need more from me.

  20. one of those who see

    I can’t do this! OK. Breath. Read. Breath, Read. Dental Gold Work????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!

  21. No kidding:
    Check cashing stores
    Cash for Gold
    Pawn Shops
    Liqour stores
    Used cars dealerships
    Consignment stores for furniture and clothing

    Come on, people! What other ideas? His Holyness is waiting!
    There’s gotta be some other suck on the ignorant and down-trodden that I haven’t listed yet!

    Damn the auditing… GET THOSE DONATIONS!!!

  22. I hear Miscavige wanted to donate his liver but it was too damaged even for them.

  23. scilonschools

  24. Oh my… they’re no better than battlefield scavengers, disgusting.
    Next I would imagine something like blood bank collections now available in Div 6! Give generously, every drop counts.
    Please, someone put that animal out of its misery!

  25. Kathy Braceland

    BEAUTIFUL reference! Yes…life is good…life is grand!

    The promo piece…wow. The Ideal Org War Room? What’s that?

  26. Bozz, I wish the following were OTDT-style hilariousness. But I’ve read about every one of them here on this blog.

    * Talent shows that are an opening beard for hysterical come-to-jaysus! regging sessions
    * Planned giving (when you die leave all your worldly possessions to us instead of your kids)
    * Your first-born, your second-born, your third-born (that is, if you’re even allowed to procreate)

    Just Me

  27. Seller Beware!!!

  28. Sarge, I’m right there with ya. It’s all I can do to NOT pick up the phone, get the Austin OSA rep on the phone, the LRH Comm, ED, SOMEBODY… and start having some *** for lunch!

    If intention could inflict pain… there’d be a whole lota people doubled over right now.

    I know what I’ll do… I’m going to take a walk!

  29. Sarge, right on!

  30. Cowboy Poet

    What ignorant bastards.

  31. Nice one Sarge. It is indeed tantamount to when we had one of our dwarfs was pick pocketed at Asgard. Loki commented on how she thought it was considerably remarkable how anyone would stoop so low.

  32. Cowboy Poet

    Staff with cardboard signs on the street corner will be next.

  33. Impartial English Girl

    WHAT?!?! Here, in England, a certain section of the community puts leaflets like this through peoples’ doors. There is a name for these individuals – but I am not going to use it here.

    Dear God – people being asked to flog their trinkets and personal jewellery – while fortunes are flung with wild abandon at anything that Tom Cruise desires. DM really IS a Fagin for the 21st century. What next? Prostitution?! A knocking-shop to raise funds for the NEXT Ideal Org. This is WAY beyond belief – It actually makes me feel physically ill.

  34. Does anyone know if DM is related to Hitler? He (Hitler) pushed his people to hand in gold, silver etc and of course the Jewish people paid the highest price and of course the gold came out of the mouths…..has any news people seen this?…..Truly this is one for the books……and if you hand in your gold etc you don’t even get the money it goes to the church!!!! Hello……. anyone out there in Scientology land actually buying this crap?

  35. Enough Already

    No, no, no– suggested donations go WAY beyond mere gold.

    The following is a verbatim reprint of an e-mail sent out by San Diego Org to its public almost 3 years ago:

    “Do you have items of value that you no longer have a use for?

    “Bring them in to the San Diego Org no later than July 22 (2008). Your items will be liquidated and the proceeds will go directly to the Ideal Org Building Fund.

    “Such items include gold or silver jewelry, broken chains, old rings, other jewelry with or without diamonds or gemstones, leaded crystal, cut glass, figurines, fine china, Swiss watches, and vintage items and antiques.”

    I originally found this quote on the Friends of LRH website back in 2008 and then verified it for myself by contacting the San Diego Org personally. You can find it at:
    (See the category “Fundraising”)


  36. Really, huh?!

  37. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any lower…new all time lows are achieved! There’s a stat for ya! 😦

  38. Ha, you didn’t loose your sense of humor.

  39. I wonder if DM is planning to do a “Soupy Sales” next?

  40. Crashingupwards

    Next may be Plasma and organs for sale. Sweat and tears have no value but plasma can be sold. Maybee get out of the RPF if you donate a kidney. Harvest your organs at the friendliest place in the world. If this is not the bottom it is pretty close. Every staff member will be keeping another graph on number of pints donated. The wake continues as we say good-bye and bury an old friend.

  41. Expelled 4 Life

    When Sarge posts I listen. Ditto for Dan.

  42. Graviora_Manent

    This is a man who turned orgs into beauty salons, spas and now this shit. Don’t give him ideas, Centurion. Seriously. You know, it’s not actually a bad business plan to rent out ground floor space to retail stores, such as Starbucks, Subway, etc. if you own a commercial building. It would bring in people and money. Considering DM strives to accomplish anything but making auditors and OT’s, we might just see this happen as well. It would not surprise me at all.

  43. Centurion, what a great idea!
    Dear Leader can get more BIS – bodies in the shop up and vertical with the addition of coffee and Krispy Kreme in the orgs! Perfect with his Real Estate biz similar to Mickey D’s franchises!

    Perhaps there will also be signs which are in vogue of : “We take Gold” (instead of “We buy gold”) outside the Orgs.

  44. Bozz, after reading Thoughtful’s article on his blog, entitled The “Plot” to take over the church”, section on Silver Lining…well that did it for me.
    I know what is left inside the C of M.

  45. “Coffee & Snacks will be served”
    In that case ‘ahhhhhh’ (offering up my gold fillings)

  46. Tony DePhillips

    I have an extra kidney that I’m not using…

  47. This communication was spurred by the above post and other posts on this blog, but mostly by my own re-study of LRH policy and tech, and my observation of the actions of individuals at all levels of the church of scientology.

    In fact, there is no church of “scientology.” There is a group of people calling themselves such, but they are in fact members of the church of Miscavology. There is no real similarity between what was the CoS and what is now the CofM.

    When I requested a refund from the CofM I did not receive a response from them. I received a response from Moxin and Kobrin stating, “We have no legal obligation to refund your money.”

    My wife and I were defrauded by people “claiming” to be using scientology and really using miscavology. I was not informed of this vital fact. The programming, c/sing and auditing were the most disgusting excuse for LRH tech that I’ve ever seen. The Flag service org is a squirrel group, it is NOT a scientology group. It is a behavior-modification implant station.

    If those individuals involved in the CoM wish to worship the golden cow (or the golden tooth) and praise mighty davy, they are free to do so.

    Following is an excerpt from HCO POLICY LETTER OF 23 OCTOBER 1963

    I think it expresses quite nicely the difference between the way L Ron Hubbard handles things and the way David Miscavige and his minions handle things.

