Father’s Day With Joy Graysen

This has been a long time coming. A lonnnnnng time coming. I have been heartily “out of the closet” since Michael Fairman was descended upon  by the undead, but I hadn’t figured out where to begin to unfold my story – so I procrastinated.

After meeting with Marty and Mike a few Tuesdays ago here in L.A., witnessing the keystone-cop-esque ABSURDITY (to be kind) of “the squirrel-buster” brigade and after being part of the conversation which encouraged Michael to write his latest post, I decided I had done enough procrastinating.

My name is Joy Graysen. Some of you know me as Joy Stimmel, Joy Veikley, Joy Fairman, Michael’s wife, Sky’s mother. Some of you know me as the voice of Flag’s anthem “Flag Is Here”. Some of you know me from all of the church events I have sung for over the last 25 years. And some of you don’t know me at all. After this open letter, hopefully you will just know me as Joy — one of you.

In 1983 I came home from my first year of college, very disillusioned with education. I complained to my father, Sam, my soulmate, that I was disgusted. Why could we get a man to the moon, but we couldn’t communicate to the person sitting in front of us?  He told me about a  man named L. Ron Hubbard,  who had created a magnificent body of work that might help me with my dilemma. (My Mom and Dad had become Scientologists the late 60’s, for a brief time)

I was astonished to find that everything I had been lamenting was covered, explained and handled in Scientology.

I found a  philosophy and a group of people that believed what I believed – that we all have within us, infinite wisdom, infinite compassion and infinite potential.

I found a group that supported and encouraged critical thinking, individuality, granting of beingness and the divine right to BE who WE are – each one of us.  It was OK to question what didn’t make sense, and we were taught to disagree with the “apparencies” of the world around us.

I found a group that nurtured our inherent nature to be kind and powerful at the same time.  A group that taught us to help others by helping them to become their true selves.

I signed up because I saw the truth everywhere I looked. Possibly for the first time in my life. I felt like I was finally home after an endless journey. I could cry now, remembering the relief I felt at that time in my life.

So I wound up on the “Bridge” in NYC.

As I became more and more familiar with Ron’s legacy, my admiration for him kept expanding. I couldn’t believe how much knowledge he had assembled and given us to understand and apply.

He created the technology of the mind and the spirit with Dianetics and Scientology to help us free ourselves from the suppressive booby-traps of life and our experiences.

He created the “Ethics Technology” to help us get out of our own way so we could take full advantage of the “tech”.

He created an organizing system to improve the management of our lives and careers; and in addition, set up a stalwart system of checks and balances so that his body of work could not be corrupted by external or internal influences. He created the Organizing or Org Board which helped ensure that KSW (a policy called Keeping Scientology Working) is always applied and everything operates smoothly according to his policies.

In my mind, the structure of this Org Board was a given. That’s how the church operated,  and on every level, whether  a mission, an org or upper management, this was simply how it worked. and I trusted that this was kept “in”. I never questioned that it was being followed. Scientologists were ethical, especially the Sea Org staff members; ESPECIALLY the upper, upper level management Sea Org staff members in RTC.

These were the reasons I chose to trust the group and to seek enlightenment from Scientology.

And so began my 25 year journey. I became “drunk” with the euphoria that comes with falling in love. I was in love with the endless possibilities of freedom. I was in love with the colors around me which seemed brighter. I was in love with the exhilaration of actually being listened to, being duplicated and, (who knew) being acknowledged! It was a whole new  world and a world I had been seeking forever.

Three years later, in 1986, my daddy, the man who taught me kindness, who taught me how to sing in three part harmony, play the piano, guitar and ukulele by ear, all before I was 3 years old, the man who gave me my sense of humor and who introduced me to Scientology, died of a heart attack just before his 45th birthday.

This sweet man, who never once in my life let me down (with the exception of the time he tricked me into surrendering my blankey) left me without saying goodbye.

I wasn’t mad at him. But I did feel as though I had fallen down into the deepest, blackest hole there ever was in the history of any universe, and that no matter what happened from then on, I would always be living my life looking up from the bottom of that hole.

When I arrived at Celebrity Center NY for a session, I was numb and brittle and scarred to the center of my being. I knew that I would always feel this way but that Sam would have wanted me to have a session, so…

I emerged from my auditing room one hour later feeling like I could actually ‘have’ the loss.  This was a true miracle. I would never have believed this could be the result of just a single  hour of auditing. It still defies logic when I recall the magnitude of my loss at the time. But if there were ever a testament to the validity of LRH’s tech, for me that was it a million times over.

(blogger note: please take a moment to listen to Joy’s song written for her father Sam 08_Burning_Flame_(a_song_for_Sam))

So THIS was why I got into Scientology and THIS is how the tech was supposed to be delivered!

From that point in my life I was able to ‘have’ things more easily – good and bad. I guess  because I was willing to accept  their contribution to me and mine to them, regardless of whether I liked it or not. I was able to ‘have’ situations for what they were, with less protest than before; but I would still fight for what I wanted or what was right. I felt more able than before because I felt more grounded in present time.

In 1989, I moved to Los Angeles to be near CC Int  and immersed myself in the group.  I lived across the street from CC, and associated mostly with other Scientologists. I felt safe knowing that we all shared the same knowledge of ethics and ARC, and were all learning to understand ourselves and each other spiritually.

In 1993 I married Michael Fairman, and that summer we arrived at Flag for his OT VI and VII.  With inheritance my father left me, I decided to do “L 11”

We were trying to have a baby at that time and had been waiting months for the right biological “window”. Michael had to CSW his course supervisor, Antonino, for permission to, as he put it,  “make a baby”. Luckily  Antonino was from Italy or we might not have been granted “time off from course” for baby making! Although it is a funny story to tell, it is a poignant example of how the church controlled even the most intimate of moments in our lives.

We returned to L.A. with a bun, named Sky, in the oven. Yay.

Also during that summer,  I called my sister in Italy for weeks, attempting to get her to Flag. She eventually arrived and bought her Bridge to OT VIII. Her  inheritance of $89,000, which she used  for the package, eventually got her only to Clear.

I think one of the true turning points for both Michael and me was the event releasing the Volunteer Minister Course (remember the accompanying yellow back pack?). It was at The Shrine Auditorium. As we left the actual event, on our way to the giant Expo Hall, we were bombarded by literally walls of Sea Org members forming a human chain. Their patter to us was, “cash or credit?” No “hi, how are you, how’d you like the event?”; just “cash or credit, cash or credit, cash or credit”. They were selling the backpack with the new book in it. Michael and I looked at each other in disbelief. The basic fundamentals of Scientology were being ignored- hell- obliterated.There was no comm formula, no ARC triangle, no TRs, just an enforced hard-sell tactic. We were extremely annoyed by this. It was a violation of the most basic of basic sales techniques, never mind Scientology precepts. This was simply enforced reality, enforced communication and enforced affinity. Not a good cocktail.

Somehow we managed to work our way through the Expo Hall to escape. When we got outside, we both remarked that this patter had to have come from up-lines. It couldn’t have been a coincidence that every staff member had this exact same patter. We became unsettled by the idea that this command must have come from David Miscavige and we couldn’t reconcile the utter “outness” of it.

Similarly, when Tom Cruise won his Freedom Medal Award, we couldn’t understand how Miscavige could allow the video of Cruise to be broadcast at that major event. The actor seemed so hyper and on the edge of losing control. It also seemed very odd that he was not adequately hatted by Church officials — witness PR blunders of jumping up and down on Oprah’s  couch, and  his embarrassing attack of Brooke Shields and Matt Lauer in regard to psych drugs. Regardless of the fact that psych drugs are harmful, it seemed wildly out- PR  in the way he handled it.

Then  came the release of the “The Basics” That just seemed ludicrous, implausible and contrived from the moment we heard it. That’s when we really started to feel that cold feeling creeping up the back of our necks…

How could LRH, a man, who was infinitely meticulous, overlook all the basic books??? He never once checked or realized there were all of these errors in translation? Gross errors? “The blind leading the blind” as David Miscavige so eloquently put it… This signified to us that not only was the church trying to come up with new ways of making money, but that they were covertly admitting to actively and OVERTLY altering the tech!!

This was the beginning of my awareness that the miracles of LRH that I mentioned earlier, would be forfeited. And, as I later learned from tech terminals more highly trained than I, that was exactly what was happening.

During  that book-selling campaign, we were bombarded by enforced reality after enforced reality regarding buying them, training on them, buying them for others, buying them for Orgs and Missions, buying them for other countries, donating so translations could be made into other languages, buying for your dog, cat, gerbil and goldfish… I mean come onnnn…

So we started distancing ourselves, slowly but surely from the church. We talked about our observations to each other but were careful not to discuss our concerns with any other Scientologists – lest we “spread entheta” or were “critical” of the church…No, no, no…we know what THAT would mean! We did eventually to a select few, who we thought were safe terminals. We later found out otherwise.

And then there is the “Ideal Org” campaign!!! OY VEY!! Could THIS be any more contrary to what LRH wanted? And at the very least, makes no business sense.

It seemed there was no end to the request for donations. I even saw a promo recently advertising that the church would accept people’s gold teeth towards donations…Ummmm…?

In 2009, Paul Haggis’ letter of resignation was made public and Michael read it. He had met  Paul and was friends with his wife Deborah, so he was very stricken by the letter’ s content. One of Paul’s major upsets with the church was, as he saw it, an intolerance of homosexuality. I myself had witnessed countless examples of Scientologists rolling their eyes in regard to someone who was gay, or the generality that all gays are covertly hostile.

And now here is the crux of MY personal crossroads in regards to the current church. More and more I felt like I had to withhold myself from my so called friends. Not because I had  committed overts but because I felt a growing distance between my core beingness, my values, and these group members.

I started to notice an extreme lack of tolerance. I observed an arrogance and a ‘holier than thou’  point of view towards anyone who was not a Scientologist. My “friends” would have a “no sympathy” attitude towards homeless people, homosexuals, as I mentioned, and really anything remotely liberal minded. I thought compassion and understanding were at the core of Scientology’s values.

I remember Michael having a conversation with an OT VIII where Michael asked why shouldn’t Scientology be available to everyone, not just the rich people, and the response was “Scientology is for the able, they’ll just have to be left behind”.

I felt that I had to “good roads, and good weather” my friends and family more and more. I was no longer free to just be myself and talk about things that were important to me because if I gave money or food to a homeless person, or if I had gay friends or if I believed that healthcare is vital for everybody, that I would be scorned.

The main reason I embraced Scientology, as I outlined at the beginning of this letter, was disappearing. I no longer felt safe or comfortable within the group because the granting of beingness on many dynamics seemed to be withering away.

I believed that as we evolved, as we became more and more ourselves, as we mastered our understanding of the tone scale, the more our ARC for humanity would grow. As far as I am concerned, we would have MORE tolerance, understanding and compassion, not less. Regardless of any political inclination, we should have more heart, more generosity. I personally found this ‘group think’ to be getting more and more prevalent.

And don’t get me started on the utter snobbery of the Scn celebrities. Aside from a very select few, their arrogance towards people who weren’t in the ‘upper, upper President’s office circle’ was laughable. Nowhere in Hollywood, outside of our church, did I experience such blatant self-importance and nonsense. Michael has been acting for close to 50 years and I have been to my fair share of Hollywood events with major celebrities. They never acted like our celebrities did.

Sooo, at that point, I began confronting what I had suspected for a long while – there was something very wrong at the top of the Org Board. There were just too many uniform negative behaviors within the group. Again, it could not have simply been a coincidence.

And so I began reading the blogs and meeting with people who had personally experienced some of the most horrific atrocities perpetrated at the highest levels of Church management.

One such meeting lasted for more than 5 hours, where I sat, with my mouth hanging open, trying not to vomit or pass out.  No one was that good an actor. No one could have made up the details of the story I heard. Hopefully, one day soon you will learn of that particular incident.

Then we started meeting more people who had left the church. Some had similar horror stories. Some had terrible experiences of disconnection by their immediate family members. Some had been physically injured, others mentally, and all spiritually.

Where is executive oversight? It appears , from countless reports, that Miscavige runs the whole show, with no one but his sycophants following him around, doing his bidding.

There are FAR too many reports, eye witness accounts, broken families and unanswered questions for all this to be manufactured by a group of “SP’s” as Church spokespeople continue to affirm. And a large majority of these reports have come from people who devoted 20, 30, 40 years or more of their lives to Scientology, many ex-Sea Org, many who personally worked with LRH. Am I supposed to believe that these people have anything to gain from making up such heinous lies? Pu-leeeease!

At that point we had decided to unofficially leave the Church. I had gotten Michael’s agreement that we would stay under the radar because I love my sister and my nieces very much and I didn’t want to jeopardize my relationship with them.

By this time, Michael and I had already met Marty Rathbun and Michael traveled to Texas to get some auditing. The week after he returned, my sister, who has been auditing on OT VII,  arrived in LA for work, and I decided to tell her some of what I had learned. I wanted to ease her in to the reality I had come to learn over a period of time – to “test the water” with her. She was shocked and clearly shaken and upset with me for bringing this up. She then disappeared for two days with no communication.

When I finally did hear from her she said she wanted to discuss what we talked about. So we got together and it was obvious she had been coached to “handle” me.

She told me I owed it to myself and to the church to go into CC and get the other side of the story. I was reluctant to do this as I knew I would be opening Pandora’s Box by alerting the church of my disaffection but she insisted that it would mean so much to her if I could just do that. I explained to her that it would probably make things worse but she said to me “I guarantee that if you are not convinced, Jenny Butler promised me you could just walk away and you would not be harassed” (Jenny Butler is CC Int President’s office staff).

Michael and I arrived at CC and  needless to say, I never got to speak to Jenny,  because when I arrived, two OSA officers were waiting for us. I refused to speak with them.

Right after this, Tommy Davis, Mike Sutter and one of Michael’s oldest friends, Lee Kessler arrived at Michael’s doorstep with goldenrod in tow and his “adventure” began in earnest. (The details are in Michael’s resignation letter to be found on Marty’s blog) Kessler set up this meeting with Michael on the false pretenses that they were going to discuss a script…

That night, my sister sent me a scathing voicemail stating that she heard what Michael had done,  and that I had better make sure that he goes in to the church and fix it. I was too furious to call her back so sent her a long text, explaining how they surveilled him, lied to him, threatened him, and harassed him. THIS is the church you’re defending?” I asked her. THIS is the church that’s going to save mankind??” I sent her several texts explaining the situation, trying to tell her what was really going on and then discovered that she had immediately forwarded my personal texts to OSA and Tommy Davis.

I then  sent a long email to my sister after that and one to my mother, to again try and explain the situation.

What follows are excerpts from the letter I got back:

“It is my power of choice to communicate with whom I wish – no-one decides this for me – I decide for myself…”

She lists several LRH references on Suppression and Suppressive Acts, and then quotes from a piece LRH wrote in 1964 countering an article written in the Saturday Evening Post that same year: “This “article”. LRH wrote, “is a rather clumsy effort to discredit the leader of a movement by direct personal attack…”

Neither Michael, I, Marty, Mike, nor the overwhelming majority in the Independent movement have EVER attacked LRH personally. So it’s obvious she means Miscavige who is under attack. LRH continued, “…By misquotes and inferences, statements out of context and avoiding all actual values, they seek to kill confidence and therefore the movement…” End LRH quote

Now my sister does an A=A=A: “You and Michael are trying to stop my Church, my beliefs, my life. I do not take your inclination in this direction lightly. You are both against LRH by connecting up with a squirrel and a declared SP who is making a weak fruitlessly feeble attack – it is one neither he nor you will ever win at, as Mommy pointed out to you months ago. Everything you are doing is in complete contravention with Scientology and LRH policies.”

