An Independent Family – T Paine and the James gang

Haydn James with Mike Rinder at Times Square, 2009

Haydn James and I worked together during the darkest years of the early eighties.  We worked directly on All Clear for LRH.  Haydn was probably the most capable and efficient and dedicated staff member I worked with during those years. Accordingly, he was targeted by DM and busted. We never spoke again for twenty-four years. What he continued to accomplish in the Sea Org even under the blacklisting of DM is remarkable and is covered in his writing that follows. Fate would have it that we wound up a stone’s throw from one another in South Texas. We discovered one another and are now once again fighting the good fight shoulder to shoulder.  Haydn’s contribution to the third dynamic de-ptsing program has been integral. Writing as T Paine at for the past several months he has managed to accurately evaluate and clearly communicate how the Mechanisms of Misavige resulted in the hijacking of Scientology. The story of how he and his family remained intact, contributed to Scientology, declared independence and continued to contribute is a must read. It follows below.  We come back.

Haydn back in the day

To refer to myself as T. Paine is not entirely accurate because there is another key element to the persona of T Paine — that of my wife Lucy who contributed a stream of vital information, data and even Intel on David Miscavige and his practices.

Though neither of us had anything like the full picture, we found that between us we had enough to piece things together.

Whereas I began my Scientology staff-life in London org in 1975, Lucy started in one of the huge missions in Sacramento in 1976, witnessing firsthand the carnage as Miscavige laid it to waste. And so went a number of other big, booming missions at that time.

Shortly after my nine years in the Church’s legal department came to an end, around 1985 — when I was thrown out by Miscavige — Lucy was promoted to the CMO. And as I rose through the ranks again as the first CO Pac Base Crew and from there into the Landlord office (buildings), Lucy assumed an executive post at CMO Int and was often in direct earshot of Miscavige and on other lines to observe him as he carried out his campaign to destroy management which culminated in the international Scientology stat crash around June 1990.

And shortly after I had completed the RPF (assigned when I was the Flag Landlord under direct pressure from Miscavige) it was Lucy that had the courage to pull the plug in late 1990 when we were both at Int HQ and Miscavige became too crazy to bear. “We” became pregnant and, according to Miscavige’s strange dictates regarding families in the Sea Org, we had to be banished from the base to some far flung small and failing org as punishment for our “offense”.

At first we were sent to a Scientology church doing moderately well (Washington D.C.). But in a weird twist of fate Miscavige visited D.C. org with Marty Rathbun and Shelly Miscavige within a few days of Lucy and I arriving. Miscavige was furious to find us there and was abusive to Lucy though she was pregnant and he knew it. Clearly Washington D.C. was much too good for the likes of us and we were quickly shipped back to Los Angeles.

In Los Angeles, at upper middle management, we were then given a choice between the two poorest Scientology orgs in the world and after some time we were fired to one of them (Birmingham Org in England), with very little money and absolutely no possessions.

The Sea Org paid us very little in all the years we had served (a few dollars a week) but it did at least provided some form of room and board, even clothing (uniform). We landed in England with nothing, no possessions and no money. I think we were given a little over $1000 between us which is a pittance in the big wide world when you’ve been in the Sea Org for so long that you have no car, no home, no furniture, no household goods and few regular clothes.

The city of Birmingham was in the middle of one of the coldest winters in history when we landed and the state of the local Church of Scientology did nothing to warm us. It had only three demoralized staff, the premises it occupied was the upper floor of a huge warehouse located in the warehouse district of the town, an area devoid of people. It had no phone lines and no heat because it couldn’t pay its bills and the property was so big and costly it couldn’t pay its rent. It had around a quarter of a million dollars in debts and few public. We were supposed to handle it and “boom the org”. It would have been easier to begin from scratch; we were actually starting from way behind the line.

My pregnant wife Lucy, our 8 year old daughter Marika and I lived close to the poverty line. During that severe winter of 1991 we huddled in a top garret room (with little heating) in the small house we moved into, sharing it with the family that lived there. It was so cold indoors that it would be some months before we discovered the refrigerator we had been using was utterly broken and had been for years. But the food had remained perfectly preserved. We later dubbed the place “slug house” because when we came down in the morning there was always silver slug trails criss-crossing the living room carpet it was such a decrepit old place.

The next accommodation we moved into was dubbed “Rat Villa” for reasons that become obvious from the title.