    “In a careful review of refunds and in the light of my own experience with persons demanding refunds, and due to two recent upsets in organizations (Australia and London) regarding refunds, the following data may be of assistance.
    In 13 years involving hundreds of thousands of hours of processing and millions of dollars of income, in any organization where I was assuming direct command I have always promptly and immediately caused to be refunded every penny of the money paid by any person who was dissatisfied with his or her processing. This has been the Consistent policy I myself have worked with.
    In all that time I have only refunded about $3,500.
    This is due in part to ensuring a certainty of results in any HGC and working hard to make sure the pc gets results, regardless of the current style or mode of processing.
    This low amount of refund is also due in part to my firm policy that persons who demand refunds may have them exactly according to the Code of a Scientologist, but that any person demanding or accepting refunds thereafter shall be refused as an HGC preclear and posted for the information of field auditors.
    I have only worked then with these three policies:
    1. Refund at once in full any refund demanded;
    2. Work hard with tech staff to ensure good results;
    3. Forbid the sale of further processing to anyone receiving a
    refund and make the case known to Scientologists.
    It is notable that all but one refund were made to persons with histories of insanity who had been accepted unwittingly for processing.
    Recently Australia was sufficiently remiss in following the Code of a Scientologist as to incur potential legal action. I did not understand why and investigated. The facts resulted in my sending a cable to the Continental Director requesting that he do the usual-Refund the money and locate the by-passed charge. The case promptly resolved. What was shocking to me is that he had not immediately refunded, whatever else he did. Of course he was absent when the incident occurred, but still his first thought on finding the matter out should have been to refund the money, not because of threatened legal action, but because AN ORGANIZATION IS BOUND BY THE CODE OF A SCIENTOLOGIST.
    A Central Organization is as successful as it gives good technical service.
    A tough refund policy injects aberrated stable data against the confusion of bad or poor technical service. A mild refund policy keeps technical on its toes.
    The world of Scientology is based on ARC and held together with ARC. Bad technical and tough attitudes concerning the remedy of poor service break down this world.
    My own often repeated policy to my personal staff is “Give them what they want and keep them happy.” That sounds like a very indefinite policy indeed. But it makes people face up to and handle individual confusions as they occur, each on its own merits, it presupposes people are basically good and it is successful…”

    It is now fully obvious that those promoting and building the church of miscavology are fixated on golden palaces, ignorant slaves and socially acceptable MEST.
    Not only are they not confident in their ability to “solve it with scientology”…they don’t even know what the hell that means.

    For several years I’ve been asking myself the question, “if they cleaned up their act, would I ever again support the “official” church of scientology.” Now I have my answer.
    There IS no church of “scientology.” It is dead and burried. All that remains is a certifiable SP with a few thousand minions who are fraudlently using and hoarding some copyrights for completely nefarious purposes.

    Fortunately for all of us who wish to see, there is LRH tech, free to use with ARC and good-will to our fellow man.

    Sorry it didn’t work out the way you had planned, Ron. But, take heart, it is working out.

  48. I’ll send the wedding ring from the marriage that the church destroyed…

  49. Bob Peterson

    I thought I was beyond being surprised by anything the entrenched, moss covered corporate Scientology could come up with. Man, was I wrong. I had to listen to a recording of an old Nelson Eddy song in order to stop laughing.

  50. I don’t care how brainwashed you are, how completely and totally invested in the cult, how fully you have swallowed the party line; that promo piece just smacks of desperation. There is no way to spin this that doesn’t sound like you are scrounging for loose change in the sofa cushions.

    Note to cult: when you start asking people to give you the fillings out of their teeth they WILL smell the fear. That’s all some people will need to finally send them looking for answers, and you know where people look for answers in this day and age. Yup. THE INTERNET.

  51. Azul Celeste

    I knew about it from the previous article, but seeing it again still makes me want to cry. I spoke to two Scn’s in the last month who are “over the moon” with the Ideal Org push and the new books. What level of not-knowingness do you have to consent to in order to think all this is “awesome”? The Factors, guys, The Factors!!!

  52. I expect that after scouring the diminutive madman’s out-basket-for-shredding OTDT is going to find a new mini-hat for reges: the “Dentition Removal Mini-Hat for Reges and MAAs”.

    I can hardly wait to see the checksheet.

  53. Sudden Sarge.

    Thank you!

  54. Jethro Bodine

    They’re almost to the point of requesting donations of body parts. I have one good kidney that I don’t really need.

    BTW, re the dental work – will they do the extraction for free? Or is there anyone here with a bottle of vodka and a pair of pliers? I really want to flow to my Idle Org.

  55. I laughed out loud when I read”Is it safe?” because I was thinking the same thing. One of the scariest scenes of Marathon Man is coming to life. And, no, it’s not funny.

    What’s even scarier is that someone or someones are giving themselves high fives for being so creative in their fundraising ideas. These guys are so far detached from independent thought that they can’t see how far off purpose they have gone.

  56. theo Sismanides

    Dear Sarge, go as ‘sudden’ as you want. You have every right in the world. You got to know of a Sea Org which was made through sweat and policy by a man who you got to know much better from many others this life time. And you saw the product so this is why you love it. And I loved it, too and I still do. I still believe in the Sea Org because it is not just this planet. This is not just an Earth group. The parody of the Sea Org which exists today does not mean the Sea Org is NOT a Universal group. Here on Earth we just fucked it up as we usually do on this planet. Sure LRH would go sudden. And heads will roll. Absolutely right.

  57. Just reading this post, I shared in your “paid in full”. Thanks!

  58. Oh, it’s war! WWIII is in full bloom, didn’t you know that? The SP’s are everywhere nowadays, spread all over the world and are more than all the people there are. There are ghosts and demons and those poor guys are constantly overwhelmed by them. The FBI and the Martians are scheming 24/7 and they never know where the next attack comes from. Only once in a while some inside information is accidentally leaked on the web, when Marty is a bit careless and smart spies are able to decipher the hidden messages but usually they never know an attack until they’re in the middle of it.

    It’s war and the war room is essential to survival of their MEST. Every Scientologist should pay all he can and more to the war chest and devote all the work he can and provide all the energy he has to make the Temples of Doom survive. Everybody knows that this is the highest priority in all of Scientology. It’s the greatest good and happens to be command intention. You’re either donating all your teeth or you have other fish to fry. You’re either in huge debts or in ethics. You either work 24/7 or you’re stopping Scientology. You’re either with Davey or with the SP’s that will never get their Bridge.

    Oh, the war is real because over the past decade the numbers of Scientologists are decimated but there’s hope because as soon as all the Temples are fully paid, those that weren’t yet secretly sold will go for a bargain price. The $$$$ should have been fully laundered and reinvested in a private island including the police force and all politicians in Bulgravia. And it’ll have to be done very soon because the suppressive G20 is exposing all the laundering routes.

  59. Or the guy that assures you that “ze musac iz vor var enter-taiiiin-ment ownleee pleeeese ztep hinto za showarrrs…..”

  60. I agree Sargio!

    If Ron saw this there’d be *new* management in a New York minute.

    *Sudden* would be the word.

    Sudden like a lightning bolt!

    Davy if you or any of your friends are reading this I suggest grabbin’ on to those copper grounding rods real tight now and don’t let go.