She continues with the personal attack on Marty, Michael and myself and justifies the intervention at Michael’s. And there were additional vicious comments.. The e-mail doesn’t even sound like her. There are words in it I know she has never used before in her life. All too pathetic. She and my mother have both disconnected from me.

Once Michael’s letter on Marty’s blog went out, within 24 hours, over 100 Scientologist “friends” unfriended me on Facebook. Only two asked any questions of me whatsoever. Many of these were people I’ve known for over 20 years. Apparently JoJo Zawawi, a covert OSA operative, contacted all of my Scn FB “friends” and told them to unfriend me.

Then I found out that the DSA of CCI was calling my friends and students (I am a vocal coach) into ethics and showing my goldenrod declare, and telling them they are not allowed to associate with me anymore. One such student was having so many wins that we would both cry after each voice lesson because she handled so many barriers that neither of us could believe it!

Here is an excerpt from a success story from her…

“In about a month after learning the basics of Joy’s special vocal technique I discovered that ever since I started with Joy my throat has never hurt any more (so I cancelled my Dr’s Appointment as there was nothing to complain about)”

“…I have only been working with Joy for a few months, I cannot imagine what can be achieved in a year, she is just so absolutely amazing and fabulous. I believe she can help any singer to achieve their true potential.”

And then excerpts from her disconnection letter:

“I was asked to go in Ethics today at CC and read the declare on you as CC knew you were my teacher”

…I am very upset that I cannot continue working with you, I really love you and hope this gets handles in one way or another and I can come back to you. I am very sad to lose you as my teacher and my mentor as you have done so much for me…”

…The church does not allow me to continue being connected with you, and I am sure you understand. Even though we are taken apart for the time being, I still have nothing but respect and admiration for you as a being and nothing (not even a declare) can take that away…”

This was one of many students who are now no longer able to work with me as a result of this covert, black PR campaign against me. As a result I have lost a great deal of my income, not to mention my heart.

It would be very easy to be angry and hateful towards the loyal followers of DM’s church who have turned their backs on us, the truth is I feel very, very sorry for them.

Despite the arrogant valence of rightness most of them are stuck in, they are, in actuality, poor, duped victims, whose original intention was to dedicate their lives to helping their fellow man. By their own misguided trust and blind faith, they have allowed themselves to be manipulated so thoroughly, they can’t see that the Church they are fighting for is what is eating them alive.  They are not helping mankind – they are sinking into unconsciousness; unaware of the criminally false statistics, abuses, mind control and theft that are being perpetrated on mankind. And so they are contributing to it, unknowingly.

There is a line in one of my original songs, ‘Moth To A Flame’,  which states,

“Through your seductive smoke, I can finally see,

The darkness I tried to escape was the shadow you cast over me.”

I believe David Miscavige has cast  his degraded shadow over  LRH and it is my job to do what I can to expose that.

We, who have endured the pain of disconnection and loss and harassment are the lucky ones. We have superficial wounds. We have retained our clarity, our integrity and our eternity. They have forsaken theirs by refusing to see. We must continue to tell the truth here so that somehow, they might read one of our posts and walk back into the light.

I consider myself infinitely fortunate to have had the clarity, for whatever reason, to see the church for what it is, not what it used to be nor what I wish it was. The confront it takes to be willing to “have” that reality is what I believe LRH really wanted us take from his teachings.

Until this letter, I have made no official public declarations of my resignation. I was never shown a single KR (knowledge report), never offered a Com-Ev (Committee Of Evidence) was never officially contacted regarding my disaffection nor was I shown my Golden-rod Suppressive Declare Order. I was simply and covertly declared a suppressive person. This occurred long before I became as outspoken and aggressive as I am now.

After I started losing my friends, family, clients and business associates I became very vocal about my disgust, but I still had not put it in writing.

Well…HERE IT IS IN  WRITING!!! BAAAMMM!! Take THAT David Miscavige.

Love to ALL



I came into Scientology because I imagined a better world. I would like to believe we all came into Scientology for that reason. To end my declaration, I would like to share with you my version of John Lennon’s “Imagine”

248 responses to “Father’s Day With Joy Graysen

  1. My dear Joy,

    Beautiful written. It has been a real pleasure to meet and share. You are one kick-ass thetan. Warrior Princess !

  2. mark mckinstry


    Thanks for your post and for speaking out. Your story really communicates and reflects the observations and experiences that many of us have had.

    I”ve been a Scientologist for over 35 years and have worked in all aspects of the subject. As people like yourself speak up.. the balance of power of the current church is shifting. Theta will win out against the suppression that is being levied against those who want to make the truth known.

    The tactics used by DM have been to discredit and isolate those who speak up against him, paint these people as suppressive, and use the theta comm lines that LRH established to empower him. Without those, he would be seen for what he is. As he continues to abuse his position, his crimes will be exposed. I expect that they are far greater than any of us realize.

    But, every day, people like yourself step out and speak up. The tipping point is fast approaching. Welcome to our group. Proud to have you as a member.


  3. Wow Joy! Where to start?
    I absolutely LOVE the song you wrote for your dad. Took my breath away really.
    I experienced relief as you did after a severe loss – I completely duplicated that. How can you ever doubt LRH’s tech after such relief from that type of suffering. You can’t.
    Your story about how intricately our lives were controlled – OMG – I was on staff 12 years. My senior wanted to control my NOT getting pregnant. HA! (That baby turned 18 this week!) That control didn’t work too well – LoL – then there’s the one 18 months later too.
    BAAMMMM is right! Your student’s comm to you clearly shows disconnection is still policy in David Miscavige’s church.
    The holier than thou tudes…oh yeah, service facsimile city! Been there done that myself but guess what? Grade IV does handle that – oh but not in DM’s church. It’s really a very limiting and individuating way to be, that cuts off any real observation of truth.
    Your sister will come around and I know you’ll forgive her meannieness. You planted the seed that opens the door for her to look outside the box.
    Beautiful rendition of Imagine too. I could go on.
    But most importantly, it’s soooo nice to meet you!

  4. Joy,

    That is what you bring…Joy! I wish, (as I am sure we all do) that I could make your acquaintence under other circumstances, but I am comforted in knowing that “this too shall pass” and we all can take a part in seeing that LRH’s true legacy is made known and available to all. Welcome!

    Best to you,


  5. Awesome!!

    Take that indeed, dm.

    I, like many Scientologists, have been enjoying your music for years. You are a lovely, theta being.

  6. Joy — Absolutely wonderful write up. You and Michael are very special people. Integrity, intelligence and theta are the terms that come to mind when I think of you.

    It was so nice to finally meet you and look forward to seeing you again in a couple of weeks!

    BTW: I just want to acknowledge your perceptions. That “drill” on the VM’s came directly from the mouth of Miscavige. He issued specific orders that the staff were to be drilled beforehand to ONLY ask “Cash or Check” and have these bags ready for people to take. It was some “successful action” he had had Jenny Linson and Angie Blankenship (who by reporthas also now abandoned Dear Loser’s Titanic of Squirreldom) pilot at Flag.

    You are totally correct — this sort of thing DOES come from him (the only things that arent attributed to him are the disasters he orders that the public find out about — he then blames some underling).

    As a note — see the articles Marty wrote earlier about the James Gang. The days where Miscavology can interfere with anyone’s business activities by enforcing people not to frequent certain businesses due to their religious beliefs are soon coming to an end. He loves to hide behind the US Constitution – but he is under the mistaken impression the only person it protects is him. It protects your right not to be discriminated against based on your religious beliefs too. And he and his minions are conducting an orchestrated series of hate crimes around the country. He is convinced he is right, so doesn’t even consider the consequences. But, as any blind man could see (Dave, that IS a reference to you who so proudly lead the blind) there ARE consequences!

    Love to you and Michael.

  7. Dear joy,

    Thank you for sharing your first hand experience with all of us. You are truly a beautiful and lovable thetan. Glad to have you as a true friend.

  8. Great comment Mark. Really looking forward to seeing you 🙂

  9. Hi Joy-Beautiful letter and your singing is like the angels. I am so glad to see someone as theta as you out of such a horrible environment. You definitely have alot of friends here.

  10. Joy, an awesomely clear summation of your journey thus far. Thank You very much! You captured the slide of the CoS into a fascistic Pseudo-scientology that has lost the spirit and practice of LRH tech completely under the administration of Davic Miscavige.

    Anyone who reads your summation ought to be able to see the out-reality group beingness they have fallen into; let’s hope some actually do see it, wake up, and stand away from the lock-step they have been marching along in.

  11. Joy,

    What a beautiful write-up. Reading about your relationship with your father made me cry. I guess, it stirred my own emotions about my Dad who has been disconnected from me for the last 2 1/2 years, and whom I had such a similar close relationship with. I’m always surprised when I’m going along just fine and the next thing you know something like that hits me and there I go, all in tears. 🙂 🙂 Personal integrity is a very mighty thing. And… I will NEVER give up. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER.

    Thank you for speaking out and showing true courage, and integrity. You have made it that much easier for the next person to follow in your footsteps.

    Every one of the outness you listed that contributed to your ultimate realization were also stepping stones that helped me find my way too. Your story WILL help others, they WILL relate to it.

    I am so happy to have you in our group.

    Much love,

  12. Leave the babbling to corporate Scientology, honey!

    Your story is sparkling, like you. Welcome.

  13. Dear Joy,
    I hope to be your friend from now on, whether we meet or not. Love, Lynne

  14. Bert Schippers


    Wow, wow, wow!

    Thank you for speaking out and telling your story. May the insanities soon come to an end!

  15. Hello Joy,

    Aside from the fact that you are stunningly beautiful and talented, you have a huge heart.

    I hope your family will come around soon. I know how painful disconnection can be. AND how joyous it is to reunite on the “other side” too.

    I believe that more communication and sharing of TRUTH is the answer – just like this letter!

    Love, Amy

  16. Joy, I am so sorry you have been marked a Suppressive Person. All of us in Anonymous are glad you have escaped the cult and are very proud of you for having the courage to leave the cult. I pray your family comes to their senses and you can be reunited with them. Faith in anything should not break up your family or demand loads of money for your enlightenment. There are many enlightened people who can help you in your journey for free. The internet is a great way to meet them.


  17. “We, who have endured the pain of disconnection and loss and harassment are the lucky ones. We have superficial wounds. We have retained our clarity, our integrity and our eternity. They have forsaken theirs by refusing to see.”


  18. Wonderful and fantastic. I loved to read your story, Joy.

  19. Warrior Princess indeed!!

    Dakini (Buddhist term meaning goddess – literally one who transverses the sky or moves in space). Dakini’s protect the buddhist scriptures and the faithful.

    Definitely a warrior princess dakini!!


  20. Rocio Garcia


    Thank you for speaking out. You are a brave woman and it is great to have you in this group.


  21. scilonschools

    Joy what you so eloquently wrote was something quite extraordinarily special.
    On this day (Fathers day) it is especially hard for those who have lost a Father or Daughter through any kind of Disconnection, whether death or imposed by a corrupted organisation.
    But what you wrote covers another form of Disconnection, a truly Evil removal of Hope that is the enforced reality attempted by some.
    Disconnection from the ideals and beliefs that so many fell in love with, by that I don’t mean the pathetic ‘Declares’ dished out by the CoM, I mean those stuck within it through misguided loyalty or fear, those who are having every aspect of that belief whittled away until they are truly dead inside.
    Joy, your parents named you very well! And I am sure that there are many Fathers who would be overcome with pride of a daughter who has demonstrated what you have in this testimony
    Thank you Joy for you Special Message today.

  22. one of those who see

    Joy, what a beautiful voice you have. You are truly an angel. I don’t think we ever formally met, but I know you and i think you know me too. My heart aches over the enforced disconnection between you and those you love. i know of another teacher on the other side of the country who also has lost contact with her students because of enforced disconnection. It is evil. It’s end is coming soon. Until then, luckily there is no end to the numbers of people on this planet that want to sing and are in need of your theta guidance!
    Thank you for your very well written post!
    In “What do I think of Auditors” LRH wrote: “I think of auditors and Scientologists
    as the free people.”
    Well done for being a woman of integrity and a woman who is free.
    Hugs, Hugs, Hugs

  23. Joy,
    Im speechless, what an unbelievably poignant and powerful blog.

    I too, tried to bring up my misgivings to my beloved sister, who’s a Sea Org member in Denmark at some point. We have been very close all our lives. She brought me into Scientology. When she realized that I had done everything possible to dispel the “enthetha” and had come out with a heavy heart that I found it to be true, leaving me with no other conclusion than I could not be an active member as long as David Miscavige was at the helm, I could almost hear her jaw drop. She later got sent to the RPF because she was trying to dispel my assertions. She immediately requested a Board of Review (which per policy a person sent to the RPF is entitled to – remember per LRH one of the worst injustices is slow justice). After a year and a half in the RPF she had still not gotten a Board of Review (she was at the time almost 60 years of age and had been the most loyal Sea Org member for close to 40 years). That’s when I went on line and said that would they not grant her a Board of Review I would orchestrate having the Danish police check up on her welfare – and if that did not work I’d have my brother and ex-husband distribute fliers with her plight all over Copenhagen – and if that didn’t help I’d create waves in my husband’s side of the family (my husband’s brother and his wife are major contributors to anything related to Cult of Miscavige). Within a week she was out of the RPF. Shortly after my husband was informed by a friend that we’d been declared Suppressive Persons, again no Comm Ev, no nothing, just like in your case.

    You are so right in your whole attitude towards this whole thing. Talking about truly applying the Code of Honor. Words cannot describe how much I agree with you and how heart warming it is that people like you really exist. Thank you so much for your story.

  24. Joy, Wow, what a performance! Spectacular voice and arrangement to the anthem of a generation.
    Thank you for your excellent and heart felt write up. I had occasion today o witness a real life example of how the church under the “leadership” of DM has caused things to shrink. The Scientology community in Palo Alto was once at the forefront of the Scientology field. Phil Spickler was the leading Scientologist in the Bay Area and had a long roster of luminaries from diverse fields: sports (SF Quarterback John Brodie became the NFL’s most valuable player the season after he discovered Scientology at Phil’s mission), physics (Russel Targ and Hal Puthoff from Stanford) and many others. That was then. Today? The mighty Scientology Mission of Palo Alto sits at the end of a dead end street in one of those industrial row garage type buildings nestled anonymously between a printing company and a fitness garage that appears to be just opening. That is what Mussolini style mico-management begets. That is a real universe condition.
    Phil has long since withdrawn his support from organized Scientology but is still going strong after his 80th birthday. Scientology in Palo Alto, meanwhile, is in the toilet.
    And today organized Scientology at the celebrity level has lost a beautiful and rational voice.
    Our gain.
    Welcome, Joy.

  25. Dear Joy,
    Your story moved me. It was so darn similar to mine and my wife’s. I first fell in love with your voice in summer of ’92 at CCI when you would sing in the down stairs auditorium. I would come weekly just to hear you sing. Your Flag song was often on my mind. I loved the things you loved about Ron, the tech, the possibilities,and the results of applying it.
    But….everything I grew to hate about my former church can now be traced to DM and his sycophants. All the OT’s that I have come to disrespect due to their inability to apply even the most basics of ARC and a comm formula, are products of the DM cult. I am out and will never go back as long as DM or a likeness of him is running that funny farm. Besides, I never did like Kool-aide. SCN is alive and well in the world due to the independents.
    Thanks for your wonderful sharing and being part of the jail break.

  26. Anonymous:

    And look at the her declare was issued? Behind her back, through third party, through a grapevine. Not one KR. Not one Comm Ev. Not one ethics interview.

    Just: “Oh well, she should have know better, who cares about her contributions, forget the policy, just offload her!”