It got so desperate almost a year later that I actually left Birmingham staff on a long leave of absence and started to work for a company owned and run by a Scientologist installing high tech industrial heating systems in Europe — the only time I wasn’t on Scientology staff in what was otherwise a continuous 31 year period. Lucy ran Birmingham Org in the meantime and I sent her money and we began to move away from the poverty line but orders from management for me to resume church staff started to rain down. After four short months I returned to work at the Church of Scientology in Birmingham. I now had a little money in the bank but it would not last long.

Effectively we were subsidizing our own involvement with Scientology and we still had not accumulated any real household goods other than things for the baby that had arrived (Katrina), who’s round, chubby, little smiling face kept us going. But as the father of the family I felt bad that I had dragged Marika to England to live in poverty and that Katrina had been born into it.

But Katrina and her feisty, hilarious older sister (Marika) kept us laughing all the way, our feet rooted firmly on the ground but our spirits raised.

Marika and Katrina - Birmingham days

All in all, those first few years in Birmingham, the condition of the org, the regular legal suits from the landlord due to $100,000 being owed in rent, our lack of money and necessary possessions, the fact we had two children to provide for were the most stressful of my life up to that point. But bit by bit we built the org. We managed to move it to better; smaller premises situated near the center of town (lots of people milling around) which we renovated ourselves and we began to be able to pay the org debts.

Lucy and I both trained in admin tech and I also trained as an auditor and C/S.

Fast forward another ten years of working hard seven days a week for modest wages and its late 2004. We have built the largest and best, most viable church the UK had ever seen. All org debts have been paid, even its future rent was paid for the best part of another decade because we bought out the lease of the previous occupants. There was a million dollars in Birmingham Org accounts. We had between fifty and sixty staff, 11000 square feet of space, smack dab in the center of the bustling town center. We had a jolly and thriving Scientology community (if you take out the IAS regging that has been picking up pace). We had kitchens on the premises with which we fed the staff; few people worked other jobs (moonlighting). We had Flag trained sups, auditors, a Class VI Senior C/S, a cramming officer. We had gone from being the worst org in the UK and probably the world, to the best in the UK and one of the best in the world – we received a regular bulletin called the “worst to best list” of all Scientology organizations around the world which listed all their actual main statistics and we were in the top ten percent on the planet.

I am not trying to say Lucy and I built this org alone, we had some fantastic staff working alongside us in Birmingham; engineers, authors, musicians and other incredibly able and talented people who had given up or put promising careers on hold to help.

And as the years passed we increasingly saw firsthand the “trickle down” effect of Miscavige’s destructive acts, policies and attitudes as they took root in Class V orgs. And sure enough, at the height of our success with Birmingham Miscavige reared his head again and ordered Lucy and I out of the org when he visited the UK for one of his IAS event holiday. I don’t know whether it was my counter intention to IAS regging (the IAS and I, on occasion had had  “words”) or Lucy and my resistance to the so-called Ideal Org strategy which we never implemented, or whether we were putting Miscavige’s pet London Org project in a bad light which we would likely continue to do. Only Miscavige knows the answer. But we were ordered out nevertheless. And many tears were shed by a great many people when the day came for us to leave.

So we finally returned to the fold in 2005 at church management in LA.

While we were doing the Veterans Return Pgm (in which Lucy and I both Method 9 word cleared the entire body of LRH management technology) we also worked part time on the Senior HCO files project, sorting out the international ethics and personnel files. Lucy got to see the international data files too. We were both (quite independently) left with an indelible impression that an enormous number of valuable staff and public had left Scientology or staff, been kicked out or declared in the years we had spent banished to the UK. The number was incredibly large and as a percentage was out of all proportion with staff and public numbers. We didn’t know why at the time, though in fact it was obvious, it was due to Miscavige’s sabotage and perversion of the justice systems.

And it was while we were working on the Senior HCO Files that I learned an interesting fact. I was approached out of the blue one day by an excited young girl who worked in Senior HCO. After confirming my name she told me that she had just completed a compilation all my post stats — she had managed to collect the stats for every post I had ever held in my thirty year staff career. I was impressed. But then she told me that she had checked the stats a number of times, and verified them. She concluded that I had been upstat on every post I had ever held. I was pleased to hear it but at the same time I had an uneasy feeling. If I had been upstat on every post, if I had that kind of record then I should have had ethics protection. Instead I had been royally busted out of Special Unit/OSA by Miscavige in 1985, assigned to the RPF under direct pressure from him in 1988, I had been thrown out of Int along with my wife due to his policy in 1990, and ejected from Washington D.C. by him. Finally I had been kicked out of Birmingham on his direct order in early 2005. Very interesting I thought. What was even more interesting was the fact that he did little of the dirty work himself. It was mostly done at arm’s length or at a distance. Unfortunately for me and my family, the trouble he caused us would not end there.