    Jus’ some friendly advice 😉

  61. OK, that’s a good one CD.

  62. Michael Fairman

    They are going to ask for blood next. Last time I gave for cash as a struggling actor in the 50’s, it went for $20 per pint. Let’s see ,counting for inflation and no overheard for the bloodletters, a pint of premium should go for at least 50 bucks. They could build an org on every other corner Starbucks style. Wait!
    here’s another idea. After one gives blood, he needs a little refreshment –
    go right to the orange juice and muffin concession. There’s a fortune waiting in the wings. Eventually the orgs can be turned into mini Home Depots! It’s unending. Excuse me, I have to head to the john,

  63. Floating Needle


    That is definitely the epitome of an Ideal Org!

  64. Wow. The Co$ and Glenn Beck have a lot in common.

  65. Watch out with that “mouth agape,” stuff. They didn’t say the dental fillings had to be out of your mouth already. Is there a guy at the org with a pair of pliers? LOL

  66. Considering that a gold tooth that would net $500 would cost $1500 or so to replace, it would be a mighty fine sacrifice on your part to put off your own comfort this way, son!

  67. My god, McGins, I think Grandma had a couple of those titanium hips! Maybe we should dig her up!

  68. Bozz,

    I had a few ideas right after I read Mike’s original blog on the subject. I wrote them to Marty in an email as a joke. He asked me to publish them but I thought they were too far out and really not in good taste.

    Well I just changed my mind.

    I couldn’t find the original email so I will just repeat the best one I remember.

    There is a business practice called “factoring”. This is where you have high quality accounts receivables but since you don’t want to wait for the money to come in you go to a “factor”, he gives you the money (at a discount) right away and then he collects it from the person who was going to pay you.

    We also have people who sell their organs at death (eyes, kidneys, heart, etc).

    What if we combine the 2 concepts? You’d have something like this:
    Poster reads:


    “When you drop the body what use will your organs be to you? Exactly. Of no use at all. If you sign with us, we will set up a “donor” program where once you no longer need them we will sell them to medical groups for use in transplants. We also have signed an agreement with a local bank where upon receipt of eveidence that you are participating in this program, they will advance us the funds, at a discount of course, so we can use it to build your org NOW! You will even be able to take the tax deduction now on the value the bank assigns to your organs! It’s a win-win situation all around.
    (Note: Discounts vary based on health, condition of organs and remaining life expectancy. )

    Sign up TODAY!”

    So the problem is solved. Everyone has organs and no one needs them after they’re gone. This should sell like hotcakes. Start manning those phones. The lines are likely to be very busy.

    So, Bozz, I hope this meets with your approval as another way to donate.


  69. Gary Morehead a.k.a Jackson

    Hey David Miscavige!!!

    I’m guessing you’ve sent in your wife’s – Shelly Miscavige – engagement ring behind her back right!

    It’s obvious you no longer love her! What kind of man removes his wife from public view!! Oh, the kind of sadistic inhumane man who calls himself a religious leader!!

    Let’s not forget the public image now is that your door swings both ways by your having crossed swords with your BFF and walk around
    publically allowing Lou to hold your wallet securely in the crack of your ass!

    How’s that for “Sudden” you little prick!!

    Geeze this “bright idea” pisses me off!!

    Cheers my friends!!

  70. theo Sismanides

    Ecco l’ Italiano. Yes, no longer part of THIS church. Liberi!!!

  71. one of those who see

    A little off this particular topic. But not our on going subject. I am looking forward to seeing the movie Jane Erye that is coming soon.
    A relevant quote from Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte (Marty, I thought you would like this one)
    “Appearance should not be mistaken for truth; narrow human doctrines, that only tend to elate and magnify a few, should not be substituted for the world-redeeming creed of Christ. There is — I repeat it — a difference; and it is a good, and not a bad action to mark broadly and clearly the line of separation between them. The world may not like to see these ideas dissevered, for it has been accustomed to blend them; finding it convenient to make external show pass for sterling worth — to let white-washed walls vouch for clean shrines. It may hate him who dares to scrutinise and expose — to rase the gilding, and show base metal under it — to penetrate the sepulchre, and reveal charnel relics: but hate as it will, it is indebted to him.”

  72. (this just in from Keokuk Org…)


    Donate your unwanted blubber to JOE’S FIGHT CLUB SOAP FACTORY where it will be turned into luxurious bath soap products and wholesaled to high end department stores like Saks Fifth Avenue, Harrods, etc.

    Come to the org this Saturday night and join in on the liposuction party where you will be exchanging your fat for a coupon good for a 10% discount off your purchase of any Joe’s Fight Club Soap coming soon to a high end department store near you.

    Your fat will be melted down and turned into soap which will be used to fund the purchase of YOUR Ideal Org right here in Keokuk!

    Joe’s FC Soap Factory will donate 100% of the profits from his soaps for the next year as part of attaining HIS next status level of Elitist Broketorious.

    We will be holding these liposuction events every six months, with prizes for Most Amount of Fat Personally Donated.

    So that the really in-ethics and dedicated warriors can prepare themselves to WIN, we’ve included here a special Fat Bastards for Freedom diet to start now so you’ll be fully prepared to donate six months from now:

    Total Freedom Daily diet:

    5 lbs bacon
    3 loaves white bread
    2 lbs macaroni and cheese
    Cake, candy, ice cream
    1 lb butter
    More bacon
    More pudding
    Carbs, carbs, and more carbs

    OK, let’s see how fast we can eat our way to a brand new Ideal Org!

    SEE YOUR LARD ASS AT THE ORG! (and remember, keep that exercise to a minimum)

  73. Ditto to that.

  74. It sure is amazing that the CULT brags how it’s growing and expanding like never before yet sends out this desperate plea for money! This is the MOST ridiculous thing I have read to date. I thought the haircut shit was bad, but now GOLD CROWNS? Oh Davey you are such a moron! Hell, watch out because next time the SO will come knocking on your door with a dentist~~

  75. These are the type of people who declared ME suppressive.

  76. “Mr. Jim Bishop is a professional gold and silver buyer?”
    Using org comm lines to drum up business for yourself much Mr. Bishop?
    Oooh! Love the ‘bling bingo’ idea. Exactly what I would envision an OT committee to be doing:

  77. “… E-Meter raffle????”

  78. Tony DePhillips

    Here is a candidate for your program…

  79. Haha…

    Yes, we are all waiting OTDT’s leaked DOX. I’m betting there are a lot more “bright ideas” for fund-raising yet to be revealed.

  80. Yes, Sinar. I’ll bet DM is just going cocka-hoop over the idea of bringing in some top-flight franchises to fill in all that dead space in the orgs. He looks at the purif area and he sees a Jamba Juice there. And in his glory, he will slap the staff around until they perfect a cal-mag smoothie that Tom Cruise likes. The real DM is manifesting before our eyes. He has seen his destiny of being a religious leader fulfilled – and now, the spoils!!