    Talk about rude? This is beyond rudeness. But it happens a lot. A couple of others I know were treated the same way. Work all your life, help the church and make just one mistake {something the church views as a mistake} and 1,2,3 You’re out.


  27. Joy,

    I was on lines at CC a lot in th early 90’s but do not remember meeting you. My loss.

    I am sure you will find Scientology much more enjoyable now that you can practice it freely and standardly. I am very happy for you.


  28. You are so correct Mike,

    Just today a friend of mine was harassed by the so called “Squirrel Busters” who could more accurately be called “Squirrel Supporters” the SS.

    Anyway enough entheta.

    Joy you are so welcome!

    Its so nice to have such bright intelligent people like you and Michael with us.

    Thank you for rehabbing some of my own personal wins.



  29. Dear Joy, thank you for sharing your story. Those unfriending you should be indicated that they are contributing to the destruction of the Ethics system by following an illegal conditions order.

  30. Joe Pendleton

    Joy, thank you so much for telling your story here. It was full of so much truth and wonderfully expressed points, I couldn’t even pick out individual points to comment on – I would be here for hours doing so if I tried. Your communication is very important as it will be here to give others needed reality on all that has occurred. You most certainly have my postulates for re-uniting with your family members. I have lost a dear loved one myself due to disconnection and it is a hole in my heart still. Again, thank you for your communication. And best to you and Michael.

  31. Freetothink

    I’m am very familiar with your version of Imagine. I’ve listened to it several dozens of times while driving in my car. I’ve also shed many tears while listening to it. Tears of joy, of hope, of gratefullness & of strong postulates for a new civilization. Your voice really touches me & communicates to me. I’ve become familiar with your fabulous voice & talent in the days I was very involved with the World Literacy Crusade.

    Your declarationis fantastic & the song for your Dad amazing. Until we meet in Texas, big hugs from Seattle

    Marie-Joe DePhillips

  32. VERY WELL DONE, Joy!!
    I’m sure you’ll build up a new client base, if that’s what you want to do.
    I’m not surprised Jojo is an OSA operative. I exchanged a few words with her myself and suspected it then.
    Wish you all the success and personal peace in the world.

  33. Joe Pendleton

    Bodil – Wow! What a job you did re: your sister! There wouldn’t be enough “V’s” in VVVVVVVVVVWD if I wanted to express it that way. You are a special being. I’ll just add my own observation of what an absolute outrage the RPF/Gulag is – what a travesty of every basic idea in Scientology.

  34. Dear Joy,

    You just set a good example for all the people with good hearts,
    who joined Scientology because they imagined a better world.

    Thank you for that and welcome to the free world!

    You will be fine.

    Andrey Organ.

  35. VWD Joy!

    You are free now.


  36. Thank you for the best write-up I have read yet. It captures so well the outpoints that the Church has become.

  37. Tony DePhillips

    Joy, that was so beautiful.
    I have always loved the “Flag is here” song and now I know who sang it.
    The only problem is, is that Flag is no longer here. Flag left the room.
    To me you sort of embody the theta soul of Flag with your music and the theta way you articulated what has happened to the church.
    Your theta has now left the cult of miss cabbage. With theta beings like you setting the example of true courage and integrity we will have a chance of reconstructing the group we once had.
    I am sorry for your personal losses. But I am happy knowing that you will be, do and have bigger and better than ever before.
    Thank you very much for what you have done to help this insane situation.
    We have your theta now, and you have ours.
    Welcome to the group of free thetans.

  38. Michael Fairman

    We’ve endured the bumps in the road of our twenty year journey but you’ve always brought music to my heart. This post is one of the most beautiful and heartfelt songs you’ve sung. The truth of what you’ve observed and now shared, reaffirms what we all have seen; and will help others to begin to see.
    You will always be “cookie”
    Love. Michael

  39. Joy, What a story.
    I’m very glad you’ve saved your sanity and planted seeds in so many others to get onto their own roads to sanity. If you still experience some loss of friends, I hope you accept me as friend. I admit that it’s not completely altruistic as your songs do move me somehow and I feel the power of your art.

    It’s so good you revoked your voice from an implant station and lend it to the cause of freedom as it’ll make you so much stronger and happier, I promise you. You not only gain friends that fight on the right side but also start cracking the valences of people like your sister who eventually will be so grateful for your courage.

    I think you still have a way of communicating to all the people that disconnected. Of course for them it’s totally out reality to attack Davey but the outpoints that are real to them can work magic. For most churchies the vulture culture and not moving on the Bridge are solidly real.

    So I think that moving on the Bridge, making huge stable wins for the first time in a decade and not spending lots of $$$$ on it would be pretty real to them. The way to communicate it and get around Davey that severed most of their comm lines to you, is of course the media that’ll gladly give you a forum.

    I’m so happy for you and that lucky Michael!

  40. Dear Joy,
    I once had the pleasure to meet a homeless man who is on first name terms with my father-in-law. I say pleasure because on first meeting him (hanging around the LA Opera house) he bounded up and said ‘Hi Placido!’. My father-in-law grinned and surreptitiously crammed a small wad of money into his waiting hands. ‘Thanks Placido’! said the man and a look of understanding passed between the two of them – like old friends.
    I recall immediately comparing this simple act of generosity and kindness to a similar incident where I had been traveling on the London Underground many years earlier with a group of Sea Org Members in uniform. A ‘bum’ had approached and asked for money whereupon the CO CLOUK nastily told the ‘bum’ to ‘get a job’ before walking away, the pack of Sea Org members followed, giggling like a pack of aristocratic self-satisfied hyenas. The CO CLOUK at the time was Jeannie Bogvard who had been sent from uplines on a garrison mission. Before this incident, I had held Jeannie in very high esteem and was shocked and horrified to see a ‘Scientologist’ and senior Sea Org Member of such high standing treat another being this way.
    The luck you talk about in having been able to see what was going on in the church clearly comes from your abundant love of life and people and your compassion.
    The ‘big beings’ that the C of M like to boast about are not those who can generate endless funds to line Miscavige’s pockets. They are those like yourself, who love ALL people now matter their position or status in life. Those who rise up against injustice, intolerance, prejudice and inhumanity and say ‘NO!’
    I hope the family members you have lost may escape their emancipation soon and no-longer remain hostage to those who have become callous and cruel having (temporarily) lost all humanity by virtue of association with the vicious psychopath who controls them.
    And I hope that my daughter Paloma and Sky get to meet someday. I’m guessing that any daughter of yours and Micheal’s is as beautiful in spirit and as special as mine.
    By the way – my ex-husband recently lost 36 ‘friends’ to the Facebook Police (Brittany Garret is also an operative working with Jojo). He now has 145 new ones 😉


  41. Impartial English Girl

    Joy – what an inspirational post. I hope you go on to bring the truth of and inner happiness of “Joy” AND “Joy” to many others! Also – and I don’t wish to sould like a “syrup overdose” – but I really feel strongly that, from wherever he is, your father is smiling down on you and is very very proud of you.

    IEG xx

  42. Dear Joy
    Thank you for sharing your story remarkable !! And Might I add also your voice
    Very Theta I have to say !!!!,” Imagine ” was wonderful and you look beautiful. I hope things around you will be more at ease now this has been shared and you will be at peace, as we say in england Bless you !

  43. Powerful summation, man the truth really can go through 4″ steel

  44. Joy,

    What an incredible statement! You hit the nail on the head in so many ways! Thank you for your courage and determination! It’s clear, you care very much! You have made this Father’s Day very special! ml, Laura

  45. It is amazing to see the diversity of experiences with DM and Scientology (two terms that should, ideally, never be associated). At the top of the scale is CREATE and INDIVIDUAL FREEDOM. Human beings follow the heard and Scientology as a group has always been the same way, even before DM. The party line speaks louder that the individual’s creative intelligence for most people. I found that one often had to go against the heard to implement certain LRH tech or policies but certainly not always. Artists, such as yourself and Michael, are all about CREATE. Glad you’ve made it. Congratulations!

  46. Sam, Jeannie obviously never heard the LRH tape wherein he says clearly that he gives $$ to homeless — (back in the day called beggars) because you never know where that little bit of kindness in the form of money might propel the person.

    Maybe Jim Logan knows the exact tape?

    Your former father-in-law is truly a celebrity. Talented, humble and kind.


  47. Beautiful and moving.

    Your beautiful and moving story will be here forever on Marty’s weblog. Today and tomorrow OTs in doubt will read your story and it will give them comfort and courage to walk away from David Miscavich’s suppressive touch.

  48. Joy, your integrity, talent, intelligence, beauty and ability to communicate surpass the abilities of those who continue to imprison themselves in the cult of David Miscavige.

    You have lost nothing that will not come back to you, while you have gained so much more. I admire you a great deal.


  49. oops – I mean obtain emancipation not escape it! 🙂

  50. Joy,

    Marty, Mike and others are to me and many others the voice of the Independent Movement. I move to make you the “Heart and Soul” of our efforts to really be free.

    Flag loses out on this one as now they can’t play your version of “Flag is Here” (which I heard hundreds of times over the years at Flag graduation).

    Your words bring to mind the thoughts, attitudes, dreams and determination of our Founding Fathers when they decided to write the Declaration of Independence. Let them send their “Red Coats” (“blue shirts”??). We have integrity and “right” on our side so we will win this war. With “soldiers” such as you on our side, how can we lose?

    Welcome officially to the ranks of the Independents!!

    Hy Levy

  51. Very powerful letter Joy, I can only echo the sentiments of those above. You are a remarkable woman, and with Michael a formidable team I suspect! Thanks for speaking out.

  52. Joy, what a beautiful letter! You have captured the arc of my Scientology experience exactly!

    We followed a shining dream, only to see it become a twisted nightmare.
    Perhaps the most shocking part was to see people we loved and trusted become unrecognizable minions of the evil little man creating the cult nightmare.

    Welcome to a new life where joy and laughter are commonplace!

    David St Lawrence

  53. WH,
    I’m sorry, offhand I don’t know that tape. I do know that one ignores people at his peril. Not just as ‘PR’ but as part of the Dynamic.

    Years ago in Toronto, Johan, a Swiss guy in his 60s who used to bum quarters at the corner of Avenue Rd and Bloor, gave me subway fare to get home. He and I had a comm line as Div 6 staff used to go down to that corner to body route.

    When I hit ‘hard times’, tossed like garbage from DM’s Int Base, it struck me as I read the PDC’s how little real care was manifest in my own life. Yes, I was working in the Sea Org and felt like I was ‘doing something about it’, yet here I was, experiencing this feeling of being completely disposable and of no value to the group at all despite what I’d contributed.

    When a guy ‘down on his luck’ approached me today, if I’ve got a quarter or a dollar or just a ‘sorry, nothing on me’ for the being I give it. Not because I’m the world’s most compassionate being by any stretch, but because in the scheme of things, we all could use a hand when we hit ‘hard times’. Even just to let the being know there is a hand there.

  54. Joy,
    Nice to meet you. And especially nice to know there are beings of such caliber and grace that are so tenacious on a given course.

    I’m very priveleged to have so many wonderful beings aligned on such positive aims.

  55. Joy — What a beautifully communicated statement! I note your strong sense of community …

    I love your song dedicated to your dad, “Burning Flame,” as well as your rendition of John Lennon’s “Imagine.”

    Many thanks for all you have done in the past, are doing in the present, and will do in the future. You are, indeed, an artist!! L, H

    “The artist injects the spirit of life into a culture.” LRH

  56. I see that I also need to sit down and finally lay out the story of three generations of betrayal within my family as a result of our prior association with the cult of Miss Cabbage.

    Thank-you so much for not only the inspiration to actually do this, and as well as to carry on in the Independent Field

    Thanks also your frank insight into the plight of those damaged souls left behind.

    May our collective success help lead to their freedom.

    Vic Krohn

  57. John Fennessey

    Dear Joy, as a father I can tell you Sam could have no greater gift today than basking in the light with the knowledge of who you are and what you have done. He IS sitting there with you. And I am sure he is not only beyond proud and happy about who you are, but appreciative that you have pushed the door open a bit more for your sister and mother to eventually join you in a place we all have sought from the beginning. There are fathers day gifts which transcend anything a dad can hope or dream of getting. Today you have shown to us what such a gift can look and feel like. I am sure many of the dads reading your story and listening to your song are equally moved and not a little bit envious. God bless you and your whole family. Well done Sam.

  58. I forgot to mention how much I enjoyed the 2 songs, you shared with us! They inspired me! This should be a beautiful day! ml, Laura

  59. Cowboy Poet

    Your writeup was lovely in its simplicity and good intentioned purity–it’s perfectly presentable to anyone with a sound mind.
    It beautifully tells another story of “those disgruntled apostates”.
    Thank you very much!
    In your honor, I give you…

    The Apostate

    You asked me for faith,
    so I took the leap.
    It wasn’t that hard;
    there were treasures I’d reaped.
    There were lessons I took,
    that I learned quite well.
    There are people I helped,
    great stories to tell.

    So I can’t, for the life of me,
    figure out how.
    Such damned good things,
    could end up south.
    So I studied some history,
    to find out the who.
    And found behind the chaos,
    are people like you.

    Oh, this isn’t the first time;
    this has happened before.
    There’s the young mother’s blood,
    it’s Jihad on the floor.
    And the alter boys’ robes,
    while the parents prayed.
    That fell to the priests,
    under the guise of sage.

    There’s Abraham’s children,
    machined gunned to death.
    Then the Holocaust denied,
    with carrion breath.
    There’s the women you sentenced,
    as witches to burn.
    Your reptilian smile,
    hid by cheeks always turned.

    “Your cup runneth over,
    if you follow me.”
    Is promised again
    and still they don’t see.
    And whatever the crime,
    it’s the faithful who pay.
    For the leader’s peccadilloes,
    that become Orders of the Day.

    So take your “religion”,
    your edicts and whores.
    It’s a far cry from holy,
    inside those church doors.
    And so take your politics,
    that’s an empty glass.
    I’ll deal with the devil,
    he’s got more class.

  60. Yvonne Schick

    Beautiful message. Beautifully expressed. Beautiful demonstration of talent. Beautiful being at its source.

    I had the good fortune to be at Flag in the summer of ’93. I was on Solo One in the courseroom with Michael. He always kept things a little lighter with his insouciance. Friday nights were the highlight of the week when you would walk on stage singing the Flag song. Brought tears to my eyes and gave me chill bumps every time. So very moving. I remember hearing the news you were going to have a baby and how totally excited everyone on the base was because we knew that with you and Michael as parents we could look forward to someone very special.

    Welcome to your new life and thank you for this announcement. May your message inspire more goodness, compassion, and integrity in each of us. It has for me.

  61. Cowboy Poet

    …just got my home speakers to work. WOW!! An incredible song!!!!! Smoooooth, gentle and kind–just like your story.

  62. Your humble servant


    Thank you for this lengthy and beautiful account. Adherents of the Church of Scientology are sadly mistaken if they think L. Ron Hubbard would have ever wanted a thoughtless, slavish dedication to the current leadership of the Church. In fact, he many times said the opposite. I am sorry for the temporary losses you have experienced from speaking out, but I believe that what you have done is ultimately very curative. All of those and what you have lost will one day come back to you.

  63. Joy,

    Beautifully written.

    Well, I am one of the ones who don’t know you, but I am very glad I do now.

    Your story brought back fond memories of the early days when there was true caring & excitement about this adventure.

    I walked in to a Mission 40 years ago, and like you, I found “a group that nurtured our inherent nature to be kind and powerful at the same time”. Being welcomed with open arms into a group, no matter who you were or what shape you were in, was one of the principles we innately applied – the granting of beingness with the intention to help another raise to higher heights.

    The Mission network was expanding like wildfire and, unlike today, many attained Org status with REAL stats & quals.