When we completed our Veterans Return Program, Lucy was posted as the Sea Org Programs Chief (over all the advanced orgs in the world) and I became the Deputy Commanding Officer of the management org (what used to be called the Flag Command Bureau).  And it was a very sad scene we witnessed too. We saw that management was destroyed or utterly negated, from the top down. We finally understood why most of the management units out in the continents did not function. Not one line of the entire LRH management tech Lucy and I had painstakingly word cleared was in use. Miscavige was clearly running the whole show (if you can describe it that way) via his RTC Reps. And it was a disaster.

It was also very clear that Miscavige micro-managed all the advanced orgs and FSO via his RTC Reps and that they were short circuited and stat pushed Advanced Tech Value of Services Delivered which was the RTC stat (very strange) and along with the so called Ideal Org strategy such actions were placing an unbelievable and inordinate strain on the upper OTs, a group Miscavige had effectively commandeered as his own and upon whom he would continue to bear down in a frantic and furious attempt to extricate himself from his self-created mess called International Scientology.

We tried to make the best of it and carry on, but things were coming to a head. Our daughter Katrina (now just 14 years old) became unhappy with life in the Sea Org in LA (it didn’t seem to be anything like my descriptions – and she was right). She broke the news to me early one morning, sitting on a bench by a bus stop on the outskirts of PAC (because of Miscavige’s weird co-mingling rules I wasn’t allowed into PAC to see my daughter, something that contributed to the problem). It was the first time my rose colored glasses began to shatter something I now often thank Katrina for. She told me with all the solemnity and dignity she could muster that she didn’t want to be in the Sea Org but that she didn’t want to pull Lucy or me out because she knew what being in the Sea Org meant to us so she would just go back to England and live there. She was barely 14. I was choked, both incredibly proud of her strength and devastated at the same time — my world fell apart.

Lucy and I proposed a number of sane solutions whereby we could accommodate the handling of Katrina and remain on staff. I even proposed in writing that I take Katrina back to England and become a Flag Rep in an Org while Lucy remained on her post in LA. Quite a sacrifice I thought but the powers that be would have none of it. We had to dump Katrina out into the world and both remain on post in LA – nothing else would be acceptable. In the endless “talks” it would often seem like good sense was going to prevail as we had real comm. cycles with our “handlers”. They seemed to understand. But they would return next day stony faced and zombie like, parroting back Miscavige’s immensely ruthless and unbending, out of valence viciousness. It was a no-go and a stalemate.

The terminals “handling” us began to use Katrina as a pawn in the matter. She came very close to making the decision to stay in the Sea Org for the next four years just for the sake of her parents. She would leave the moment she came of age (18). We couldn’t let her make that sacrifice so I realized that in the interim I would have to get her out of the picture, I would have to place her far away with a relative, out of harm’s way. So I proposed that I take her to Sacramento and I wasn’t surprised that it received immediate approval from the powers that be. I was to leave right away.

Driving the 500 miles north was the saddest journey I have ever undertaken. I had no idea when or if we would see Katrina again. I had very little time so I dropped her off at a relative’s house, paid my respects, gave my daughter a hug and left her, a forlorn figure disappearing in my rear view mirror, standing on the front steps as she waved goodbye as I struggled to drive away — it was hard to see the road in front of me.

I consider myself fairly tough but the whole experience gutted me. And Lucy would later remark how that night, back in LA, was the only time she had ever heard me cry myself to sleep.

The months passed slowly after that and Lucy and I became increasingly desperate. I had looked into the eyes of some Sea Org members that had been made to dump their kids – they were dead inside. And besides, I thought our strength came from aligned dynamics? Very strange indeed that at just about the highest level in Scientology; under Miscavige’s blatant influence, basic Scientology was not being applied.

In the end Lucy and I got fed up with getting the runaround and having terminals intentionally drag the whole thing out so we took off one day. And boy did that get their attention. I called OSA’s security chief from Sacramento 24 hours later. She understood (all of a sudden) that we should have been allowed to handle our scene with Katrina in a “humane” manner. It was all sweetness and light.

So Lucy and I returned to route out of the Sea Org, we had tried every other possible way to solve the problem — it was the only option available to us. The next few months were spent in what I termed “management prison”. My passport was held, our drivers licenses were taken along with our credit cards. We were guarded 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Most of the time was spent in a windowless room in the basement of the management building. But I’ll say little more on that subject because our story was not any more horrific than any of the others you may have heard already.