    And event attendees and IAS trophy holders think he was building orgs to create OT’s?? Bwaaaahhahahahahahahahahahaha!

  81. Phoenix has been doing that one for a couple years.

    They do a lot of stuff like that.

    They actually, literally, no shitting, have fundraising barbecues.

    They may be working on the patented combs. If someone gave them the idea they would do it for donations$$$.

    That they have three staff and two public and do not deliver Scientology isn’t an outpoint.

    That they don’t have a huge multimillion dollar building is the big obvious outpoint.

    Phoenix has an enormous amount of undelivered services and is out exchange. They have a small group of captive public who are herded up for events and to squeeze money out of.

  82. I don’t know why, amidst all this other over the top shit, that one made me laugh so hard. But it did. Tony, keep your kidney. Please.

  83. Good one.

  84. Also, they keep posting this on the public bulletin board so new people, of which luckily there are none, can see it.

    This is not one bad promo, this is the culture of the Phoenix Org. This promo piece is not from uplines, it’s from the OT committee/Ideal Org Fundraising team. They are being OT by getting you to donate all your money and assume crippling debt that will destroy your personal finances, put your family in danger and sink your business.
    Do the people doing this donate much? No not really. They are doing their part by getting others to donate.

  85. Dental gold work??
    The writer has either never heard of what happened in Auschwitz or just doesn’t care.

  86. LOL!

    Cat, that is only the “final solution” only after all possible other extractions can be made.

  87. ΘTater/GaryLerner

    Yep… leaning back in the GAT (golden age torture) Dental Chair and just feeling ALL of that love as the pliers (sans novacaine) go to work…. visions of davey dancin’ in my head (little golden thongs, merry-go-round style). AND all of this for an “Honor Status” for the I.O.B!!!

  88. Hey, Bozz, the real definition of HE&R is something like, “a negative reaction you get from a person when you try to lead him toward survival goals.” I would say that reacting badly to the things Miscavage is trying to lead you toward, is not HE&R.

  89. It just occurred to me there’s another possible angle to this. Public and staff can donate their gold fillings to the Idol Org, ONLY IF the fillings are extracted by WISE-member dentists who will overcharge public a WISE-approved “Idle Org gold filling extraction rate,” half of which will be donated to the IAS.

    The donor can then buy WISE- and IAS-approved non-gold replacement crowns, for which they will be charged varying amounts depending on their current IAS patron status. For example, a Patronus Gluteus Maximus (PGM) can pay $25,000 for a crown that would cost an IAS Junior Patron only $2,500. Of course, any PGM who wants to move on up to Patronus Humanitarianus Rectumus status can do so by paying $50,000 for their new replacement crown.

    And for those five lucky people devoted enough to donate their gold fillings and $1,000,000 apiece to the IAS during this limited time program, they will also receive, free of charge, a full diamond grill on their top four incisors. Plus, the top grill of any single $5,000,000 donor (only one allowed per year) will be embedded with a lighted halogen-display that flashes “DM – TC – DM – TC.”

    Just Me

  90. How about those extra brain cells? Those should bring a pretty good price. LOL

  91. This is only surprising if we expect the “church” to have something to do with Scientology. Other than besmirching the name, it doesn’t. These guys would send your body to the knacker-man to get melted down for a couple of bucks when you drop the meat pop-sickle.

    Excellent reference! So cussing true. Why spend life yoked to the insatiable gaping maw?

  92. Jackson,
    This latest idea gives a whole new meaning to the “GOLD” base. What’s next, ‘bring out your dead’?

    This is so under the bottom it’s impossible to grasp. It IS incomprehensible. It’ll make you bonkers trying to comprehend.


  93. ΘTater/GaryLerner

    Oh Jeez!!! Now you’ve done it! Davey “the gravedigger” Miscavige is going to fire off a mission to “procure” non-ferrous metals from our dearly (or not so) departed. Wow! And I thought human sacrifices of the “living” was gruesome! You know, I just had a thought… Dr Davey could reanimate the past dead bodies he and his regging crew have sucked all of their lives out of and Re-Reg the dead (or the undead as the case may be).

    I can see it now…. Golden Tech of Re-Regging! Hey! they can use those fancy spinning chairs in the not yet ever-to-be completed Power Building! They can be used to “extract” the remaining non-ferrous metals from the yet-to-be Re-Animated bodies fresh from their eternal (not if davey has anything to do with it) resting places.

    Sorry for the “Igor” rant. 🙂 – hehehehe

  94. “Ideal Sperm and Egg Banks” are next. Those are worth MONEY!

  95. Well- there are a couple of people in Arizona that are probably disgusted by this. Of course, they don’t originate it, and when they go in session its a missed w/h.

    So, they pay 20,000 in out tech auditing fixing a missed w/h that should never have never been a w/h to begin with.

    And they lost their gold fillings.

    And their silver set they got for their wedding.

    Sucks to be in Arizona.

    Thankfully, they can go to Flag and get it all handled.

    At Flag, money isn’t important. Its all about theta and the intention to facilitate in the healing process of individuals. 🙂 🙂

  96. “… E-Meter raffle????”

    Oh yeah those have going on since the mid ’90’s at least in fact my 2d and I wrote the staff at AO up for having one of course saying in the KR that it directly violated the PL on “Contests and Prizes” and were told that the terminals we named in the KR were beyond reproach and would never violate LRH policy.

    Like WTF?????????

    I’m sure you’d get the same or a similar response from these guys if you mentioned the PL on “Org Programming” or the “Magic of Good Management” or something like that.

    Though we may have erred in not enquiring what they meant specifically by “LRH”.

    I.E the individual who wrote the policy or the trade mark owned by RTC or whatever.

  97. Tony DePhillips


  98. Tony DePhillips

    Good one Erwin..

  99. Tony DePhillips

    Will audit for food…

  100. Paul Salerno

    I would say my jaw is on the floor but then I would be afraid a $cientology dentist would appear to look for gold teeth.

  101. Tony DePhillips

    Brings a whole new meaning to Gold and Silver Meritorious eh??

  102. becomingAware

    Wow, anyone have any gold filled teeth laying about? I’d be interested to meet the person that wrote that promo and thought it was OK and on Policy. More likely it was a missionaire with a virtual gun to his or her head that came up with that one.

    Funny how the standard ways to raise money get pushed aside in the New Order of DM’s church. Sad that the mission there either doesn’t see it or feels they are incapable of or afraid of following LRH policy.


  103. “They actually, literally, no shitting, have fundraising barbecues.”

    Maybe they should change their name from CoS AZ to the Advanced Ability Center.

    The fact that Mayo held barbecues every Saturday night used to send grins and giggles through the Squirrel Busting crowd I hung with back then.

    Funny how they’ve whole heartly embraced Wimbush “tech” on how everybody’s either an SP or PTS, Erhard “tech” on holding group O/W seances and Mayo like barbecue “tech” .