    Unfortunately, along with becoming an Org, came a whole plethora of orders & programs from above, the G.O., the S.O. and the I.A.S. I am not saying orders & programs are invalid, nor all members of the G.O., S.O. & IAS were/are off the rails – many have stellar qualities to this day although constantly suppressed. But, the original game within the church changed.

    The outpoints now are too numerous to mention, but suffice it to say that this game we entered into has been intentionally altered and bears little resemblance to what most of us knew.

    What was once an enjoyable & productive environment became toxic. It ‘appeared’ that everyone ‘outside’ was either a DB or an enemy and anyone new was treated with suspicion until they were ‘accepted’. Now this occurs ‘within’ the church. This new viewpoint was & is very foreign to me … not the Scientology I knew at all.

    I can only hope that more like you will allow those innate purposes and actions to see the light of day again.

    Thanks again for your great write-up

    I enjoyed it.


  64. Joy, thank you for your inspirational BAAAMMM!! letter. I am confindent your message will help free many confused in doubt “churchies”.

    Your tribute to your dad was so theta. He must really smile when he feels you sing, “you are my shooting star”….perfect song for this or any fathers day.

    Welcome to this group of thetans who wear big boots as they move forward step by step blowing the whistle on the criminality inside the current church of scientology.

    Michael & Sky are two very lucky guys

    By the way, don’t be surprised when just around the corner your vocal business goes into screaming affluence.

    Warm regards and much love;


  65. I have read it all Joy. Celebrities get shoulded anbd Ego-boosted while Staff and Public is invalidated and broken down

    The end result is Tom Cruise-valence 😉

    Glad you speak up 🙂

  66. Joy, you are known, and rightfully so, for your singing voice. Who knew, your writer’s voice is also so powerful and beautiful. Many of us here have somewhat similar stories of finding the magic and then discovering years later how it had been trampled, but the journey has seldom been told with such eloquence. We hope to hear much more from you, in both of your voices.

  67. … just listened to your Imagine.mp3

    Beautiful rendition! Great voice!

    Well done!

  68. Beautiful, John! Just beautiful.

  69. Joy – Thank you so much for sharing your story; it completely blew me away. Your integrity and power of observation was and is a huge threat to the cult of DM, which he keeps propped up with broken souls. With what you say here is an eye opening for many more still a sleep.

    L-o-v-e-d your version of ‘Imagine’ !

    My very best wishes and welcome to the Independents !!

    Love, Kirsi

  70. Dear Joy,

    Thank you for your bold and gallant story.

    First thing in the morning I always make a cup of tea. Instead I was transfixed by your story. How execrable to disconnect you from your family and to try to ruin your business. This is the leverage DM tries to use to keep himself in power. Your truthfullness cut right through his evil purpose.


    Hi Joy and WELCOME!!!!!!! yes I do know you and had hear your incredible voice and talent, I’m glad you were able to see the truth and became part of US !!!!!WELCOME AGAIN!!!!!! your write up didn’t surprise me, we all in some ways have endure some of those things… so feel FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and ENJOY your new friends……
    Hope to see you soon.

  72. Cowboy, this is my favorite of yours thus far. Good and evil — op terms that were meant for each other. Religion — mine vs. theirs. The challenge of the ages — freedom of religion. My choice: “No religion, too.”


  73. GetTheConcept

    Wow, Mike, thanks for letting me know that DM was the one invented that horrible way of selling somebody something. At the time I was first told to use it, I should have known better than to NOT question a “technique” as to whether or not it had anything to do with actual Scientology.

  74. Tony,
    I’ve had the honor of visiting your home and meeting with yourself and many of your friends.
    You and your lovely wife are already well on the way to “reconstructing the group we once had.”
    Hell, Tony, I can feel it all the way out here.

    Very theta.


  75. Joy, welcome to the ranks of the future of Scientology!

    Joy Grayson, the voice of a generation of Scientologists. You always sang your heart out, to touch those who would listen. For that I admire you.

    I’m sorry I didn’t help you out with the pet last year. You see, I was on my way to last years 4th of July Indy celebration 🙂

    Love, Tom

  76. Joy,
    You are one of those celebs whom I have seen and listened to so many times that I feel we’ve been formally introduced. Your theta and joyful music has always created the desired effect in my universe.

    Thank you for your music. Thank you for your voice of reason and thanks for speaking it loud and clear.


  77. 40 Yr Scientologist

    Congrats, Joy! Wonderful message, eloquently written – and what a consummate artist you are!

    The “defriending” and disconnection by those one considered lifelong friends (and relatives) exemplifies the INTENTIONS of Miss Cabbage, and the result of his so called “leadership”.

    My wife and I have been subjected to this in the last couple weeks, and we will be coming out publicly very soon, further inspired by yours and Michael’s eloquent public stands for freedom and truth. Our heartfelt thanks to both of you for your courage and trust.

    Best, 40 Yr.

  78. Gary Morehead a.k.a Jackson


    Thank you so much fr your communication.

    It is rather interesting how much the event’s unfold step by step for two individuals who were worlds apart yet shared the same, entheta, challenges, conflicts and tearing apart of ones soul. What is even more shocking is how this effect trickled down so far into the seams of the Scientology network.

    Two things I have to say, I am sorry for my contribution towards this painful downfall in your life and THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU and Standing up and doing what is right.

    And as Christie said… “Thank you for speaking out and showing true courage, and integrity. You have made it that much easier for the next person to follow in your footsteps.” That is the most important of all.

    Standing up as you have done for yourself, Michale, your family and friends, Myself, M&M, M&C, Sarge, Sam, Sinar, Jimbo etc and the rest of us true Scientology Gladiators brought great warmth to my soul. What you have done certainly has made it that much easier for the next person and line of people to step up to their next level of confront toward eliminating Radical Corporate Scientology!

    Hey, because of you I know we are for a fact one step closer towards freedom for Heber Jentzsch and Shelly Miscavige!

    Thank you Joy and I look forward to seeing you in July!!

    — Jackson

  79. Right on Mike …

    Running the gauntlet after an event was a feat in itself.

    It reminds me of something LRH mentioned about beggars … we pay them money to ‘go away’.

    I remember how many times I bought just so they would ‘go away’.

    It is the exact opposite of having a public that actually ORGINATES wanting to buy a product.

    Such a shame that these members have stooped to the level of beggars.

  80. Cowboy Poet

    You da man!! Nice job with your sister!

  81. Excellently written!

    THIS is what communicates and has the possibility of getting through to those still adhering to the Miscavige Administration.

    Name-calling and antagonism shuts down those who are still supporters. This up tone, factual comm has a chance.



  82. Joy- your story is so beautifully written. You are so truthful and authentic. I know the pain of being abandoned by all those you considered family and friends, but for each of them that is no longer in your life, you will be rewarded with many,many more who will truly fit the definition of “friend”. It WILL happen – in fact it has. Welcome to this family- those individuals who like the rest of humanity share your values. I often wondered how long it would take for Miscaviges’ disdain and contempt for mankind would grab hold of org public. You answered my question by your accounts. Wishing you an abundance of all that is good. Your Dad, wherever he is, I’m sure is feeling the love and joy you bring to all of us today.

  83. Joy, This is an amazing story. You are an amazing person. I hope your family, friends and students get a chance to read this. It is their loss that they are no longer in your world. You are definitely not a suppressive person. Please, continue to spread your joy of life, your compassion for others, your artistry, your truthfullness, your love. DM has no chance in the face of that.

  84. Joy,

    A very touching and sincere writing here. I understand the pain of friends of many years disconnecting from you so suddenly. And your student. It just assaults people’s senses when they are told that you cannot be in comm with so and so because they are no longer in good standing with the church. And actually, per my experiences and observations with others, it’s (DISCONNECTION ) even a little more 1.1 now. It simply goes something along this line, “we’re not going to tell you that you have to disconnect from ____________ (insert your long-time turned Indie friend here) but the policies are very clear about what happens if you continue to associate with them.” In other words, “if you don’t disconnect, you’ll be declared too.”

    And “because you’ve committed a high crime we can just call a Comm Ev right now” and other nice threats. You want to make an enemy Mr or Mrs MAA, by all means keep talking.

    In fact, the CofM has abandoned LRH Policy which is why so many people can be so quickly and covertly labeled – or not even labeled but so black PR’d on and by official terminals and channels that you might as well have been labeled.

    As you say, you weren’t shown a KR and I can only assume that you haven’t received a copy of your Declare by official means either. There’s a new SOP and it’s widening the chasm, it consists of covert declares, whispering campaigns, etc. The church has definitely spun in on itself, a psychiatrist doesn’t even need to lift a finger at this point because Miscavige’s own policies will continue to destroy the subject and it’s repute.

    So good on you for getting away from that insanity! Grown from your experiences and indeed prosper by them! Eventually, we’ll get everything back in order and restore the checks and balances that LRH had originally intended.


  85. Theo Sismanides

    Dear Joy, I listened to your beautiful song today on father’s day! I think this is no coincidence that you “speak” out today. I am very, very sure your father set a great example as to what Scientology really meant and is all about. I wish I will turn out to be such a father and get my children onto that path of truth on their own self determinism. All the rest is so unimportant now as we do have Scientology back now. Thank you for being here and speaking out. I am in Greece and salute you and Michael from this part of the world.

  86. Yes Windhorse – he is all that and more 🙂
    I would love to find out where that reference is you talk about. It indicates so much more than the ‘DB’ attitude. Anyone?

  87. Tony DePhillips

    Nicely said John.
    Happy Fathers day Dads.

  88. Tony DePhillips

    You’re on a roll Cowboy! That was excellent.

  89. Luis Garcia


    That was beautiful, just beautiful. Your perceptions and obnosis are spot on. I’m sorry that your mom and sister disconnected from you, but I’m sure this is a temporary lapse of judgment on their part. In contrast, you have gained many new friends here and have certainly earned our respect as well.

    Thank you for keeping your integrity, thank you for speaking out and making your thoughts known. Your beautiful voice is reaching far and wide, and will help many have their own awakening.

    I am proud to be your friend.


  90. Joy,

    Thanks very much for the beautiful songs! Most of all, thanks for sharing your song of Independence!

  91. Joy, Welcome and thanks for writing this. I’ve taken the liberty of adding your name to the Indie 500 List.

  92. +10 CP!

  93. Vic,

    I would love to know your story. I’m from the Sacramento area and I may have met your wife.

  94. Joy,
    You have saved your eternity, and the eternities of others with this beautiful write up. Those who refuse to see cannot be made to see.
    You have made a great dent in the armor of the evil dwarf. Even his minions won’t be able to pound this one out.
    Good luck with your family, your Facebook friends were never your friends anyway. They just wanted to bask in your real celebrity, since they had none of their own.

  95. Joy,

    The music is divine, and such an enormous gift in itself.
    It is clear from that gift you mean to contribute to a better world.
    I am glad to know you have stepped away from the current scene at the Church and found it beneath yourself to contribute to that madness.
    You are a hope and magic with a voice.
    Still using yours to make a better world.

    The Oracle

  96. Wow CP!

    Loved the poem.




  97. It will be my honor to share it with you and the other regulars here and on the other freedom-loving blogs.

    Many of my significant experiences, and those of my mother and one of my sons, were in the PAC area, where they were both posted in the SO and I worked for OSA.

    See you soon.


  98. Dear Joy,

    Thank you for making your voice known, both literally and figuratively. Your rendition of IMAGINE is very beautiful, the best that I have heard. You bring a new dimesion to that song. And, your song for your father is Incomparable!! It is a gift to all of our fathers. Thank you so much. My father has been gone for a long time, and I didn’t realize how much I missed him until I heard your song. It made me cry, and realize I had suppressed grief for my father who died in 1979 of cancer. I have very fond memories of him, and your song is a tribute to fathers everywhere. Thank you for sharing this gift on this special day honoring Fathers. I will visit my mother today, because I know she misses him, too.

    Welcome to the Indie movement. It is very important, probably the most important movement on Planet Earth since LRH announced his discoveries to the world. We are the ones keeping the legacy of his true technology alive for the ages to come. Thank you for making public your warm, compassionate viewpoint, and adding your beautiful voice to the rest of ours in speaking out! You are truly a Joy to the World!

    As for Disconnection of loved ones, that is only temporary. Our ideas, and our voices cannot be stopped. The barriers to our communications are makeshift and ramshackle, a virtual house of cards about to fall down at any moment. Laws are being broken in abundance, and it is only a mattter of time, and action, until it becomes clear that we are not fooling around. Personally, I have found that whatever the Church of Misconnection takes away from us; is replaced TENFOLD by REAL FRIENDS, REAL BUSINESS, AND REAL CUSTOMERS; that won’t desert you just because some authority figure, and some authoritarian viewpoints, say that you can’t have what is rightfully yours. I for one, would love to become one of your voice students. And, I am sure there are many others IN ABUNDANCE in the world outside of that authoritarian, totalitarian regime in which we have all been forced to live, until we broke free, that would LOVE to be your Friend and your Customer.

    Have a wonderful Father’s Day, and hope to see you in Texas soon!


    Much Love,
    Catherine von Ach.

  99. Vic, when you are ready to share your story, we would like to post it on our blog also.

    David St Lawrence

  100. Incredibly well written!
    Your writing has the ability to inspire and move mountains.

  101. Dear Joy,
    You have deeply touched my heart with your story and your songs.

    You are a true testament to why all of us are here NOW and it is because we love LRH. Like you, we knew from the start that with LRH we could navigate through the lifetimes of crap and come out on the other side, more cause.

    This remains the glue that brings us to present time. And while we all ignored the outpoints for a while as we considered the perceived loss, all of this is just part of the journey and as a favorite fellow said: “The only way out is through”.

    So here we all are, new unit of time, and we are getting through this quagmire of crap created by the David MissCabbage.

    Imagine, as you so beautifully sang, being on the other side, with the true LRH lovers flourishing and prospering. I see it — we are a hellava grand group of thetans, who, when challenged, know what to do and can do it.

    I am privileged to have such a great group of new friends – real friends. I am so very fortunate to include you in that group. Welcome and I can’t wait to meet you in person.. Love, Kay

  102. Hi Joy – pleasure to meet you. A beautiful post. It is obvious to me you are a very caring person. Thank you for speaking out .

  103. Kathy Braceland

    Great to hear your story Joy. I’m glad you’re here!

  104. Scott Campbell

    Hi Joy,

    Boy, what a sweetheart you are. Your love of life and creation of beauty and truth shines through in your post.

    I know that its hard for an artistic being like you to see the subject of Scientology compromised by the oppressive MEST organization that David Miscavige has created in place of the Church of Scientology. It goes against your basic nature.

    Would that we could make it all right with a wish…

    Alas, that is not to be. We have work to do.

    Thank you for publicly declaring your support for Independent Scientology and for your help and friendship in maintaining a beautiful vision for the future. Keep making beautiful music and we’ll all get through this together!

    L, Scott

  105. Rory Medford

    you are beautiful in every way!!! it feels good to be yourself, express yourself and tell it like it is… all of you are real S CN on this blog inside the church you have the blind leading the blind. DM said it so perfectly at one of the events, little did he know he was talking about himself

    The rest of the field in SCN needs to open their eyes to what DM has created and it is a creation of fear, do as I say not as I do

    He is a madman!

  106. Scott Campbell

    Wow, Cowboy!

    You blew me away with that one.

    “I’ll deal with the devil, he’s got more class.”

    Boy, that was a classic capper if I’ve ever heard one!

  107. Thank-you friend. It will be my pleasure. Vicki and I can’t wait to get our schedules back together and hang with you guys.