While in management prison, I really couldn’t figure out why security and OSA went to all the trouble they did and why it took so long, until I realized the whole game was about trying to gag us, tie us down with legal documents and extract every ounce of discreditable data they could should the day arrive in the future when they might need it. Well, that day has arrived.

In late 2006 Lucy and I left the Sea Org after a combined 61 years on staff. For our pains we received freeloader bills totaling $200,000. And before the full truth had dawned on us we paid all our freeloader debts. We managed to lessen the bills but we still paid well in excess of $100,000.00

And I noted with interest that the majority of the people that dealt with Lucy and I regarding Katrina, from Qual staff to three of the four ethics terminals, all left the Sea Org within a short time after us, some almost immediately. I guess when you mess with peoples’ dynamics you reap the whirlwind.

For many months now Katrina, Lucy and I had been flying under the radar in Texas, ever since I had been to see my old friend Marty — what are the odds that, as vast as the USA is, Marty and I would both land within a short car ride of each other?

But the last member of our quartet (Marika) was still actively on lines. In fact she was about to go to Flag. I thought of briefing her on the real scene but thought better of it. I had an idea that Miscavige might just do my job for me. Sure enough a Flag auditor botched it royally, left my daughter in the middle of gross out tech, overrun and an unhandled red tag that they refused to deal with. They thought it more convenient to reject her as a Flag PC, that way they could just forget about it and go on with quickying Grades.

Within a few days Marika flew to Texas to be with her family. She walked in and said: “Why do I not want to go back to Flag? Why do I not want to go to any org?” So we told her. And after we answered all her questions I said: “What do you want to do now?” Quick as a flash her answer was: “Let’s go see Marty!” So we did.

Lucy, Marika and Katrina - three independent women

But rumors began circulating, especially in the UK, that the four of us had been declared because we went and saw “a squirrel” or “joined a squirrel group”. What these OSA idiots are referring to is my family and I visiting my old friend and comrade Marty Rathbun. Apparently Marty is being covertly slandered (they dare not say such things to his face, just whisper things behind his back). Are you serious? I’ve known Marty Rathbun since 1981 and worked directly with him for some years, he is the straightest shooting, most by-the-book standard, diligent, ethical guy I know in or outside Scientology. He is the real deal and the real reason the church survived the heavy years and his auditing skill and application are the real reasons certain celebs are still Scientologists. Many staff and public know this to be the truth.

Miscavige knows it too. Have you noticed how Miscavige dare not even name Marty? Not in the press, not in the ridiculous 80 page “Freedom” Mag, not verbally in OSA’s new tactic of “declare by rumor”. He is never referred to by name

All I can state is that the James family (Lucy, Katrina, Marika and I) are all extremely proud to know Marty Rathbun.

And yes, I am happy to say that we are all together now and that we are an INDEPENDENT FAMILY.

Haydn James

(A.K.A. T Paine)

118 responses to “An Independent Family – T Paine and the James gang

  1. “I had looked into the eyes of some Sea Org members that had been made to dump their kids – they were dead inside. ”

    For me this says it all. Glad the James family were able to escape.

    David Miscavige belongs behind bars.

  2. Haydn, what an amazing story. We knew each other slightly in the SO, and I had no idea what you and your family were going through. It seems everyone has a similar heart-rending story of abuse and injustice. I am so glad to see that you and your courageous family have made it out of the SO and are together. All the best to you.

  3. Breathtaking.


  4. Thank you for your story! It seems like things worked out in the end :)- Seems to actually be a beginning of sorts!!

  5. I remember you well Fishdaddy. You Steve H. and Bill D. were the three most memorable people for me, as it happens. It’s a funny old world.

    I read your story and it made me very glad to see you emerged and that you were doing so well. Thank you for your kind words. All the very best to you too.

  6. Haydn & Lucy,

    Wow! Thanks very much for sharing your incredible, heart breaking saga and T Paine’s insightful posts.

    I remember you from the early 80’s and had no clue as to what became of you guys, only a snippet here and there of how you were doing well in the UK. Yours is an amazing story of persistence despite so many injustices.

    Very glad to have you as part of the Independents!

  7. Welcome Haydn, Lucy, Marika, and Katrina!
    Haydn your description of dropping off Katrina and driving away brought me to tears (literally). I am so happy to know you and your lovely family. Please send my love to the James ladies.
    Love Mosey

  8. Brilliant work Haydn, and warmest wishes to you and your beautiful family. That took real courage, something you obviously aren’t lacking. I absolutely love your articles as they are so pinpoint accurate and perceptive.

    I don’t suppose you wanna come back to Blightey and help de-PTS the UK?!