    Though this new “Gold Fillings tech” has got me stumped. Unless Miscavige was being more than just being figurative when releasing GAT and this is just a natural progression of some kind.

  104. Quicksilver

    Ya know Hy,

    What you wrote is not too far out of the realm of reality for DM and his crew.

    Simply repulsive.

    But, it wouldn’t surprise me in the least.

    I can see blood drives, egg harvesting, wholesale surrogates, and even sperm bank donations …
    ‘Whack your way to freedom! Donate TODAY! Come all, come often!’

    I won’t even mention my left nut.

    And I thought the hairdesser/masseuse was a low point … what will they think of next.

  105. Now this would be fun if you really think about it: DEMOLITION PARTIES!
    Everyone — doesn’t matter if you are skilled or not. Just bring tools of destruction and meet at the next Humatarian’s house and demo it to the ground, taking care to accrue all the copper. All day BBQ.

  106. Nanook – LOL!

  107. Quicksilver

    They already are

    They even have ‘potential’ stats:

    ‘Scientology Volunteers ( donated 239 pints of blood in 2010 to Florida Blood Services collected in four blood drives sponsored by the Church of Scientology and FBS. Each pint of blood can save up to three lives meaning more than 700 lives can potentially be saved.’

  108. …now if they could only come up with a way to charge the people who give blood… different statuses of donor-ship? I wouldn’t put it past miscavige to
    come up with a scheme to charge people for their own blood.

  109. Bring out yer dead!! Amazing!

  110. Virgil Samms


    Dear Phoenicans;
    We know you are doing the best you can with this economy the way it is out here in the southwest, but hey, we’re not going to justify downstants and instead we are going to “Make it Go Right”.
    The Gold idea was a hit because no one had to spend any money and now we can expand on this a little. But we do thank you for all of the Gold you guys! I know we recieved a lot of Gold wedding rings and it seems that our GAT 2D Co-Audit bit pretty well with the various EPS.

    And you guys with all of those gold teeth! Thanks. Those million dollars smiles may be gone, but if you move up in status you will get your smile back!

    So we have more ideas on dontations. Here they are:

    1. Look around your house and see if you can find any loose silver such as trays or forks or spoons and so forth. Candleabras are good too.
    2,. The catalytic converter under you car has platinum in it. Get someone to cut if out of the exhaust and pull the platinum out of it and send it in.
    3. Now that gas is approaching $4.00 per gallon it is a commodity. When you fill up your tank drive in to the org and we’ll siphon half of it off for you. This will get us a lot of cash!
    4. Cell phones all have about $1.44 in Gold in them. If every on line Scientologist gives us their cell phone, and we know there are a million of you, we would have a lot of money. So let’s turn them in.
    5. Now, for all you guys in Scottsdale, let’s have those extra Plasma TVs you got in your spare rooms. Those puppies have to be worth a grand or two each.
    6. And you guys in Paradise Valley, how about tossing a few BMWs our way?
    7. Last but not least, instead of running your A/C this summer in those big Scottsdale and Phoenix houses, how about sending us the equivalent of your electric bill in cash? A little heat will do us all good and besides, the sacrifice will be worth a little sweat. And you can take niacin and make it into another Purif – well call it the GAT Purif!

    Thanks again guys. We’ll get back to you with more ideas.

    OT Committee Phoenix Org

  111. Quicksilver


    Lard! Hahahahahah

  112. martyrathbun09

    or was there llt.

  113. martyrathbun09

    Now, that is creative and funny.

  114. Virgil Samms

    Fox News Alert!!

    MacDonalds Corp has turned down an offer from the Church of Scientology International to open franchises inside each the Cults new “Ideal Orgs”. A spokesman for Micky-Ds told Fox today that “the negotiations lasted three minutes because the cult had the idea that we would want to put our burger outlets into buildings that were not only vdevoid of paying public but the staff that manned the empty buildings didn’t even have enough money to purchase a small burger and small fries themselves.” The spokesman also told us that “these so-called Ideal Org buildings were located in remote urban areas like sidestreets or on the edge of Golf Courses and were very difficult to find.” The spokesman added “We would be immediately dismissed if we ever put one of our outlets where these buildings are placed. It appears that these huge,posh buildings were purposely placed in areas devoid of traffic so they would fail completely. These people are idiots.”

  115. Yeah – doesn’t take much to see through their “expansion” lies when the “church” is so desperate for money to request gold fillings be donated.

  116. (leaked from Int marketing meeting…)

    Office of COB Special Marketing


    1. Skin graft donations
    2. Baskets that the RPF shmucks can weave from hair
    3. Human waste that can be sterilized and compressed into cheap plastic-like products, such as emeter cases, etc.
    4. Fights to the death
    5. Pissing contests
    6. Spitting contests
    7. Breath-holding contests
    8. Rent-a-spouse
    9. Voluntary limb severing exhibitions
    10. Elementary School Loan sharking
    11. Multi-level Mobile Meth Labs
    12. Dog Racing Nights
    13. Win A Night With COB
    14. Personal Chanting Walls
    15. Pay Per View of LRH Personal Home Movies
    16. Cognition Insurance
    17. Fines for blinking
    18. ‘Most Like COB’ contests
    19. Black Market Plastic Surgery
    20. Win A Night With TC
    21. Segway Tours
    22. Live-In MAAs
    23. Premium for 110% Standard Tech
    24. Hypnotic Implanting Parties
    25. Electric Shock Treatments
    26. Certified Ethical Prostitutes
    27. Pharmaceutical Advertising
    28. Fight Fixing
    29. Assassinations
    30. Professional Lying Services
    31. Black Market Botox Injections
    32. Black Market E-Meters
    33. Independent Scientology Field Auditors Group
    34. Oust COB Donation Campaign
    35. Bone Marrow Sales
    36. Shoe repair
    37. Purif sweat recycling
    38. Close-hand combat lessons

    Note: These all look good to me. 


  117. Mrs. Friend of Ron

    Independent thought, you say?
    You mean thought can be independent?
    Shhhh…. Is that allowed?

  118. I hereby nominate Jim Bishop for Douchebag of the Year.
    I am often astounded by some of the ideas that advertisers (not only Scn but Madison Avenue) thinks up, allocates big bucks for, produces and proffers to the public (any 90% ads on TV, radio, etc.) Grown men and women, professionals in their fields actually spend their lives doing that stuff. Then, once in awhile some dope, Jim Bishop in this case, actually permits his name to be associated with such idiocy. Jim, cram on Marketing Series 14, VIEWPOINT. View the ad that you are starring in from the viewpoint of any human being on planet Earth. What do you conclude? Then report to HCO for a Rollback interview so you can straighten out your think.

  119. Guys, guys…take a breath! I had a gold crown fall out a few years ago and the dentist said to keep it or sell it because a new one had to be made. THIS is the kind of dental gold that they are asking for…the stuff that is already out of your mouth.

    Even so. That promo piece is just dirty bad taste all around….