    Keep up the great work,

    P.S. Again, thank-you Joy. My story, like yours, is a bit involved and you gave me the inspiration I need to get it all put together and out there. Unfortunately, without the magnificent vocals. But, as a preview, my first Scientology event was the Grand Opening of the CC on 8th Street in LA (Fall 1969 or so) – Yvonne, Heber and the rest of the wonderful folks just going into ascendency. Some pretty vocals also on that night you can be sure.

  108. Rory Medford

    This describes DM to the TEE!!!!

    “When working with the criminal, one can get a very good idea of that person’s mental state by getting him to say what other people want and do or are guilty of.

    “It is inconceivable to the criminal that anyone could possibly be decent or do a selfless act. It would do no good whatever to try to convince him, for he KNOWS all men are like himself.

    “Thus, one gets another datum:

    “Fortunately, there are still a lot of decent people left in the world.”

    Reply | Reply with quote | Quote

  109. One of the things that I have noticed that seems to be common with the Independents I’ve been meeting is their unwillingness to continue down the path of other-determinism that is demanded in miscavige’s cult.

    Here’s a cool LRH quote to match that reality:

    “Beware of all routes where you have to ask for approbation and permission in order to be.”

    “The only possible way that you can get any freedom is to stop asking everybody’s permission to be.” LRH

    (from PDC supplementary lecture #6

  110. martyrathbun09

    I am really looking forward to this.

  111. Yo Tony, I guess you could say Flag has left the room and is now HERE outside with the Independents! Truly, we come back.

  112. Vic,

    I was never at the CC back in the ol’days when Yvonne was the prez.

    But I do remember going to a CCI event in the mid ’80’s that was truly magical (before the days of that pretentious “Ball” where 1000 bucks will get you a plate of rubber chicken if you dress up like a penguin so you can rub elbows with TC and his Satanic Majesty) that Ray Mithoff MCed back when his hair was still long.

    What I remember best about the event was a big 20 ft copy of the HCOB “What We Expect of a Scientologist” posted next to the stage and a place next to it reserved for Ron and Mary Sue.

    After Ray introduced the first act there was just music by various Scientology musicians and no pompous boring and turgid speech by some know best moron explaining a subject he knew little about just music and all of us and our neighbors in the in their balconies dancing and clapping to the music that went on almost all night.

    Too bad that spirit is gone now whatever it was had definitely left the building after the “renovations” and the whole place became nothing but an ornament.

  113. simonbolivar

    Here for you Joy, a poem from Sri Chinmoy, a spiritual poet of India.

    True inner joy is self – created.
    It does not depend on outer circumstances.
    A river is flowing in and through you carrying the message of joy.
    This divine joy is the sole purpose of life.

    Happy to have you with us

  114. Me too guys.

    Me effin’ too.


  115. It’s from the ‘Manners’ PL


    You have no idea how important people are. There is a reversed ratio-those at the bottom have a self importance far greater than those at the top who are important.

    A char lady’s concept of her own importance is far greater than that of a successful
    general manager!

    Ignore people at your peril.

    Flattery is not very useful, is often suspect, as it does not come from a sincere
    belief and the falsity in it is detectable to all but a fool.

    A person’s importance is made evident to him by showing him respect, or just by
    assuring him he is visible and acceptable.

    To see and acknowledge the existence of someone is a granting of their

    To know their name and their connections also establishes importance.

    Asserting one’s own importance is about as acceptable as a dead cat at a wedding.

    People have value and are important. Big or small they are important.

    If you know that you are half way home with good manners.

    Thus PR can occur.

  116. Robert Earle

    Thank you and welcome Joy.
    With all that has been said so far regarding your announcement it leaves little room to say anything new. Clearly your voice rings loud and clear and is very welcome here.As are you. A wonderful addition.
    And to Marty and others , thank you for providing this place where such a theta communication of truth can be voiced freely.

  117. Joy Graysen

    Awwww-you guys!!!
    I will take the time to thank you and respond individually, time permitting, but I just wanted to give you all a BIG group hug and thank you for making me feel so loved. I am beside myself with happiness and inner peace knowing I have done the right thing and connecting myself with all of you sweet, brave people.
    Each and every one of you has touched me in a personal and unique way and for the first time in 25 years I don’t feel heartbroken on Fathers’ Day.
    MUCH love and support,

  118. Hello Joy,

    Well done!!! In a nutshell – I know your story is being FULLY duplicated on this site.

    You can see things for what they are and you have the courage to hold your position and communicate. These are not minor abilities.

    I wish you the best.

  119. “By their own misguided trust and blind faith, they have allowed themselves to be manipulated so thoroughly, they can’t see that the Church they are fighting for is what is eating them alive. They are not helping mankind – they are sinking into unconsciousness; unaware of the criminally false statistics, abuses, mind control and theft that are being perpetrated on mankind. And so they are contributing to it, unknowingly.”

    Hey Nancy Cartwright: Happy “Bada Boom…I mean it’s like wham” to you. Your millions donated have done nothing but hurt others. is this what you want from your religion?

  120. Tony DePhillips

    Go Vic go!! Go Vic go!!!

  121. Yes RJ, the early days there were really special. Even still, I ended up doing my first service at ASHO when it was on Temple, across from the police station – hard TR’s. Great introduction.

    I also have many great memories of the LA and Sacramento/Northern California mission scenes up to the early 80’s as well. In fact, I remember when I first met Diana at a combined mission event – there were over 2,000 people there if memory serves – and no crush regging or weird dono cycles. Imagine that.

    More to follow.

  122. Wonderful clarity of vision and word, Joy.

    A vital and effective communication to all Scientologists looking to answer those nagging questions, the ones that just won’t go away!


  123. Joy wrote:

    “Once Michael’s letter on Marty’s blog went out, within 24 hours, over 100 Scientologist “friends” unfriended me on Facebook. Only two asked any questions of me whatsoever . . . .Apparently JoJo Zawawi, a covert OSA operative, contacted all of my Scn FB “friends” and told them to unfriend me.”

    Important Lesson to be Learned:

    “Coming out” is a tactical action. We know from LRH that the MEASURE of an action is how much contributes to achieving the goal.

    If the main thing that results from coming out is that those of us on this and other blogs give a cheer and feel encouraged, undecided lurkers are encouraged, and the person who comes out feels relief, great. But, has the person coming out gotten the most out of his resources (like, his comm lines) and struck the greatest blow against DM?



    They would would have cleaned house FOR ME, cutting the comm between those who know about me, and those who I want to continue to remain in the dark.

    Right now, if I am DM, I am having OSA and others TRYING TO FIND OUT who is not aligned with me. That ‘s one of the reasons I have all that sec checking going on and I insist on KRs. It would be a blessing if those people I am trying to ferret out identified themselves for me and got rid of themselves! They won’t be around to influence others and I can relax a bit.

    Accordingly, in the case of people who are in, and who have cognited on DM, likely the best thing for you to do is:

    1. USE your comm lines to spread the data on DM to your friends (using gradients 2wc, not assault, and mainly LRH POLICY references), while you have credibility with them, so as to
    2. Get as many people as possible enlightened about DM, so they cease supporting him.
    3. Somewhere in the process, you will likely be indentified (as the subversive you are!).
    4. I would MAKE the m____er f_____ker throw me out. I would not do his dirty work for him. It is YOUR church, not DM’s.
    5. I would then, for whatever it is worth, i f only because it is LRH policy, write a KR and broadly circulate it, laying out the facts (like Lois, Helmut, and others did).
    6. Now that I have gotten the most mileage out of my comm lines and done the most to erode DM’s internal support, I can make my independent announcement, (pointing out that I went the distance internally).

    An SP has no power himself. An SP dictator is brought down by:



  124. Thanks so much for sharing your story Joy. You are as smart, talented and caring as you are beautiful.

    You reminded me of the earlier days when I first started…things were so theta then. A great feeling of community and a feeling that we really could help mankind as a team. Those were heady days for sure. The Miscavige Administration has changed all that.

    But, smart beings that we are, we have the ability to out-create his mess. We can make sure the Tech lives on and the sense of community in the Independent field is just as beautiful as the early days of the church. Thanks for adding your theta to it.

    And P.S. …hearing your song at Flag was always one of the highlights of my trips there.

  125. Joy, Beautiful story. Thank you for your integrity. Welcome!

  126. mark mckinstry

    Thanks.. I am looking forward to it as well.

  127. martyrathbun09

    All very rational sounding, but you paint an extremely inaccurate picture. “IF I WAS DM I WOULD LIKE EVERY PERSON IN THE CHURCH WHO HAD SPOTTED ME TO IMMEDIATELY DECLARE THEIR INDEPENDENCE AND LEAVE”. You are plain wrong. The actual numbers are probably 6 to 4 or 7 to 3 in favor of those who have “spotted him”. And those 6 or 7 who justify their continued false life are enabling him to continue with the crap we face day in and day out. HIGHLY COMMENDED TO JOY; THE BLOW YOU STRUCK TODAY IS STRONGER THAN ANYTHING THE JUSTIFYING, HIDING ONES COMBINED HAVE DONE IN WEEKS. I KNOW, I HAVE MORE LINES WORKING THAN MA BELL.

  128. Right Vic,

    We gotta bust poor Diana outa that supermax security prison that Int Base has become.

    If most of the Scientology public knew that the “COB” was in fact nothing but a prison warden locking down International Management as if they were prison inmates.

    And that the OSA has become nothing but his personal SS and Brown Shirts harassing and intimidating good people.

    I wonder how long they’d support his IAS war chest?

    Looking forward to what you have to say Vic.



  129. SaveTheTech

    Hi Cowboy poet,

    Communication at tone 20 seems to be natural to you. I love this part:

    And so take your politics,
    that’s an empty glass.
    I’ll deal with the devil,
    he’s got more class.

    Our own Indy Bard is right….

    Thanks so much,
    Love your work (although we all know it is play)

  130. Scott Campbell

    Great pull, Les.

    Absolutely accurate and applicable to the Independents.

  131. Hi Joy.

    It´s a real joy looking at you here in the hand of your husband.

    Do very well…

  132. Dylan Wycliff

    On the subject of enabling DM, this comes about through active participation in his off policy Scientology 2.0 schemes. Those literally buying into the program are simply agreeing and that’s inflow. Remember LRH said “I never agreed.”

    If you have unidentified subversives in the group that’s got to be a problem for DM and his KGB. The whole point of disconnection and covert SP declares (no doubt to avoid legal proceedings for libel or hate crimes) is to cut out the ones who disagree.

    Remember how it went in Vietnam. It’s really hard to fight an enemy who you can’t identify. You go into a village and the enemy isn’t wearing a uniform. They all look like villagers.

    There is an important role for all the disagreers. When they’re blown they’ll come out as Independents. But while they’re in they can do some good work. They’re not bunker busters like Joy (the value of which can’t be overestimated) but they are the resistance and there was an important role for them in winning the last World War.

    So James, you’re right but Marty, you’re right too and it all aligns with the Creed. And the Independent movement is big enough to tolerate a divergence of viewpoints and that in itself is Freedom.

  133. Joy

    Hi, and welcome.

    What a totally wonderful “declaration of Independence”

    I am left with a feeling of Immense love, intelligence, compassion, ARC, beauty, and pure Theta.

    That was the communication I got from what you said. I barely remember the details.

    You made my heart soar.

    Thank you for being the Being you are, and thank you for being here, and thank you for communicating.

    Eric S

  134. Marty,

    I don’t happen to feel there is one right way to go about it and I happen to think James made some valid points in his comment and basically in my opinion it is the same point Ron makes in WTH about supporting a government or not.

    Not everyone has the moxie to stand in front of a Tank and hopefully you’re not suggesting a Scientology version of Tiananmen Square.

    As far as I read it and you can correct me if I’m wrong you are making that cross between intelligence and PR Ron warned about in the PR series.

    In my opinion declaring one’s indepence is a purely overt and therefore a PR action.

    While someone refusing to continue to support the organization and getting others to do so by quietly giving their reasons for their lack of support is a covert action as in intelligence (not necessarily Covert Hostility) and as far as I am concerned both are effective.

    Come on Marty!

    I mean if Scientology was totally overt in the beginning and just openly thumbed its nose at the powers that be.


    Why do you think Ron wrote all those directives on intel and espionage?

    Have all GO Staff study “A Short Course on the Secret War” , “A Spy and His Masters”, “Art of War” and recommend that any operatives working under cover get familiar with the subject of espionage?

    As far as I see it there are two objectives and niether of them are opposed:

    1) Is to practice Scientology without interference from the Squirrel Group currently AKA “The Church of Scientology”.

    2) the other is to reform the Church and oust those SPs currently in control of it.

    I know you consider 2 a lost cause but you have to give those people who are trying to reform the Church from within props for at least trying to do that.

    My recommendation is that if everyone hasn’t done so to listen to the Lecture in The Spirit of Man Congress given on 6 June 1955 entitled “What Scientology is Doing”.

    Anyway James I just want to say thanks for what I been trying to say but could never get down in words.

    And Marty I hope we can agree to disagree on this point.

  135. martyrathbun09

    DM is counting on guys keeping their heads down; and your hearty defense I am sure will make them feel more sanguine to remain timid.

  136. martyrathbun09

    Problem is Wycliff – these characters bestowing the virtues of anonymity and “intelligence” are doing nothing of the sort. I hear from many that are in fact producing something of value – and they are not promoting anyone follow their lead. Quite the contrary, they are actively making it safer for others to stand up. If the majority want to plan “intel” games then you will become what you resist.

  137. martyrathbun09

    If Diana wanted out she’d get off her butt and walk out. Stop misdirecting people please.

  138. question with boldness


    Thank you for your personal story. I was at Flag in 1993 when you were singing the Flag song at Graduation every week. It was incredibly inspiring! I was in the OT VI course room when Michael had to leave for your babymaking and we were all postulating for you big time! That was an awesome summer, hard work but lots of fun.

    You are very courageous to come out on the Blog and I appreciate it! Thanks for making the path easier for those that might start to look for truth.

  139. Thanks Marty,

    I never considered myself to be the “timid” type 😉

    And the reason I like to keep my head down is so it won’t be shot off when bullets are flying.

    Also that sanguineness and sagacity that Miscavige and his “friends” might be feeling could be a false sense of security on their part 🙂

    Look what happened to his “friend” Jan Meyer Eastgate.

  140. +1000000000000000000000

  141. martyrathbun09

    If you weren’t timid you’d make a statement and post your name with you untimid sounding posts. MODERATORS: PLEASE NOTE THIS DIVERSION SIDE THREAD IS OVER.

  142. Tony DePhillips

    It would be interesting to hear from the ones doing “intel” work, what they actually are doing. They could email you through back channels if security was a concern. My guess is that a lot of it is all talk and little action. I am willing to be wrong. If you are doing things in an Org I urge you to let Marty know and see if you can change his mind on the worth of those actions.

  143. martyrathbun09

    You get it Tony.

  144. Tony DePhillips

    We already HAD this argument with you and you lost.
    Ingrid has courage. She does what you do, but has the guts to say it out loud and stand up and be counted.
    The more you persist in this the more you take on the color of the enemy.

  145. Robin Adair


    Already been there done that but if it makes you feel better.

    I’m posting this comment under my real name.

  146. Rafael Sanchez Nuñez

    imagine, ho joy so beutiful

  147. It depends what one considers “valuable” based on a multiple viewpoint system meaning differing points of view, actual statistics and VFPs that contribute to the overall purpose doesn’t it Tony?

    Anyway Joy once again thankyou for posting this on Marty’s blog.

    I loved your rendition of “Imagine” and new song “Burning Flame”.

  148. Dear Joy,
    Thank you for sharing your story. The song for your dad truly touched my heart. You are an incredible singer. One can see your Theta shining through by the way you write and sing. 🙂
    Your COURAGE to speak out is highly admired!!! 🙂
    ML, Lori

  149. Agreed, Marty. Anybody who really wants to can get out of that place. Each person there has a reason for staying there. True, the reason may be illogical, but once DM’s op basis ceases to cause one to create the reason, the person finds a way out.