  9. Haydn,

    I’d ride with your gang any day. I wish for you and yours to Flourish and Prosper through this Holiday Season and the coming new year.


  10. Hat off!

  11. Phew, that’s some story Haydn. Just when I think I’ve heard it all, another example of Miscavige’s insanity and cruelty pops up. He seems to have an obsession with splitting up families. Could this be because of inadequacies in his own life, in this area?

    Thank goodness your whole family is out and together now.

    I was very interested to hear about Birmingham Org. I had wondered how they had managed to become the biggest Class V org in the UK. When I was in CLO in ’87, they were down to 3 staff at one point and 2 of those were CLO missionaires! From what I’ve heard, they’ve crashed again and half the staff have left now.

    Thanks for all you’ve done in exposing the abuses of the CoS, hopefully you will inspire many more to come forward with their own stories…


  12. Thanks Mosey. The ladies answered this way:


  13. “I don’t suppose you wanna come back to Blightey and help de-PTS the UK?!”

    What he said! 🙂


  14. Congratulations!!!! I bet you’ve got a floating needle too!

  15. Sinar, thank you so much. So great to hear from you and we remember you well. I’ve told the girls all about you!

  16. Mosey,
    That got me and my girl too. .Big beings live large. What an epic and what a truimph.

    Sweet Fancy Moses!!!!!!

    Am I lucky to know you guys!

  17. Great story, Haydn.
    I am curious. When you were building up the Birmingham Org, did you have to beat up anybody to do that?

  18. Wow Haydn,
    What a story – and how beautifully written.
    No one will be able to read this and say there is nothing wrong, it didn’t happen, they were bad hats or whatever it is that goes on.
    I was shocked very recently to hear that there were in fact people who attempted to undermine what you guys achieved with Bhm org in the UK. It is staggering because the product you produced stands there in the middle of the City and is still the best org. The “before and after” cannot be denied no matter how much twisting of the truth is attempted.
    It was real educational to find out what happened. And now knowing you who are I went and re-read all the T Paine articles I could find. Now that I know, I can see your hand. You chose that nickname well. His voice will be remembered forever – for a second time!
    You point out in your writings that no one had the whole picture. You have just filled in huge chunks for me. I apologise sincerely for any time I failed to stand by your side and support you and Lucy – I really had no clear idea what you were dealing with or what you had been through.
    I hope before too long that we will be able to meet again, and I will be able to shake your hands with full recognition of the amazing thetans you are.

  19. Dear Haydn and Lucy,

    I was very moved by your story and admire your courage in making the decision to come out publically. It’s a huge step, as those of us who have done it, know.

    What a beautiful loving family you have. In that, and many other ways, you are so fortunate. There’s quite a lot to be thankful for, isn’t there?

    The best to you all. If you need anything up here in the Pacific Northwest, don’t hesitate to ask.

    Sherry Many-Katz

  20. Well iffing done! Takes some real courage. Courage that I don’t have as yet to go independent – but I’m working my way there. DM’s cruelty is mind boggling, glad your family survived and that you are happy 🙂

  21. What an amazing account.
    I have nothing but the best wishes to you and your entire family.
    My question now is: What is really being done to stop this insanity?! And this reign of terror by DM?!! I remember discussing certain “out-points” that I had observed going on in the SO (i was merely public) , with my cousins who were in the s.o. and I was told that many of these “out-points” have been corrected……
    Is this true? Is there any improvement going on within the SO? It saddens and angers me so much that SOOOO many people have dedicated their entire lives and utter existence to Co$ and the way they are treated like criminals and slaves is so wrong it’s disgusting. I would really like to know how are current Scientologists not aware of what is REALLY going on! And when is DM going to get “handled” and demoted and put in a lower condition and go to the Ethics Officer himself!!?

  22. I also don’t understand why people are held against their will. If someone decides that this is not the life for them, they should be free and clear to leave. PERIOD. I have to give credit to those who left and actually properly routed out. And pay the “freeloader’s debt” too? Oh man….then on top of that you may very well be declared an “SP”? Wow…I would just sneak away and find some way to dissapear…….I am so sad for my friends and family still deeply involved w/ the Co$ (and sadly broker than ever too:( I still want to know if/how I can approach this subject w/ current Scientologists that I know without getting myself declared an SP. For the longest time, I just let it go “you do you and i do me” type mentality but the more that I read and learn, I am having a hard time with the whole fair roads and good weather approach to the subject.

  23. Thought provoking

    Thank you for sharing your story and being a voice of reason and truth in these confusing times.