  120. Tony DePhillips

    How about new statuses for people who give blood and organs:
    1. Patron Corpusculous
    2. Kidney donor with honors
    3. B positive diamond Humanitarian
    4. Heart donor pledge Meritorious
    5. Pint a month Crusader
    6. Sperm sponsor.

  121. Tony DePhillips

    You are friggin hysterical man!!
    26. Certified Ethical Prostitutes
    9. Voluntary limb severing exhibitions
    16. Cognition Insurance
    A few of my personal favorites!!
    That cognition insurance comes in handy!!

  122. Who needs teeth anyway? Rice and beans are not hard to swallow if you cook them long enough.

  123. Same thought occurred to me. Creepy.

  124. Watching Eyes

    What a revolting press release. I hadn’t seen it before. Can they do something to help the community, anything at all, without the need of a press release?
    And that twisted “700 lives stat”, also revolting.

  125. Very possible…

  126. I thought I had a strong stomach but this one really made me barf!!!

    I hate to give away a good idea to the regges but I wanted to share with you a story I heard about another Church. What they did was get the parishioners to will everything to the Church and then they poisoned them. But why stop there, another good idea is to get the cool ade drinker to take out a large life insurance policy with the church as beneficiary, then do the same, but why stop there..I know for a fact there is a big market in livers, for liver transplants, so the (reges) checksheet item before the insurance policy signing is the signing over to a middle man who traffics in body parts, of high value parts such as heart, eyes, kidney. Man, you can get a lot for a good kidney and each person has two. More bang for the buck! The middle man turns over to the Church or to DM’s personal Swiss account, what ever can be worked out on the parts. OK, there is still more one can profit from and that is Adolf’s contribution of using the body hair for pillow stuffing and the leftovers for soap. Now you have the makings of a real reg cycle!

    You know, I can see that there might even be coolade drinkers that would be willing to submit willingly to this program with the right honors status that goes onto your next lifetime. And what’s this one lifetime anyway in the light of billions of them. Pshaw, easy reg cycle.

  127. All part of the service. For bonus grins you might like this:

    Who are these children
    Who scheme and run wild
    Who speak with their wings
    And the way that they smile
    What are the secrets
    They trace in the sky
    And why do you tremble
    Each time they ride by

    Throw out your gold teeth
    And see how they roll
    The answer they reveal
    Life is unreal

    Who are these strangers
    Who pass through the door
    Who cover your action
    And go you one more
    If you’re feeling lucky
    You best not refuse
    It’s your game the rules
    Are your own win or lose


  128. Virgil, Virgil. You have just outed yourself. You are on the Phoenix OT Committe/Ideal Org Fundraising Committee. How else would you know this stuff??

    HOT DOG!












    THIS WOULD EQUAL $100,000.00




    1002 N. 3RD STREET


    ALL DAY ‘TIL 6:00PM



    We are currently down $7,000 from last week and we DO NOT WANT TO END THE WEEK DOWNSTAT. Please call in any donation you can, no matter how small or big. Let’s do this for our IDEAL ORG 🙂

    Ilona Bischoff


    Buy a Brick for $25

    Play the game with us and help put an Ideal Org in the Birthplace of Scientology!

    Click the link Buy A Brick NOW or send check or money order to:
    Church of Scientology of Arizona, 1002 N 3rd Street, Phoenix, Az 85004


    Rolling Strikes for the
    Phoenix Ideal Org

    Saturday, February 27th
    Shea Village Lanes
    10870 N 32nd Street
    Phoenix 85028

    Enjoy an afternoon with family and friends
    $35.00 per person $25.00 for kids 12 and under
    2 hours of bowling fun, soft pretzels, popcorn and soda
    All proceeds benefit the Phoenix Ideal Org



    Friday Night at the Movies

    Friday – October 30, 2009
    Hilton Garden Inn
    4000 N Central Ave, Phoenix (Just South of Indian School)
    6:00pm – Buffet Dinner
    Tickets $50.00 each

    Come dressed as your favorite movie character!


    Country Wester Dinner & Dance

    Saturday, March 3rd, 6:00 pm

    Dust off the boots, Locate the Hat, Shine the silver buckle AND . . . . .

    Come enjoy the company of friends! Eat a sumptuous meal! Listen to live country music! Learn to dance the two-step & line dance!

    Support the IDEAL ORG IN ARIZONA!!!

    Admission: $150 per person / Kids $25
    Purchase tickets @ The Phoenix Org 602-954-1417
    See y’all there!

    Held at the Scottsdale Jaycees
    8102 E. Jackrabbit Road


  129. That’s the last time I write anything on this blog without reading what’s up ahead of me! You guys are hilarious!! Practically every one of my jems was preempted by you creative guys! All I can say is we track!

  130. scilonschools

    On a lighter note “Just a Game Oliver, just a Game”

  131. scilonschools

    Maybe there is hope for DM?, well at least an opening on the Stage!!!

  132. I like it, Bozz. Very much. I find this tone perfect for handling those clowns.

  133. I have an idea! How about David Miscavige donates the extravagant platinum and diamond chandelier earring and necklace set Tom Cruise gave as a gift to Shelly Miscavige for Christmas 2004. I’m sure it would fetch a substantial amount for Phoenix Org. Time to start leading by example, Davy!

  134. Tony,
    Hey, maybe they can extract your extra kidney at the War Room!!! I am afraid that anesthesia is extra though. But really the euphoria of giving will be all we need…
    See YOU there!!!!!!

  135. Yeah, straight down and vertical expansion

  136. Anybody interested in some old socks? *gg

  137. That’s the first set up Davey thinks of. First you make Kool Aiders buy you a building, you rent it to Starbucks and Subway and being fully tax exempt you don’t pay a dime in taxes but send all the loot off shore, never to be seen again.

  138. Yeah, they won’t take his hearth either for obvious reasons but some handsome profit can be made on his brains “never used”.

  139. I think covert prostitution is next. OSA is manned up exclusively by single 1.1 women and that’s no coincedence. Not allowed any form of 2D they’ll accept any excuse to get some sex. Anything goes for the greater good of donating to Bulgravia.

  140. Bip-Bip-Blap-Blippity Blap

    The funny thing about Scientology marketing literature is the brazen, almost gaudy, use of Neuro-Linguistic Programming. It’s the kind of tacky that standard people look at and either; laugh, or get pissed off that they wasted their time even looking at it.

    Reading up on basic NLP provides life a great bullshit detector, and mine goes off the charts whenever I see Scientology Propaganda/ Media/ Marketing.

    LRH did it too, but Davey’s end product is the equivalent of a Insurance Conference for Vanilla Sandwiches in 1987, cliche. So in reality it makes him more of an oddity than cliche.

    Keep it up Gordon Gecko, I am enjoying this sad slow descent.

  141. Allow me to science geek out here for a moment.

    Gold, aka element 79, is one of the heaviest and densest stable elements with an atomic weight of 196.97. Classically, the heaviest stable element is Bismuth, aka element 83 and an atomic weight of 208.98.