  150. Tony-Thank you for your validation. I am very fortunate in that I have a team, otherwise it would’ve taken more courage. Actually, this lifetime I have stood up alot for what I believed in and have been shot at a lot. Maybe, I’m getting a break this time.
    Or more like it -I’m not alone this time. Thanks Marty and Mike and Steve and some others who are getting shot at this time.

  151. Cowboy Poet

    You’re a bright star. Maybe one of those who has guided navigators through the centuries…
    “Look” on the Know to Mystery Scale aligns with 20.0 on the Tone Scale. While I would love “to move on up” as Marty says, and occasionally do because I can’t resist those lofty heights, the job at hand right now is to get others to LOOK.
    That’s the mission and it’s a critical mass issue.
    Rest assurred, in my own way as all of us here are doing, I will use my mind, my spirit, and my ability, and beam my way through those steel clad doors if that’s what it takes.
    We live in historic times.
    My best to you,

  152. I said this about a mile above, what a smoking hot thread.
    Like to repeat it, seems flammable…
    On someone stating “busting Diana [Hubbard] out” of DMs concentration camp or gastapo:

    PBS had a documentrie this weekend The Valkyrie Legacy, it mentions something not mentioned in the movie, one of the conspirators asked, “if the war is nearly over why bother to kill Hitler?” Six weeks after the failed plot allies succeeded Hitler dead. I wondered; under simular circumstances with DMs Nazi regime over. Diana would feel Liberated…With plenty of notes and things to say… proudly.

    Unfortunatly this isn’t true for a good number of others, someone like Tom Pooes …knowing better the similarities then stupid, or certainly will in its aftermath …may have that look, for the rest of his shameful life; big-fucking-asshole-I-am! All of THEM dismissed.

  153. Doc "Smith"

    Thank you Joy, for a wonderful father’s day post. Although I lost some friends when I left I’m really happy I was never able to pull any family members in. You will see them again though as the evil one won’t prevail ( they never do, ever.)

    I loved you’re song for your dad who sounds like he was (is) a really great guy, as well as your Imagine.

  154. Thanks for your thoughts, Marty. And, thanks for your front line actions, setting an example of courage under fire.

    I got what you said and your feelings about those who are supporting DM. I understand and know what it is like to be on that end of such a firing line, as you are, daily.

    You are absolutely correct. DM has enablers, what we call “pillars of support” in the field of non-violent warfare.

    That situation – the hesitance of most people to come forward – is universal in every situation of SP dictatorship. If it wasn’t, there would not be a situation. People would all denounce the dictator, and it would be over.

    Students and the disenfranchised WILL come forward. Those who have families, own homes and businesses, those who are publicly “invested” in the dictator, etc. general don’t.

    You have put your finger precisely on that situation, the hesitance of the majority, an issue that has been faced by all non-violent war strategists.

    The universal question is, “What is the strat for reaching the pillars of support that are hesitant and getting them to cease their support of the dictator?”

    What one is trying to determine is “the entry point to the case.” The answer varies according to the situation. In some situations, such as Iran under the Shaw, the penalties for coming forward were so severe, that you just weren’t going to get people to overtly come forward. Burma was worse.

    So, the strategists figured out something the people COULD do. They passed around messages, “If you are against the Shaw, at 6:00 p.m. go up on your roof and make noise.” Or, in Burma, “at 5:00 p.m. walk slowly.” These were gradient scale actions to enable people to start moving toward gentle cause. Those actions also let people know they were not the only ones. That boosts up their courage. The strats won.

    It is not always easy, and people die in the process, fewer with the better strats.

    Again, my admiration for your courage and tenacity.


  155. I want to bring up Ron-Standing up is the least I can do. Ron truly showed courage on a level that I feel few can even comprehend. He had whole countries after him. He even had people in his own group after him,such as David Mayo. Then ,with what most people would consider a full time activity -to stand up to this onslaught, he develops a technology that is VAST and miraculous and if anyone on this planet could even come up with a small fraction of what he came up with would get global standing ovations .
    He stood up and disagreed with all the insanity and case that is so thoroughly agreed upon on this planet to HELP. It is amazing he lived as long as he did.
    I can’t even count the people I have used this Tech on in the last 40 years who have come out and said’ This has saved my life”
    It is our future that we are protecting and ensuring. The faster we do it , the better.To stand up is the least any of us can do.

  156. That was amazing! I love you!! Up there with the top of the resiginations, Luis Garcia to name one. I have never read one that even came close to the Luis Garcia account. You have!

    That said, sorry. How does one congradulate one on doing such a good job of exposing such a travesty? Ideal Org? How about Ideal Building?! But really, it is so F’cked up. It has to be exposed! Sorry for your losses and your disconnections, but you know Scientologists are waking up by the bussloads! And they need too! Hopefully, and I would imagine, your family members are just around the bend.

    I am shocked that I agree with you. I was such a “koolaid drinker” when I was in.

    But is was fun when I got in! It was different. It got really ugly and I left, a long time ago. I thought about going back, but no way, no freeking way! It was getting ugly when I left and now it is artocious! It is just so sad.

    Thanks Joy

  157. I have to second this, Tony.

    From the first-hand accounts I have been reading, it seems unlikely one can do anything effective as a “mole” within the CoS, because one cannot communicate with anyone inside without being caught and “executed” if one does not recant and toe the line. As a “mole” one is simply toeing the line without having to be ground down by the mill of the pseudoethics compliance organization the CoS operates on those who are “CI” to Miscabitch.

    Is pretending to bow down to Command Intention really that different than actually bowing down to it?

    It seems to me that Tiananmen Square has already happened, and basically happens on a daily basis. The Int Base, the RPF and RPF’s RPF, the SRAs, they are already Tiananmen Square and they are GULAGs. How can standing up make it any worse?

    How many people could be put into RPFs? There is a ‘tipping point’. Back in the1970s the military draft was suspended because of the large number of people standing up and saying “Hell NO, we WON’T go!” Yes, there were people jailed for refusing to be drafted. But what good would being “against the draft and the war but I’m staying under the radar about it and letting myself get drafted” have done? It’s activism that makes the difference.

    Now if all the people in the CoS with doubts and observations of out-tech stood up and announced THAT(having doubts, seeing outpoints etc) NOW, at the same time, AND said “We’re not resigning from the CoS, it’s our church!” that would have an effect. The activists of the 1960s and 1970s didn’t “resign” from the society they were trying to effect change in. In fact the “establishment” counter-intention towards them was to make them “drop out” and stop being effective activists. They were encouraged to quietly start a “counter-culture”and stop rocking the boat and bothering the “powers that be”.

    If Marty took this blog down and “evaporated into the society”, I think DM would expend less effort on him. It’s publicly standing up, speaking up, and being counted that creates the effect. Reality is agreement. To change reality, create new agreements, and one can only do this by communicating. Withdraw your agreement from those things you disagree with.

    So, there is an alternative to resigning from the CoS, but it’s a tough one. It’s to remain in the CoS but openly take a stand for reform. If a lot of people did that simultaneously, that would create an effect.

    But simply staying under the radar, unless one is actually actively gathering and forwarding valuable “intel”, is likely to be little more than “procrasturbation”. And not likely to create any effect on the organization.

    I can understand that many people have “ties that bind”, and those can be hard to face the loss of, but most of the time it’s probably better to “take the disconnection bull by the horns” and let the chips fall where they may.

    Because anyone leading a double life is “out in the cold” anyway, as anyone who has worked as a spy can tell you. And simply suppressing oneself. It’s like staying in an abusive marriage “for the children”. What does that really accomplish? The only reason I can see for staying under the radar is to plan a successful escape.

    But aim, aim, aim, doesnt accomplish anything until one pulls the trigger. So far, has anyone under the radar contributed, for example, video of DM’s violence? Or of anyone at Flag giving an SRA? Or a video or audio of anything incriminating at all?

    It appears not. Marty, Mike et al and others who have stood up have had to be the lightening rods to draw out the psycho behavior of the CoS out into public view. Otherwise DM’s juggernaut would just be merrily rolling along, business as usual.

    It’s the people who are willing to be shot, who make the difference. And if they are willing enough, it appears that when they are shot at, the bullets pass right through them without harm, just as LRH suggested in Dianetics 55!

  158. *** Hello dear Joy, ***

    lot of times I’ve heard the Flag’s anthem “Flag Is Here” and asked myself, who is this angel singing?
    Now I know. 🙂

    You are so talented and you have a heart of gold.

    Thank you so much for your beautiful, inspiring, well written declaration.
    You are a true communicator.

    May joy, happiness, true friendship, love, freedom, sagacity accompany your future life.

  159. RJ, you posted above:

    “I mean if Scientology was totally overt in the beginning and just openly thumbed its nose at the powers that be.


    My view is that Ron threw down the gauntlet right in the beginning, in DMSMH, when he attacked the established medical system.

    Everything else followed from that, and in fact WE WERE WIPED OUT LONG AGO.

    We WERE Scientology, we WERE the Field Offices, the Missions, the Orgs, the CoS, the Sea Org. We were wiped out from 1982’s “Mission Massacre” on, we just didn’t realize it.

    Today, 30 years later, Scientology’s reputation is in the shitcan worldwide, LRH’s name is mud worldwide, DM has turned the CoS into a giant oppressive implant station/money-vacuum scam under the false flag of “help” – how much more “wiped out” can “we” be?

  160. CP, Five Stars! Your best one yet!

  161. I think Diana is there by her own choice, to be a direct, inside, “fair witness” to the history and fate of the CoS. I think it has something to do with her loyalty to her father.

  162. Tony,
    Every time someone talks about ‘coming out’, RJ pipes up quoting some secret LRH references about the GO and starts ranting about covert ops or trying to paint LRH as someone who lived out his final days as a coward. That’s when he isn’t attacking Indies (like Roberto) who care enough to have the audacity to ask people to stop being afraid.
    He also likes to tell everyone that DM or OSA would love everyone to ‘come out’ in order to discourage people from speaking up.
    His agenda is clear.
    He hasn’t taken on the colour of the enemy. He is the enemy.
    I know MANY ‘radar flyers’ and not one of them actively PROMOTES cowardice the way RJ does. In fact he makes other ‘radar flyers’ look like cowards who are trying to dodge bullets, which they are not – many of them have genuine PTS situations involving family members that they need to handle before they can secure their own freedom (as I am sure was the case with Michael and Joy).
    And yes. He has already lost the argument – the last time he did he got in a huff and told us he was leaving. I guess the opportunity to invalidate Joy’s beautiful message was too tempting to resist his climbing back out of his hole.

  163. Tony
    I wrote a reply to this but posted it in the wrong place. See bottom of blog.


  164. I must agree, Marty. What are the hypothetical “unidentified subversives” actually doing that is actually “subversive”? Have any of them actually sabotaged anything of DM’s? Subversive implies covert activity against. Someone actually must be DOING some subversive things to DM’s regime, to be considered a bonafide “subversive”. What has anyone subverted lately?

    With the inexpensive microelectronic surveillance toys that are available today, it would not be difficult to at least audio record SRAs being dealt out, or the outrageous and cynical IAS reging spiels some of us have heard in the past. Even covert video isn’t that hard to do, with available digital video pinhole cameras. Opportunities to record reges in action abound.

    But in 2 years, I have yet to see some “under the radar” “subversive” under the radar DeepFax type actually take and leak these kind of recordings.

    So I have to ask, “Where’s the Beef?”

  165. I am sure Diethelm Alisch could write thick books on that subject. And I would wonder if Mike doesn´t know about those cycles. ML Freddy

  166. martyrathbun09

    I don’t countenance subversion. We are operating an Underground Railroad – just like the original.

  167. martyrathbun09

    Thanks Robin. But name or no name, posts consistently below 2.0 on the tone scale are gonna vaporize here.

  168. martyrathbun09

    Thanks for translating and posting Gary.

  169. Congrats. Really beautifully written and I could really sense what a great man your dad was by the way you spoke of him.

    Reading your post, notably the portion about your sister, I couldn’t help think if you were a practicing Catholic and decided to become Methodist or Unitarian would there be such a violent and destructive reaction?

    Your sister is sadly brainwashed, losing her own self determinism and never fully duplicating the Factors or Axioms.

    I hope she comes out of it and your family is reunited!

    I really enjoyed reading your post.

    Have a great day

  170. martyrathbun09

    Could be said of most KA drinkers: “losing her own self determinism and never fully duplicating the Factors or Axioms.”

  171. James,
    You bring a new viewpoint to the mix. Another being, naturally, assuming their hat and adding to the Association of Terminals, lightly/loosely organized, with an eye on the mountain that is the Independent Scientology phenomenon.

    Thank you for being there and communicating.

    Way back up this thread mention was made of Diana and her ‘escape’. The fact is as stated; she is there by decision.

    Those who stay at the Int Base, supporting DM as the vicious, likely unredeemable for some time, NCG Suppressive Prick that he is, are at this juncture broken beings and party to the Suppressive Acts committed daily by DM’s squirrel group.

    In 1951 the onus shifted from the motivator flow of DMSMH and ‘what’s been done to you’ to the truth of the matter:

    “by the time I had brought out a book called Advanced Procedures and Axioms, I had discovered that postulates were the basic, and that they were senior to all mechanical manifestations. And if postulates were the basic, then of course there was only one person who was responsible for his own condition, and that was the individual making the postulates.” Lecture 6 Apr 54, 5thACC, UNIVERSES.

    Those who support this Suppressive are weak, failing, ill and many have become degraded and wallow in that sticky mud. But, it must be true too that they can change that condition and step out of that mud.

    Their future, their ‘eternity’ IS at stake, but not they way they may figure. It is in their hands to recover their integrity and with that the only truth that they will ever find – themselves.

    That’s Joy, Michael, Rocio, Luis, and the host of those who have spoken clearly and distinctly as examples of the Code of Honor and the real Road to Truth.

  172. RJ or Robin Adair and I often disagree. He’s bitch slapped me a time or two.

    BUT – I’ve known that RJ is Robin Adair for many many months. He never wrote his independent story , just signed a few posts as Robin Adair.

    In any case — I continue to be under the radar and while that is not what this community by and large feels is THE best way, I will continue to be under the radar.

    I’ve said many times — I am a buddhist. Not a scientologist. I have family still very connected through their extended families and therefore will not PRESUME that I know how things would shake out for them. I have no friends who are active IN dms

    I’ve understood from Marty and others that my voice — although behind a pseudonym is accepted here. I believe that is true.

    Same goes to RJ and others. What isn’t appreciated is a voice that causes upsets to linger or go off target. Completely understandable.

    Hopefully Robin will look to his own “stuff” and see perhaps that he’s got what I call
    “Rock logic” going on — rather than “Water logic”

    LRH called it multi-faceted logic or something of that nature.

    It’s a beautiful day here and hope it’s the same for all of you.


  173. James,
    I’m impressed that you have thought this out so far as to having a program on coming out. I liked #6. “Now that I have gotten the most mileage out of my comm lines and done the most to erode DM’s internal support, I can make my independent announcement, (pointing out that I went the distance internally).”

    I look forward to your announcement and your story. It sounds like you will have quite the story to tell. ml, Laura

  174. Running the gaunlet… that was my exact thought when the FEBC’s were recruited to sell new release material at events. And if you didn’t, you got reported on. Since when did it become OUT-ethics to not sell Scn/Dianetics materials after events? And why should I feel guilty about not?

    This crap went on for way to long. I can only imagine how bad it is now. I have heard the stories. Sad and pathetic.