  24. Underground For Now

    “…And yes, I am happy to say that we are all together now and that we are an INDEPENDENT FAMILY.”

    Haydn,Lucy, Marika & Katrina this is my favorite quote from your riveting, seemingly fictitious story. Great script writers cannot make up this story.

    My blood is boiling just thinking about the many abuses Miscavige has delt out to SO individuals & families. I am getting the idea we are witnessing the tip of the “iceberg” so to speak.

    Haydn & family welcome to “INDYLAND” a place where you can flourish and prosper.

    Have a beautiful holiday with your family.

    I think Christmas has come early for you folks.

    Much love, Jack Airey

    p.s. Haydn I do remember talking to you on the phone a short time ago. Sorry dinner did not happen with you and Mike.

  25. Haydn, what an incredible story of courage and dedication. I find it hard to describe my emotions on reading it, so I’ll just salute you a dozen times. If this doesn’t show the depths of evil from which DM operates, I don’t know what does.

  26. Mos,

    I can’t express what you mean to me. Your quiet confidence is so soothing. You are heart warmingly kind. Thank you for being there for us when we needed you – that goes for you too Marty, you’re a star and you are our beacon of hope.

    Keep shining bright!

  27. Get whatever you paid on the freeloader debt back. Those charges are illegal, in California at least.

  28. Wow, what a story! What an incredible family – it is an honor to know you all. Thank you for your great articles, for your many contributions and for your dedication all those years. We wish you all the best! Mary Jo and her independent family. 🙂

  29. Ugggh – 007. Nice to see you again. We know each other well. For obvious reasons I am under the radar as well, and remain so for the time. But I was there in the end when you went through this inhumane Siberian gulag camp “handling” in 2006. It was not long after that when my wife and I packed it in and spent six months in the windowless cell in the basement of the HGB, under guard, treated like slaves and denied the rights of humanity – all the while they were scooping up more information on us and actively working to split us. I know your pain man. I too am fighting the fight out here. It is my goal that David Miscavige – the most pervasive and destructive squirrel ever knowing in the history of Scientology – be dethroned and that Scientology returns to good hands. I have a blog – follow it if you wish ( I am posting plenty more facts there to help stir the soup. Good luck and I am so very happy to see you and Lucy and the girls doing well. It’s a testament to the fact that the only lightning that will come down is the bolt that strikes Miscavige when his back is firmly against the wall and he has nowhere to run.
    OTB (Outside The Box)

  30. Awesome account. I recognized Lucy immediately from my staff time at Flag and in LA. Your combined love and courage as a family is moving.

    I wish you happiness from here on out.

  31. Haydn, I’ve been asking Marty and Steve for months, “Damn, who is this T. Paine guy? He’s gooooood!”

    Now I know, it’s two people. Great to know it’s you and Lucy. We never had much more than a passing acquaintance but having read your account and your articles over the past months I’m proud of even that.

    All the best to you, Lucy and your daughters.

    Dan Koon

  32. I wouldn’t discount it. The UK is home to me, always will be.

  33. Wow…incredible story. I admire you for it.
    Best to you Haydn and your family.

  34. It never ceases to amaze the depths to which an SP will stoop in an effort suppress.

    Well done on your success in overcoming that suppression and becoming an inspiration for so many others who have suffered under the same source of evil.

    For my family, it was the lack of Bridge and throw-away attitude directed toward those of us who joined the SO – my Mother and son in particular.

    You’ve helped make that suffering far more unlikely with your stand.


  35. As one of those internet terrorists who hate marched outside Birmingham Org while you were there, I can testify that we knew Birmingham was one Org we weren’t going to crack. I’m pleased to hear that the ‘Officer Commanding’ is out and yes, it’s gone downhill since. The debts I assume are back with a pointless Ideal Org building to pay for. Buildings don’t boom stats, good staff do that.

    I guess you know now that it wasn’t just you – anyone who succeeds in the CoS gets pulled down eventually – except for one! The people coming out now are those who Kept Scientology Working despite everything, and once they are all gone who knows what happens next.

  36. Dan, it has been our pleasure to read your articles and get the picture from someone who worked with LRH on compilations. Just so you know “Joe Howard” is famous in Bhm Org. I was very concerned in 2005 to find that Mariette was no longer at Int and no one would tell me what happened or where she was. A few months ago I discovered her whereabouts to my great relief. Please give her my regards. Lucy

  37. No apology needed GB, but since you are offering I totally accept. I also look forward meeting again, hopefully soon.