    Elements heavier than that (and some lighter), well, the internal protons push the molecule apart until it splits apart. We call that radioactive. In other words, not even MEST can stand being that solid.

    So — in other words, the CofS is about as solid as is physically possible in this universe.

  142. Once I had a co worker that drank too much. Suddenly he started that flies are after him and biting him. First time he told us we had the idea he is joking. But day after day flies did bite him. No joke anymore. He had been utterly convinced that flies can bite.
    Once I had a friend. All looked normal but one day she told me that little green man sat at her bad that night. With evil intentions. She had been utterly convinced that those little greens had been there and after her.
    If you are surrounded by people that are utterly convinced that a fly bites and little green man are after you then you might buy that. Especially if you are not allowed to communicate with others that have a different reality.
    I think DM is desperate. He has flies and little greens that are after him. If little greens show up at his bed then he has another drink. But then the flies come and try to bite him.

  143. Cowboy Poet

    They all look good to me too!

  144. This is a very sad state of affairs but what is even sadder is that the intended target of this promo finds nothing wrong with it. It is amazing how cleverly the tech of gradients has been used to help brainwash the Scientologists whereby they automatically believe anything dished out by the Cof$.

    I am of the opinion that the Scientologists no longer have a viewpoint and therefore cannot hold a location in space . They become weaker and less effective in life exactly what MissCabbagge wanted – a group of zombis.

    Marty, now that is living, never mind what LRH said. LRH today, is only a tool that MissCabbage uses to forward his own goals.

  145. Charles Drum

    Any parody of Co$ is soon redundant, since the Co$ soon makes it reality.

    To think of Tom Cruise accepting customised motorbikes and hangars from his criminal BFF while this sort of stuff is happening — people being asked for jewellery and dental gold?! I’m afraid TC is completely morally and ethically bankrupt at this point. Or worse — he actually owes the world bigtime at this point for helping enable a criminal scumbag and his criminal enterprises. When the Co$ ship sinks, I hope it takes its celebrity enablers with it. In this day and age, with the internet right there, there is *no* excuse for not knowing about this stuff, and not acting on it.

  146. Friend of Ron

    Sarge wrote:

    “LRH would get so ‘sudden’ over this blatant out ethics off policy BS. If he were around now (and who’s to say he’s not) heads would roll. And I know they will. Love.”

    That got me thinking: What would LRH do?

    Well here is one thing that I think he most likely might do, reissue HCO POLICY LETTER OF 7 FEBRUARY 1965 and the first part might read:


    We have some time since passed the point of achieving uniformly workable technology……..

    Getting the correct technology applied consists of:

    ONE: Having the ORIGINAL technology.

    TWO: Knowing the ORIGINAL technology.

    THREE: Knowing it is correct.

    FOUR: Teaching correctly the ORIGINAL technology.

    FIVE: Applying the ORIGINAL technology.

    SIX: Seeing that the ORIGINAL technology is correctly applied.

    SEVEN: Hammering out of existence incorrect technology.

    EIGHT : Knocking out incorrect applications.

    NINE: Closing the door on any possibility of incorrect technology.

    TEN: Closing the door on incorrect application.


    Just a thought.
    Just my 2cents

    ………..Oh, there is one other thing LRH might do:

    List by name all the secretaries who had worked for him personally and under his personal supervision, that is to say the “Transcribers”, and award them all the status of Kha-Khan.

  147. Joe Pendleton

    My guess is that the folks still in the church will keep on giving and giving until either they are broke or they have a “come to Jesus moment” as I did after having $10,000 extorted from me in book donos before I would be “allowed to continue” an off-policy ethics action (and then shortly thereafter threatened with expulsion when being regged for $31 G’s more by a 19 yo SO member). It now looks like the 10 G’s was a great investment, as it will probably save me more than $100,000 in the next decade or so that I might have given to the church.

    It’s the same old story on the religious track on Earth. The faithful are convinced to give up all their moolah to their church until they have nothing and the church builds its grand buildings and the church leaders live in luxury. This scam has been going on for thousands and thousands of years. And the gullible (myself included for a long time) keep coughing up the dough.

  148. Joe Pendleton

    One recent example. A few weeks ago I had dinner with a friend who is OT5 and still on lines. Frist, my friend parried any example I gave of current church misdeeds as simply a few individuals who misapplied policy and that what I should have done is , of course, “write it up” (which by the way I had done). Then my friend told me the following “win” (to illustrate how understanding the church was regarding regging). Seems my friend had money on account at Flag and Dave Foster was grinding on him to come and get the auditing. After much back and forth, Mr. Foster “accepted” my friend’s protestations of current poverty and “agreed” not to reg him for more auditing if he came to Flag immediately for the service (which my friend did by the way). This was told to me as a win to illustrate that if one will just communicate, all will be a love-fest of ARC. My friend completely missed the irony of his “win” – that of being impoverished by continual crush demands for money (some of which I personally witnessed) and now that he had no money at all to give, Mr. Foster was “very understanding” and agreed not to demand any more (now that there was no more to give). This is just one recent story which illustrates the mindset of paying for “one’s eternity.” Heck, the Catholic Church and its leaders lived off that scam for centuries (and yes, the Vatican IS breathtakingly magnificant).

  149. Summer Wind

    Wow, when I saw this add for gold it really showed how desperate these orgs are to make money. They have morphed into something I don’t even recognize anymore and it’s not a pretty sight. So glad and so grateful I’m not connected to this travesty. I actually feel for those who are still there and think they are saving the planet. It’s like watching a horror movie.

  150. If you leave any gold in your mouth you would be withholding energy needed to build the Empire of Ideal Orgs. That would be out-ethics on the 3rd, 6th and 7th Dynamics. You need an immediate Sec Check and a Severe Teeth Adjustment. Report to the Dental Assets MAA or face the wrath of the Tooth Comm Ev.

  151. TDP,
    Those may be my favorites, too.

  152. Furniture molded out of compressed fingernail clippings. A non-invasive and renewable resource.

  153. You were original in your Pillow Stuffing idea. Hey, the Brainstorm Marketing Division is appreciative of all ideas.

  154. Cowboy Poet

    Oh, now that is just so certifiably Yiddish, I just love it! I can just see that impish smile on your face as you penned that out the first time.
    Will he do it? Hell, yeah he will. He’s rolling around on that shortened California king right now, cracking up that they’re selling the gold out of their mouths.
    This piece of work? Absolutely!

  155. Just to clarify my comment above about the “Soupy Sales” moment earlier on: Here is the explanation: (from Urban Legends website):

    “Claim: Soupy Sales was suspended for asking his young television viewers to send him “green pieces of paper” taken from their parents’ wallets.
    “Status: True.