  175. Joy, boy is your name appropriate. Michael is a very lucky man to have you in his life.

    Thank you for your story! As many others have said, you really did rehab some wins and purpose from my perspective. Being in L.A., you are at Ground Zero for the fall-out that is yet to come. But something tells me you’ll be just fine… not to mention cheering on the exodus that is yett to come!

    Take care of each other and keep your TRs in!
    …and keep smilin’!

  176. Oh Joy! What a beautiful announcement. I wanted to read all of your post before replying – what a story, and what a post!

    As “Mamma,” the Italian proprietor of one of my favorite Pizza places, said to us one time “Family is the WORST.” You love them, but they can screw you in ways only a family member can. I can only hope that your sister and mother figure it out.

    This skewer that Mr. David Miscavige thrusts into the Family, into the second dynamic is unconscionable.

    Your description of the true spirit of compassion and of caring is, truly, the true spirit of Scientology.

    My God what a wonderful voice you have! Both when you sing and when you write. Thanks for being there and communicating.

  177. Another warrior princess dakini (see earlier post for definition of dakini)


  178. George White

    Thank you for sharing your story. It is filled with your compassion for humanity.
    I can now understand, through your examples, why there is such lack of compassion
    in the Church of Miscavigeolgy.

    Here is a quotation from Buddhagossa, the great Buddhist Scholar:

    “Compassion is characterized as promoting the aspect of allaying suffering. It is manifested as non-cruelty. It succeeds when it makes cruelty subside”

    Much loving-kindness,
    George White

  179. Hi Jim,
    Sure looking forward to meeting you in person soon.

    LRH has always said that what it takes is a totally overt dissemination line.

    Look at the progress we have made since Marty began his totally overt dissemination line. He is not only disseminating the truth about the abuses of miscavige and his cult, he’s also overtly disseminating the results from correct application of the tech.

    You, Ingrid, Trey, Anita and I, Karen and many others are also flowing on a totally overt dissemination line and getting the job done despite the ex-camera boy and his camera–hat goon squad’s efforts to stop us.

    When Anita and I withdrew support from dave’s cult we DID the doubt formula including step 6, which states, “Join or remain in or befriend the one which progresses toward the greatest good for the greatest number of dynamics and announce the fact publicly to both sides.”

    Our public announcement was the most liberating aspect of blowing off the charge of the suppression.

    The camera-boy and his camera hatted minions have no guns, they have no bullets, they have no public support, they have no PR. Their only strength at this juncture is their ability to cut comm lines and keep the flock down at 1.1 or lower on the tone scale. Doing the doubt formula for real, in full, lifts the fear and the covertness from one’s universe and allows one to see the sunshine and breath fresh air.

    For those of you who cannot at this point break the ties that bind, perhaps you might do something brave, as has been suggested, and record reg interviews, record IAS reg-fests, record ethics interviews where you are being coverty asked to disconnect from your friends and loved ones, make copies of posts by Jo Jo and the other little SPs telling you to de-friend people for expressing thier personal religious views.

    Check out: http://www.brickhousesecurity.com/dp4802
    The Digital Voice Recorder Pen is ideal for Doctors, Executives, Lawyers, Professors, Private Investigators, and Students. This pen is a great addition to your briefcase. Use it to record meetings or take notes. You don’t have to sift through hundreds of notes any longer, just playback the desired file. Use the pen to record directions while on your cell phone or to help memorize client names and important dates. Stores an amazing 128 hours of audio on 2GB of memory.

    If you are “on lines,” just take your handy recorder pen everywhere you go.


  180. John Fennessey

    Young lady, you do not pull any punches. Wow. You call it like you see it. And you see real good. Its taken a while to pull back this curtain. Some have tugged at it. But you ripped it right off the hooks. Damm.

  181. Agreed,
    For there to be such justification for people playing the “covert ops” game I would think we’d have tons of leaked docs, videos and audio recordings as evidence of all these great works.
    I’ve seen very few.
    People ‘under-the-radar’ out of fear and threat of financial or familial loss…ok…I get that. I don’t know how you can stand it, but I kinda get it.

    I think some people are fantasizing about being some sort of covert agent or something. Please get real people.
    Lives and real people are being harmed and damaged each and every day Miscavige stays in power. Please stand up and help put an end to it.

  182. So eloquently stated, Ingrid. Really wonderful. Definitely one to add to my collection of “best posts ever”. I have many times over the last 40 years shared your experience of having people I’ve helped with the tech say the same thing – “this has saved my life”.

    And you’re right, Ron’s courage – his create & confront too – were at a level I have never been able to comprehend.

    I had to comment on this even though it now appears as though those of us not yet ready to take the final step of “coming out” are receiving some perhaps well-deserved chastisement on the blog.

    I do see both Marty’s and RJ’s arguments on this coming out issue. IF those still under the radar are indeed taking effective actions aimed at undermining DM, that’s one thing. A good example would be whoever created the “Save Scientology” website. People like this are helping big-time and should be encouraged, IMO, regardless of whether their names are known.

    But I know for certain there are many under the radar who are simply not up to experiencing the impact that a public announcement will have on their career or relationships. As to these folks, regardless of how understandable, the inescapable conclusion is that at least an element of cowardice is involved in their decision to remain anonymous. And from what I’ve seen, few efforts are made to change the minds of those still drinking the Kool Aid. It’s more of a “keep your head down and your mouth shut”.

    But DM must know that there are hundreds, if not thousands, who WERE active but are active no longer. It’s got to drive him even more crazy than he already is. So these people do impact DM if only through non-participation, non-financial support.

    Still, confront and awareness can rise over time, which we have seen again and again on this blog, with additional people deciding to make that final leap week after
    week. Seems to me this is to be encouraged in as many ways as possible.

  183. V, I think you are absolutely right about 1982 being the point where the prior upward trajectory began to turn downwards. So many capable people were blown away at that time, many if not most never to return. The Mission Holder’s conference was the key event. If everyone there had just gotten up and walked out instead of allowing themselves to be dissed and berated by the Nazi group headed by DM, we might not be where we are today.

  184. Tony DePhillips

    Good points Sam.
    I’m sorry to say that I can’t argue with you on any of them.
    BUT… I am happy to say that we will see each other soon at the Indy party and have some good laughs!!

  185. Wow !!!! Reading every day here about anything is a real adventure about understanding life and Scientology and becoming more and more “cause over life” and understanding why church of miscavology was and is delivering “Effect of life”.
    “JOY YOU ARE AN ANGEL” and you’ll be expanding in those territories you always dreamt of. ALL YOUR STOPS (C.O.S) ARE GONE OR WILL BE GONE SOON !
    This is my experience. More I read more stops blow !!!!!!!
    Auditing through a blog. How funny !

    I love your creations !

  186. Claudio & Renata Lugli

    Dear Joy
    me & Renata read you Declaration and we were really, really happy to see you here with all of us. Yes indeed you kept clarity in you evaluation of the situation.
    I must say at the end of your post I felt a bit angry, it is really disgusting what is happening in relation to disconnection. Is deeply disgusting. We have a similar experience with our son Flavio at Flag, and is just using the tech in reverse, and justify its use BIG TIMES!
    The real reason and the real use of the right to disconnect is totally confused and mis applied – and I also must say, “power of choice”?????? Of what?????’ They do not even have the guts to get informed but even then if they do get informed because you push tghe data down their troath they DO NOT GET IT, because there is an hidden standard they use for evaluating those data, which is that YOU ARE WRONG before hand.
    Anyhow, sorry for this explosion, but……………………..
    As said we are really happy that you had the courage to stand up and be counted.
    So MISCAVIGE HERE YOU HAVE IT …. IN WRITING……. now mock up some of your usual BS to Dead AGent her!!!
    Claudio & Renata

  187. “Despite the arrogant valence of rightness most of them are stuck in, they are, in actuality, poor, duped victims, whose original intention was to dedicate their lives to helping their fellow man. By their own misguided trust and blind faith, they have allowed themselves to be manipulated so thoroughly, they can’t see that the Church they are fighting for is what is eating them alive. They are not helping mankind – they are sinking into unconsciousness; unaware of the criminally false statistics, abuses, mind control and theft that are being perpetrated on mankind. And so they are contributing to it, unknowingly.”

    A powerfully succienct statement of the current scene.

    It is sometimes difficult to see those we care about, blinded throught the above, rail against attempts to get them to do nothing more than simply look. A seemingly simple thing for a being to do becomes nearly impossible when he has accepted lies as truth and faith as evidence. The very building blocks of the bank.

    A truly amazing post Joy.

    Welcome to real Scientology.

  188. Rory Medford

    Obviously Joy is living and following the below datums:

    Ron says: Look, don’t listen.

    The price of freedom: Constant alertness and constant willingness to fight back.

    Personal integrity: What is true for you is what you have observed yourself
    And when you lose that you have lost everything… (Tech vol. VI, p. 23)

    Those of you who are in doubt and I the fence on whether to continue to support the Church of DM you should LOOK and Don’t listen. Your freedom is at stake

  189. Jim, thanks for your kind words. I agree with your statements about individual responsibility. And, Marty has correctly identified the problem.

    Within my experience in the field of “oppression removal,” whether in civil rights actions in the 1960s, or in later actions to take down the Iranian Regime, two key questions face non-violent war strategists:

    1. How to reach those who are propping up the oppressor?
    2. How to reach the silent?

    In “A Letter from a Birmingham Jail,” Dr. King addressed an aspect of this issue.

    Dr. King, Gandhi, Srdja Popovic (co-founder of Otpor, that brought down Milosevic in Yugoslavia), US Congressman James Lewis (chairman of SNCC), and others have successfully answered these questions.

    Gene Sharp, Robert Helvey, Roger S. Powers and others have done write ups and books regarding the above warriors’ successful actions. Freedom House and others disseminate the successful actions.

    We are not alone.

    Marty, Mike, Mosey and company continue a great movement, carrying forward the torch of freedom.


  190. I’d like to throw in a personal observation here.


    I do not see that Mike and Marty, and many others who have stood up to be counted for what they believe in, are being the EFFECT of DMs attacks on them.

    They are being the CAUSE of those attacks. That puts them squarely in control of the situation.

    They are not “waiting to see what DM is going to do” before they act. That is Q and A, by definition. They are doing whatever they choose to do, and then they handle DM’s aberrated responses to that action. That is more akin to AUDITING the situation.

    They are actively denying and not recognizing David Miscavige’s “right of intervention” between themselves and any part of their Dynamics.

    That is CAUSE.

    A being is “AT EFFECT” to the degree he has assigned CAUSE to anything or anybody other than himself. Or, to put it into a question format, “are you NEEDING someone’s or something’s permission before you can BE or DO something? To that degree you are the EFFECT of them. You have put THEM in control of that aspect of your Dynamics.

    So, in this whole issue of “coming out, or not coming out”, (or life itself really), my personal recommendation is this:

    Whatever you do, or however you do it, seek to be more CAUSE across your Dynamics.

    Eric S

    I personally believe that that is the only thing that ever FREES anyone from anything.

  191. ottocscotto

    Well done, Joy.

  192. Sam,
    Sometime in 1994 while in SO uniform I talked to a homeless man outside the HGB. He said I was the FIRST person in such uniform to talk to him. Isn’t it callous
    to disregard people just because they are out of luck and sit on the sidewalk!
    Greta P.S.: I bought his typewriter and still got it.

  193. “coming out, or not coming out”

    “to be or not to be”

  194. Just and FYI from a new poster:

    For every Scientologist who “openly resigns” there are legion who do so more quietly.

    It may not appear to have the same impact at first glance but the actual, true impact is of similar magnitude. Each of these individuals is now, no longer a source of good PR or material – a huge loss that is hard to replace.

    I am a class V auditor, co-audited through grade IV and have done just about every course offered – pre GAT. I am also a doctor of more than 20 years and have treated 100’s of scientologists, staff and SO in the Los Angeles area, since the early 90’s.

    Over the last year I have had seven patients (2 ex-SO, 2 ex-staff and 3 public) openly declare to me, in confidence, that they are no longer on-lines and will never go back to the church. Four of these people have since been declared. I too will no longer contribute or support the church.

    There are many reasons for the above, but that isn’t the point of this note. I, personally win daily applying scientology and I communicate with my patients daily about it: pts/sp tech; exchange; ethics and responsibility; the 8 dynamics and keeping them in equilibrium; the purif.; repair of past ethics; the anatomy of a problem and more.

    The seven people who spoke with me, and myself, are not anti-LRH, we love scientology. We are though, anti-new-Church-of-Miscavige. If seven, in LA, in one year, came-out, to just me; then how many, in total, have actually left? I truly feel in my heart that the tipping-point is near and the real truth will be revealed. I hope that Scientology will survive when the Church of Miscavige crumbles.

    LA Doc

  195. “or in later actions to take down the Iranian Regime”

    Thanks a lot now we have to remove the regime that came after.


  196. I get that Marty, and I’m not arguing for us to do anything overtly destructive.

    But making audio/video recordings of what actually goes on inside I would also classify as ‘subversive’. I’m talking about people who are still ‘in’ but counting themselves on our side. What’s their product?

  197. Kim O'Brien

    i saw this on huffington post – the comments were very very interesting . thought you might want to see it before it goes “poof”


  198. LDW, here’s a similar goody – it’s a pen which is also a Digital Video Recorder:


    It’s only $22.00 from Geeks.com, and right now they have free shipping on this item.

  199. Namaste 🙂

  200. Please also let me add the definition of ‘subversion’ I am using:

    Definition of SUBVERSION
    : the act of subverting : the state of being subverted; especially : a systematic attempt to overthrow or undermine a government or political system by persons working secretly from within.

    This is what we are all looking for, secretly from within or openly from within or without – to systematically undermine Dm’s regime by exposing it’s corrupt destructiveness.

    Only those still ‘in’ under the radar can properly be called ‘subversive’, if they actively do something to undermine DM’s regime.

  201. Joy Graysen

    I don’t really know where to begin to acknowlege and validate each one of you for the avalanche of affinity, reality and communication you have flowed back to me… I am extremely fulfilled that I was able to share my truth with so many and have it be received the way it was intended.

    It is a testament to your power and consciousness that you have remained pure and awake and alive through all of this suppression.

    You have renewed my faith in people everywhere. It is very easy to feel alone in your viewpoints. Even when you don’t let your perceptions invalidate you for being one of few, it is easy to become bitter and sad. You have proven to me that true theta always buoys back up to the surface. We remain pure. I love you all for re-affirming that for me.

    Now I must address this subject that has become, in my opinion, the correct trajectory for this post. This subject of ‘staying under the radar’ is obviously one that I have just emerged from so I thought you would be interested in my viewpoint on it.

    As many of you have commented, I do operate from compassion and understanding and granting of beingness and all that good stuff. I typically allow people to do things on their own time, when they feel ready, etc. I try not to evaluate what is right for another as I don’t truly know all of their exact circumstances so I don’t feel equipped to judge.

    As I have been following this thread, I have noticed Marty has taken what might appear as a ‘hard line’ stance on this. To some it may seem harsh or evaluative or intolerant of people’s personal circumstances, but in my opinion, Marty is right.

    There is, right now, a shift in the paradigm. I feel it you – probably do too. Granting of beingness and compassion are wonderful but in certain circumstances, they are Q & A. This is becoming one of those circumstances; more and more everyday.

    If we were all on a ship sailing through calmer waters, it might be ok to hang out on deck and enjoy the breeze. But if a storm were brewing it would no longer be acceptable to just stand there and let others ‘batten down the hatches’.

    Nobody understands the desire to live a peaceful existence, believe what I believe and maintain the status quo, more than I do. I wrestled with this, as we all have.

    Between January, when Michael came out, and now, however, I did whatever I could think of to utilize my comm lines that were still intact, to put the truth out wherever I could. I posted many times on Facebook to a Scn group I created. I said as much as I could get away with without totally going out reality on them. I told as many people as I could, on whatever gradient was necessary, in order to do as much damage to DM’s reputation as I could while I still had their ear.