  38. Disinfected:

    I am not proud to state that I did things which I sincerely regret during those years in Birmingham . Things that had no bearing on the succes that took place and were unecessary and uncalled for. I yelled a great deal at times and did on occasion get physical with some of the staff. I still labored under the faslehood that the end justified the means when the truth is that such actions improved nothing, they hindered.

    But if by “beat up” you mean the action of knocking somebody to the ground and raining down punches and kicks, or something similar then no, I don’t believe I did. I know of no physical injury that I inflicted.

    Not long ago I sent a written apology to a key executive in Birmingham Org and asked that it be relayed to anyone that felt offended, intimidated or hurt by my actions. It is a standing apology.

  39. Good to here from you OTB. We share the same goals once more my friend.

  40. First from “The James Gang Rides Again”.

    “Funk 49”

    So appropiate 🙂

    I’m glad to see you’ve come out of the cold.

    And standing proud in that South Texas sunshine.

    Right now I have my personal reasons for staying refrigerated but I’ll be joining y’all soon.

    Love your posts on Scientology-cult.



  41. Dan you are a star to me. Your huge contribution to Scientology technical films and your calm, sane presence on tech lines got me through some real tough times I’ll have you know.

    I finally get to do what I have wanted to do for many years — which is thank you.

  42. Thank you so much for coming forward. I’m thrilled that you have kept your family in tact throughout all of the madness.

    I remember you from your PBC days. Do you know whatever happened to Shane Whitmore the D/CO then?

  43. One could dismiss this fantastic story with a spin “well, the Jameses must have done something to pull in such misfortune”. Yet, while nothing warrants having to bear such as they have, they must feel as proud as we feel for them at where they’ve finally arrived; free, independent and in the company of the finest friends one could ask for. Applause to you and best wishes for a bright future.

  44. Eldon,
    They are also very, very off LRH policy. I’ve written a KR on this posted on

  45. OH MY GOD.


    You were IT.

    It is so so so so good to see you and Lucy here. I knew you in PAC. You were so admired by me and many others.

    I am so happy to see you are out and doing well.

  46. Thanks for doing what you are doing. You and your family are heroes to me.

    I love your writings and am proud to know you and to be part of your group.


  47. Thanks RJ.

    Love the James Gang and Joe Walsh. Saw him live at Wembley Stadium in …. OK we’ll skip that part.

  48. When one thinks that all has been said…
    That no more bizarre behavior can be reached…
    Comes T. Paine and his family to share this horror story.
    I feel very dupliated reading your history; I also was living in a very small room with my wife and new born baby when I make my training line-up. We could not afford even a bed in that times because I did not recieve any pay some weeks.

    There are a lot more examples of this; but…
    Maybe latter.

    Outstanding, long time dedicated staff members do make a lot of change by going public. After all; upstat staff are opinion leaders of many people and this would help to change the things for better.

    I wish happiness and success to you, your wife and your two lovely daughters.

    Thanks for letting the truth shine…

    Roberto Sánchez Núñez

  49. Thankyou for stepping forward. It really does pave the way.
    When a big being stands up, they come with a “mark”, care of DM, I admire, greatly, your courage and support for so many still to take the leap of faith. You are in good company; Marty, Mike, Dan, Mary Jo, Sherry, Geir, Ken Urq, Jason Beghe, Jenna Miscavige, Amy Scobee… and so many more the list just goes on of people that Rock!(the boat, in a good way!!).
    With integrity comes havingness, enjoy it!

  50. Haydn, Lucy, Marika & Katrina – I LOVE YOU WITH ALL OF MY HEART.

  51. What a fantastic family you have, Haydn. It´s always great to see a story that ends happily, with the family coming together (i.e, not disconnecting). Kudos to you and all other families that stay united and strong during such difficult times!

  52. Dear James family!

    Thank you for sharing your touching story with us. Hayden, I was hoping to know the real “T.Paine”. I am honored to know you and your beautiful family.

    We are so proud to have you on our side.

    Flourish & Prosper!

  53. Incredibly moving and I thank your family for sharing your experiences.

    As with all of your writing it does much to help those of us sorting our way through what we see -although have difficulty accepting as true.

    I see such an incredible application of the Code of Honor in numerous ways within your family and throughout this family history. Katrina being willing to walk away for her parents to continue to pursue their purpose; Haydn & Lucy for standing by Katrina in spite of the threat of losing all they fought for and for allowing Marika to come to her own choice; and Marika for being willing to understand her family and stand with them.

    Again, thank you.

  54. You did magnificently to get a UK org doing so well!

    Something I’m interested in is the demise of data series tech, re evals of orgs.

    You have any data on that?

    Also when was the last succesful eval of
    anywhere ever done iof you know?