    “In January 1965 on his morning children’s show, the performer Soupy Sales suggested to his young viewers that they find the wallets of their sleeping fathers and take out “some of those funny green pieces of paper with all those nice pictures of George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Alexander Hamilton, and send them along to your old pal, Soupy, care of WNEW, New York. [Collected on the Internet, 1997]
    ” ‘Hey kids, last night was New Year’s Eve, and your mother and dad were out having a great time. They are probably still sleeping and what I want you to do is tiptoe in their bedroom and go in your mom’s pocketbook and your dad’s pants, which are probably on the floor. You’ll see a lot of green pieces of paper with pictures of guys in beards. Put them in an envelope and send them to me at Soupy Sales, Channel 5, New York, New York. And you know what I’m going to send you? A post card from Puerto Rico!’ “

  156. Remimeo
    All Reges
    All Parishioners

    HCO PL 8 March 2011

    Due to the extreme urgency of Clearing the planet, pick-pocketing is hereby allowed on and off all Org premises as long as the proceeds are turned over to an officially authorized Church of $cientology Asset Collection Agency.

    There is no recourse. Tough times call for tough measures.

    The Hole
    New Source Division

    Approved by COB

    DM:The Hole:ns:rm:hj:gw:gl:my:mi:etc.

  157. Virgil Samms

    FoR – Good [post but you missed the 2nd step –
    1) List by name all of the secretaries who had worked for Ron personally.
    2) Undeclare all of them,.
    3) Declare all of these secretaries Kha-Khan.

  158. TroubleShooter


    Do you know that the newest and improvedest of the already new and improved ideal org in Tampa that has to be made more ideal (i guess because the stats still didn’t actually reflect cob’s pr of ideal orgs) has a Spaghetti Warehouse as a tenant in their new building?!!

  159. Tony DePhillips

    Pretty funny Tom. I didn’t know you had a sense of humor.
    🙂 (joke)

  160. Remimeo
    All Reges
    The Hole
    All MAAs
    All Parishioners
    All Tech Personnel


    (cancels and replaces HCO PL 7 FEBRUARY 1965 KEEPING SCIENTOLOGY WORKING)


    Without money we will fail. If others have any money that is not turned over to us they could use it against us and possible destroy all that we have worked for.

    In all the years we’ve been involved in the crucial process of soliciting and obtaining donations we’ve been too reasonable in allowing others to not pay. This has kept us from accumulating all the money in the world, which we desperately need if we are to be able to do our jobs.

    The only place we have ever fallen down on the job is when we have gotten lax on any of the ten points of this policy letter.

    From this point forward it will be considered a SUPPRESSIVE ACT punishable by being slapped, punched, choked, kicked and thrown to the ground, humiliated, ostracized, disconnected from, ignored, gang-bang sec checked, implanted and possibly even vaporized for any failure on the part of any staff member or parishioner of any branch of the Church of $cientology to apply any and all of the ten vital points of this Policy Letter.


    When that reluctant, stingy prospect comes to you with that airy-fairy, panty-waist dilettante attitude, turn that wandering doubt in his or her eye into a fixed, dedicated glare of generosity and we’ll win and get the money. Humor the prospect and allow them to not pay and our coffers will suffer as a result.

    It is not just up to Tom Cruise or Craig Jensen or Nancy Cartwright or Brian Zwan or the Feschbach Clan to provide the necessary funds, but it’s the duty of every single man, woman, child, fetus and embryo on the face of the Earth now and for all eternity to wear this hat and always, always, always pay and never refuse to pay nor allow others to refuse to pay.

    This is serious business and it’s time we all grew up, shut up and pay up.

    ONE:   Having the correct donation technology.

    TWO:  Knowing the donation technology.

    THREE: Knowing the donation technology is correct.

    FOUR: Teaching correctly the correct donation technology.

    FIVE: Applying the correct donation technology.

    SIX: Seeing that the correct donation technology is correctly applied.

    SEVEN: Hammering out of existence incorrect donation technology.

    EIGHT : Knocking out ineffective donation technology applications.

    NINE:  Opening the door wide for the possibility of any effective donation technology.

    TEN: Closing the door on the possibility of any ineffective donation technology application.

    New Source Division


  161. TroubleShooter

    This promo is for the en-dentured slaves who will give their eye teeth to cob and a bonus for those who want to get rid of their “buck teeth”.

    cob has sent down a new IGNW bulletin entitled BUYCUSPIDS AND CROWNING GLORY with the purpose “make $$$$ to gum up the works of fleeing dissidents so they’ll shut their mouths one way or another. No teeth = no talking = ‘silence is golden’. ” All program targets are to be “filled and drilled” hourly until you have thoroughly sunk your teeth into completion of my program or I’ll get someone to knock your teeth out. ”

    (Someone needs to get the message to cob that we all learned that his “IGNW” ploy to usurp LRH policy came to be known world wide for “It Goes No Where”.)

    The molar of this post cob is that your “veneer” has been striped, we know you have “cavities” where most of us have hearts and brains. Yours is “filled” with “implants”. You have been exposed as the “root” of evil in our spiritual journeys. You have “overbit” your bounds. There is no “bracing” yourself for what has become YOUR “extraction mission”.

    spit and rinse

  162. Wohhh! Awesome ref, Marty. Thanks!! 🙂

  163. I onley know that Hitler died on april 30th and DM has his Birthday on that date.

  164. OTDT:

    This IMHO is your best satire to date because it is so surreal. It’s horrifying to think this could be the actual policy being applied by all Orgs, but then again, it is.

    By the way Marty, Mike, et al, thanks again for all you’re doing. The “waterfall effect” is full on. Keep it up.


  165. martyrathbun09

    OTDT is the Stanley Kubrick of the Indies.

  166. Everybody in tin foil grills!!! Fabulous!! I think flashing certificates are in order as well!!

  167. Fellow Traveller

    I am having difficulty typing through the spasms from laughing so hard.

    Who or what the hell are all those initials? Dribble or are they in fact norm starkey, ray mitoff, heber jentzsch, greg wilhere, guillaume lesevre, marc yager, marc ingber; the “founding members of the hole”?

    Bruce Pratt

  168. LOL posting this on ESMB

  169. David/Fear/Nothingleft

    This is all so bullshit!!! If the CoS wasn’t a cult I’d have so many people to sign up for courses!!! F@CK!!!! Even though I was new I can still be one hell of a disseminator!!! I’m not kidding….

  170. Raul Batista

    What’s wrong with money any more? Now the church wants your teeth, your jewels. This poster is too much but there it is. I would never do it. I would rather keep my teeth and my precious jewels.

  171. OK, I get your point. But if you think flies don’t bite, you’ve never been to Canada in the summertime! 🙂

  172. Too witty! That was one hard laugh. I had to read it several times to flatten the buttons. Thanks for that. Thank you very much!

  173. No, not more. My ribs hurt! Hysterical!

  174. Lol!

  175. You’ve got one hell of a gift at wit.

  176. Reposting this on Freezone forum. This humor is over the top.

  177. I would never have thought in a million years that orgs would stoop so low and Management would be leading the way. From bad to worse in 20 years.

  178. Tremendously funny: “Coffee & snacks will be served”. Nice exchange!

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