Some dots are going to be connected here.

The following recent posts come into play and will have some light shed upon them:

Past Lives Survey

Between Lives Survey

Fear No Evil

Does It Get Any Darker Than This?

Perhaps the best way to put it all together is to recount a conversation.

In the early nineties I was virtually commuting between Washington D.C. and Los Angeles.  Between late 91 and late 93 I travelled to Washington on dozens of occasions as part of negotiations with the IRS for the church of Scientology’s tax exempt status.

I had not seen anyone from my mother’s side of the family since the early sixties shortly after my mother had committed suicide.   My mother’s sister, my aunt Carol, reached out to see me sometime during that 91-93 period.  As there was no such things as vacations or even days off in the church of Scientology at that time, I arranged to see her briefly during a flight layover at Chicago O’Hare airport.  We met in an airport lounge.

After exchanging pleasantries and expressions of love, I asked Carol, “my mom received electro shock treatment while I was in her womb, didn’t she?”    Carol’s jaw dropped, her face went pale and her eyes welled up.  After several seconds, she replied, “how did you find out?”

I told Carol that I had recalled the incident during Dianetics and Scientology auditing.  I told her that I was confirming this with her because my father had gone to such great lengths to forget the tragedy of my mother that it had been a tacit policy in the family to never discuss the matter.  She knew of the policy and told me that it was one of the reasons she had steered clear from our side of the family for all those years since coming to comfort me and my brothers after the suicide incident when I was five years old.  She encouraged me to continue.

After explaining Dianetics and Scientology procedure a bit, I asked her to confirm or deny my specific recollections.  I told her that I recalled that my father took my mother to a private mental hospital in the rolling, wooded hills north of our home in Mill Valley, California.  It was a beautiful, windy drive through redwood groves that lead toward a pleasant looking compound set upon a big meadowed hill.   I described my father’s car accurately in detail, even though the car had been sold shortly after my birth.

Carol was transfixed.   She said that every detail I described was completely accurate.   She asked me about the experience from my perspective.  I told her that I clearly recalled the jolts and the overwhelming pressures and pains.  At one point I felt like I was ejected from  the body and found myself viewing  the procedure from above the operating table.  I considered taking off and finding a new body.  However, I felt a tremendous amount of empathy for my mother and returned into the body with the intent to help her heal and to protect her.

I told her how we did heal and how despite my mother’s frequent psychotic behavior during the first five years of my life, she somehow managed to treat me with a great deal of love and care.  I described a number of incidents and landmarks from those years, all of which Carol confirmed the accuracy of.

Carol expressed sympathy and guilt about the effect all this might have had on me psychologically.  Although I hadn’t read Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search For Meaning by then, I described how I always considered the experience a positive in that I knew I had weathered something so violent and overwhelming and survived that there was really nothing I was in fear of confronting.   This was particularly true after I had run out the engrams (moments of pain and unconsciousness) associated with the matter.

A couple years later when my father was on his death bed, we had a similar discussion.  He, again, confirmed all the details of my recollection.  We both reached a meaningful closure of the experience.

All of the details reported in Scientology Inc.’s recently published materials on this subject are recorded in detail in one place and one place alone: my auditing (counseling) folders maintained at Scientology Inc. headquarters.   I have discussed the details with nobody beyond my father and aunt except my Scientology auditors (counselors) in minister-penitent privileged auditing sessions in the ‘church’ of Scientology.   Not once did any member of the church of Scientology ever write a report about these incidents.  Never were any of these details the subject of any ‘ethics’ action, nor were they ever mentioned outside of a minister-penitent privileged auditing session.   The matters were not even ever probed by anyone administering auditing. Instead,  every detail was freely offered by me, on my own originations during the process of auditing.

The tone and context of Scientology Inc.’s treatment of my early life experience seems to stand for the proposition that a being can be permanently damaged and Scientology is incapable or ineffective in remedying such trauma.

Apparently, David Miscavige wants the world to know that when you are down, you are gonna stay down, Dianetics and Scientology be damned.

I beg to differ.