    I was not afraid to be known as subversive once Michael’s episode occured. I did not hesitate to have a scathing, (though ‘in-TRs”,) 20 minute conversation on the phone with Tommy Davis, chewing him out for everything I could think to say to him.

    I did not hesitate to personally call the DSA at CCI and threathen her that I was absolutely going to the media with the fact that she had been calling my friends and clients warning them to stay away from me.

    I did not hesitate to do exactly the same thing to the receptionist at IJC when he told me my comm to IJC “had to be in writing”! I told him, BELIEVE ME – it will be!! To every media outlet I can get on, etc.

    Hell, when Marty and Mike came into town and we were at a restaurant, I stood at the “squirrel busters” table filming them with my iphone while they were filming our table not 4 feet away. I then went and got the manager of the restaurant to try and have them thrown out. Etc, etc, etc.

    I am not telling you this for a pat on the back, I am telling you this because, even with all I tried to do, I was still operating from a 1st – 3rd dynamic viewpoint. I was concerned about the personal ramifications my ‘coming out’ would have. How would MY life change once I came out. What would happen to ME.

    Obviously, this is a tremendous concern but I now realize that whether we want it or like it, or not, we are a GROUP. We are operating for the survival of the 3rd – 8th dynamics. That is the bigger picture when you pull back the camera.

    Like a school of fish swim as one to create the perception of one very big fish, so must we view our situation, and begin to operate as one.

    Another point here is that I believe the “Kool-aid Drinkers” are in an ethics condition of Confusion. They have absolutetly NO idea where they are. They think they are on the yellowbrick road, marching to Oz when in fact they are on “the bridge to nowhere”. They are heading for the abyss and haven’t a clue.

    We on the other hand are moving up the conditions but what I observe is that many of us don’t realize that if you don’t announce publically which side you are on, you technically remain in Doubt… Food for thought. Not to mention, there is a PTSness in being actively connected to suppression. Period.

    So we are fighting the good fight. We are not just fighting for ourselves, we are fighting for freedom for all, across the boards. If we are aware of a crime and not actively doing something about it we are accomplices to that crime. A heavy reality but a true one.
    As far as I am concerned, this is war and Marty is our glorious General. He has taken it upon himself to take resposibility for all of us. I know there are other amazing warriors out there doing similar things but to me, Marty is the one at the appex – forging forward to beat this enemy. We follow him not because we have to but because we chose to.

    The wind has shifted and he knows it. HE is on the front line. We need to respect his perceptions and instincts and follow his lead if we believe he is the appointed leader of this movement.

    Consider your status and move towards preparing to join the overt battle of Good vs Evil, Truth vs Lies, Freedom vs Enslavement, LRH vs David Miscavige.

    Thank you Marty.

  202. “But DM must know that there are hundreds, if not thousands, who WERE active but are active no longer.”

    Try hundreds of thousands.

    And there are 1500 of you that have not only quit, but have publicly spoken out against the abused of the Cult of Miscavige.

  203. It was a little WWP project

  204. Joy Graysen


  205. Wow! – DM, Mike R., Marty, Heber, Marc Yager, and a few others. Jeff Pomerantz at the Crusade in LA. (I have buttons and T shirts from that era). Good times!

    I am glad this got leaked. This looks to be circa 1991 or ’92.

  206. Perfectly summed up and graciously articulated Joy.

  207. Allready Bad times for Staff Sea Org etc actually

  208. Your wife is beautiful and a wonderful artist. It is very nice to come here to Marty’s BLOG and read what former Scientologists like myself have to say to one another and share. Always wonderful theta communication.

    Very much unlike my time and experiences at the FLAP Land Base of the Church of D. Miss Cabbage®.

    It is a sad thing Michael, and my recall is good in these matters, that it is almost impossible for me to remember one good thing most of those church members ever said to me that was well meaning.

    My congratulations to you and your wife on your new found freedom.



  209. Yvonne Schick

    WOW!! You have leaped right up to the rank of at least Major in the army of independents. You so eloquently found the words to express exactly what is occurring at this point in our movement. This almost needs to be a post of its own. If this doesn’t bring more announcements nothing will.

    Thank you once again. Please let me call you “friend”.

  210. Mark Fisher’s comment

    “From our comments, this account of the video from former Miscavige assistant, Mark Fisher:

    I remember that it was done for one of the events and I think it was IAS anniversary event that was going to be in October. It may have been for an earlier event. It was done to show all the “Wins” and “successes for the year and the song was sung by a Scientologist singer named David Pomeranz. Charles Lake is the Gymnast and had just been on the Olympic team that summer that is why I think it was for the IAS event in October. I remember that the idea was to have all of International Management sing the chorus ala We are the World and DM thought the Scientology public would get a big kick out of it. All of the RTC Inspector Generals were in the front with DM and his wife Shelly and the Executive Director International Guillaume Leserve was there too. Then behind was the rest of RTC and the Watchdog Committee. I recognize many faces in the crowd. We recorded it in the Music Studio at the Gold Base and we are all looking at Peter Schless who is conducting the singing. Schless was a Gold Musician and his prior claim to fame was co writing the Jefferey Osbourne hit song “On the Wings of Love” from the 1980s. Me personally, I had just been put back working for David Miscavige again after a stint of manual labor for disagreeing with my wife being sent to the RPF. I however shortly after this video blew the base for good after 2 attempts. Almost 21 years ago.”

  211. Aye there’s the rub…
    To be, or not to be: that is the question:
    Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
    The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
    Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
    And by opposing end them.
    – William Shakespeare 😉

  212. Off topic, but Perez Hilton posted a swipe at David Miscavige today (6/20), and perhaps a little shout out in support to you, Marty!!!


  213. Oh yeah, this is really starting to get good.


  214. LOL – yeah. I felt that one! You did create a ripple in the force 😀

  215. It brought tears to my eyes. My sense of betrayal was thick enough to cut with a butter knife. That bird has flown.

    Here is my eulogy to those times. And my solace is that We Come Back.

  216. The more people in Hollywood laugh at the littledevil the more it will not be okay to be assocïated with him.

    There is one thing DM loves more than money: Attention from celebrities

  217. Awesome post again, Joy! I needed that! Now it’s our turn to be The Deluge that can sweep DM away.

  218. Thank you Joy Graysen

  219. DM should be declared for that shirt alone. 😉

  220. Welcome LA Doc

    Thank you for your post. It is good to have you here.
    Thank you for being a safe terminal for those who have confided in you. It is these “first tentative reaches” that are very important to be handled with sanity and compassion.

    Eric S

  221. Tony Dephillips

    You are a warrior.

  222. YepTony, I think another Queenpin just came aboard.

  223. Great pic. Thanks. I never met Ingber, though I worked for him once (through another guy). The thing I remember most about him was his super cherry red Sunbeam Tiger. Awesome car. Obviously gotten with pre-SO money.

  224. Joy,

    This was such a well written (and easy to read) account of your life as a Scientologist. This line sent shivers up my spine:

    “That’s when we really started to feel that cold feeling creeping up the back of our necks…”

    I never really put that into words like you have here but certainly know EXACTLY what you mean. I really don’t know how the people who are still inside continue to support this and also sleep well at night.

    You have such integrity. It is so obvious what a beautiful person you are and what a good friend and family member. I love your passion. Thanks for telling your story.


  225. Joy,
    You are so welcome HERE, out in the sunshine!
    Oh, you can sing AND write, awesome! I love your style and am confident that you will use these talents to the hilt!
    Right you are that it IS a war and we are so fortunate that instead of bullets and tanks -with training – we have all the wonderful tools to handle the many different aspects of the skirmishes and battles APPROPRIATELY.

  226. Cowboy Poet

    Wow—you are so very good at your communication.
    Once again, thank you.

  227. I was at the first Mission Holder’s Conference at the Flag Land Base iin December 1981. We assigned the Sea Org a Condition of Confusion. This was a written document passed around and signed by many there. I was one of them. The Mission Holder’s Conference in San Francisco was held later, with the attendant abuses. Yes, they should have walked out. But I do not know if that would have stopped the confiscation of money and buiidings and staff. Look at what happened to Martin Samuels: He lost everything: money, staff, business, and later wife and kids. He sued and won, but even that did not replace what he had lost. By the time the Mission Holder’s Conferences were held, DM had has Nazi machine largely in place. i just don’t want this to be a wrong indication for those who were there. There was a lot of confusion going on, and the hidden datum was that DM had subverted the comm line to LRH. Nobody knew how much of what was going on was ordered by LRH. No one would believe that the Nazi-style dictator had completely subverted the lines. The confusion was part of the plan I am sure.

    In 1981 DM got rid of Mary Sue Hubbard and the GO. He got rid of LRH’s most trusted terminal, his wife, and the one that was probably his last line of defense. It was that action that enabled him to do what he did with the Mission Holders. There was no one to stop him.

    Just my two cents, all opionion, based on what I have learned from this blog and my own personal experience. My opinion is, that the San Francisco Mission Holder’s Conference was late on the chain, made possible by the earlier cabal.

    Catherine E. von Ach
    Austin Org Public and FSM since Sept 30, 1971
    Independent Scientologist

  228. Hi Cat Daddy,

    Sorry, I was not clear. I was not part of the actions to take down the Shaw. I should have written “the CURRENT Iranian Regime” (the pseudo-religious oligarchy currently in power).

    BTW, I love your posts – your insights and intelligence.


  229. LA Doc,
    Scientology survives to the degree it is learned and applied. You do that daily. Thank you for that and your shoulder to the wheel. You’ve got lots of friends.

  230. Tony DePhillips

    Yes. a cat with beautiful fur and long talons. Deadly.

  231. I loved every word you wrote…boy did it ring familiar!

    It’s strange when you first have that realization that you are operating in an out of valence way.

    Cash or Credit…ugh, I hated that! My apologies for inflicting this on the public!

    But that all changes when one honestly looks. Skip the self importance, prepare to be humbled…you just can’t make this shit up.

    But those first steps of freedom are SO incredible! Even when you are terrified the charge just blows off in sheets. And it gets better and better but you already know that!

    I am so happy that you got it! It really is all about ARC and caring and bringing theta into the universe. Welcome!! (in a new unit of time.)

    I hope this posts, first time with the new format and I missed the hatting session on how to log on.

  232. one of those who see

    Hi Greta,
    Knew it would be great to have your voice added to the Indie movement. Love this: “Right you are that it IS a war and we are so fortunate that instead of bullets and tanks -with training – we have all the wonderful tools to handle the many different aspects of the skirmishes and battles APPROPRIATELY.”

  233. duely noted and thank you for the compliment,

    Just behaving myself here 😉

  234. Thank you so much for sharing you story–a shared nightmare.

    Here is a quote from an unlikely source that helped me get a little perspective.

    “I have had with my friend Wes Jackson a number of useful conversations about the necessity of getting out of movements–even movements that have seemed necessasry and dear to us–when they have lapsed into self-righteousness and self-betrayal, as movements seem almost invariably to do. People in movements too readily learn to deny to others the rights and privileges they demand for themselves. They too easily become unable to mean their own language, as when a “peace movement” becomes violent.”

    “In Distrust of Movements,” Wendel Berry

    L, P

  235. “We assigned the Sea Org a Condition of Confusion.”

    This began to fester in 1978 did it not ?

  236. JOY,

    I can certainly see why so many want to stay under the radar and their choices are not mine to judge, so i will not. But as an independent I would like to put in my two cents worth and and say that as an independent I believe that the best way to thwart the evil dwarf is to flourish and prosper not only in life but spiritually. And in that vein I would encourage every indy to get on to their next action. In my case I have recently started OT VII AS AN INDEPENDENT. I commend Marty and Mike and all who are willing to confront the black panther. But I also see the extreem benefit of those who audit and forward the tech such as Marty and Ingrid.

    Forward the good fight.

    ARC to all ,


  237. It will be his downfall. David Miscavige the laughingstock of the internet since 2008

    And he did that to himself.

  238. Cindy Pinsonnault


    I didn’t get to read this until today and I’m filled with appreciation and admiration for you. Your story is beautifully and clearly written and you’ve given expression to many of my own feelings. Your integrity and your ability to hold a position are truly admirable.

    Every time someone writes the truth, it is another little dagger in DM’s plot to destroy. Many people saw the truth before I, and it’s because of their strength and willingness to communicate that made it possible for me to finally see and more importantly, to take action. And every announcement since has given me more strength and courage.

    Thank you for your sincerity, honesty, and obvious integrity.


  239. Sounds like you are really wronged. Okay mark mark someone an “SP”, a “heretic”, “infidel” or what ever (which incidentally I don’t agree with a single bit), but going out of his/their way to do all this blacklisting and what not is just dastardly!

    Why don’t you file a law suit for loss of income?
    And also as others have stated this is really a “hate crime”.
    Maybe you will get some compensation and to help expose some of this crazy stuff going on with the current regime.

  240. Is this mark Mckinstry that was married to Rene?

  241. I am sorry about your family. My buddies and I from high school got involved with Scientology when we were 19. I was on staff from 1997 to 2007. I saw everything. I went through hell and back. I was all in and I am sorry to say contributed to the blind allegiance.

    Oh, I was also the Public Exec Sec and can tell you that “cash or credit” was our patter. We drilled it with all the staff. I was actually pretty good at it. I was actually good at sales because the public knew me because I actually had ARC built up with them. Sorry to ramble.

    Anyways from high school there were 6 of us that joined staff. My wife who was the HCO ES is one of them. About 2 years ago a friend of ours from Scientology was declared suppressive. I was getting about 5 calls a day to come in and read her declare. The whole cycle was crazy. I was still on the fence but had enough with all the internal noise.

    I wish I could come out and tell all but that has to wait until later. So, I had plans with my wife’s friend for her birthday. She was the sister of my best friend who was the staffs only auditor and sister in law of the HES. My friends on staff were boyhood friends. We knew each others darkest secrets and could tell each other anything.

    Right before we were supposed to leave, the Auditor, brother of birthday girl called me and asked me what my connection was with this declared friend of my wifes and mine. I said I would not disconnect because she was the one of the only one’s of Scientologist that helped my family when I went through a traumatic experience with my oldest son. My son lost three of his fingers down to the first knuckle when he was two. I missed a week of staff to comfort my family for that and be there for my son. When I came in I was asked by my ED if it was really necessary to miss a week. Wow, really, I have been on staff for longer for anybody here except one other and I am being questioned about this. Plus not one staff member came over to my house that week. Friends of mine since before staff. Too busy I guess raising our debt to income ratio. Trust me, our scene was pathetic. We didn’t deliver crap. Any efforts to try was squashed by an all too important event.

    I really intended to only right a small comment.

    I told my friend “No, I will make new plans for tonight.”

    He replied “Alright man, I just can’t hang out with anyone connected to SP’s or have family members that do.” “You know how that could go?” “Please don’t have any connection my family.”

    Half his family are still my facebook friends and would probably be down to have a cold beer with me anytime and talk about the crap him and his wife are in.

    As for my other old friends he told them not to speak with me and lately only one still will tolerate a call from me. As of now I am still in good standing with the church. I wish I would of done some undercover stuff though to expose the crimes. Now it is too late but I can still dream.

    That is all I wanted to say for now. Plus, I hope you the best. Oh and things are actually really great right now. Life is so much easier and more rewarding.” Flourish and prosper” was such a misapplication on staff. It was more like “Do or Do ethics cycles”.

  242. Shoot, i meant to reread this before posting so if it does not make sense its because it does not make sense. Sorry.

  243. Pingback: Fairmans Disarm Scientology Disconnection | Moving On Up a Little Higher

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