  55. Maxim Zbitnoff

    Haydn, I’ve read some of your other pieces. IMO, your personal story communicates the essence of what you’ve been wanting to commuicate most powerfully….it goes right to the heart. Joseph Campbell calls it the hero’s journey. Plus, not just one, but three beautiful women who love you.

  56. “We finally understood why most of the management units out in the continents did not function. Not one line of the entire LRH management tech Lucy and I had painstakingly word cleared was in use.”

    My experience at CLO EUS was similar, as I’ve written about on this website before. It’s a whole squirrel framework where you can’t fix an outness because that involves getting rid of the whole framework – it’s all intertwined – and creates a very effective apathy against regarding changing the situation.

    When you try to fix one major outness, DMs “dreamed up” intertwindeness all logically comes into question, and so you can’t do it because you’re considered “disaffected” of DM’s whole system. (Events, ideal orgs, no missionaire tech used – call orgs instead, flood the FOLO and Orgs with telexes, blanket programs way over gradient to org pgm #1 considering most orgs are in keokuk stage, more and more)

    It’s shocking when you read the FO’s and CBO’s and HCO PLs, and see that the CLO doesn’t do ANY of that. It’s really that bad, and those that have read the policies see how easy it would be to expand Scientology by following LRH. So simple and so effective.

    Thanks to you four for coming forward. Amazing and courageous story.

    Also this adds to the growing testimony of umocking working installations and going concerns, a huge no-no in policy. DM could even have been a lot less squirrely than documented; but unmocking going concerns at key times alone would subtly take down the works over the long term. Point being, the unmocking alone would have LRH gunning for DM were he still here. LRH acted swiftly and furiously and completely for much lesser single instances, and LRH would be on our side right now I’m positive.

  57. Christie!


    x x x

  58. Lucy and Haydn, Thank you both very much. Like I said, it’s an honor. Mariette sends her regards and would love to hear from you.

  59. Thanks Haydn, Lucy, Marika and Katrina. You’re input and stories are invaluable.

    Great to hear you are doing so well.

  60. Old friend from SO

    Hi Hayden and Lucy,

    I love your writtings on the scn-cult site. Very spot on. It’s running out the 3rd Dynamic engram. Wish you all the best.

  61. Concerned Citizen

    Wow, what a survival potential. Beings like you guys exemplify Scientology at its best. I too quite enjoy your articles. I have to say your family is so beautiful. Only a raving lunatic could conspire to get rid of some of the most able beings on earth like that. But being such able beings, nature is running its course.
    I have a quote you might like.

    “You may escape immediate punishment for your transgression of law but you cannot elude the immutable sting of its gathered power.”

    What he has done to you, to us to Scientology and the betrayal that represents for the rest of humanity, is here and now unable to elude this immutable sting, and this group, you and your family very much included are it’s gathered power.

  62. Concerned Citizen

    Dear ARCXen,

    I understand how you feel. My world came crashing down on me when I heard the Truth RD series. I knew a lot of this was happening, I lived a pretty hellish version of it myself, but I always had trust that RTC would fix it, and when I heard that it comes from the very TOP. Well, I felt kind of like you do.
    Fast forward, I realized that the best way to go about it is to grant people beingness and like Haydn did, wait for the right moment. LRH says you handle the individual and you do so according to his reality. If you pick someone who is winning greatly and give them this data, they will reject it. They are not in need of change; this is not real to them as it is not what they are experiencing.
    The realization that not all is well, is inevitable. That is when you use LRH policy and point out what policies are being violated, nothing else. When they try to get the policies followed, they will run into the unthinking robots that follow orders and disregard LRH, since to them LRH is no longer senior. This creates the awareness all by itself. The individual so involved will begin to look, and will find the answers. It takes time and infinite patience; it helps to know what policies are being violated. You can consult Steve’s site, he has a great summary, or you can ask Jim L, Marty etc, for the reference. IT WILL ONLY WORK IF YOU STICK TO THE FACTS, LEAVING RIDGES, ANGER and other Mis-emotion OUT of it.
    There is no substitute for knowing policy or tech and being able to duplicate the other’s viewpoint, honestly and without ridge. Being tolerant to the fact that your awareness is not theirs and still maintain your affinity for them. I would have rejected this accounts (thought I have myself being through a few of this things) had it not being for 3 factors.
    1 Marty, Tom and Mike are very real to me. I know them, I worked with them, and I have that level of trust necessary to listen to them.
    2 I observed things are going cookier than I thought when I left the SO. People in do not know what is going on a broad scale, individuation has been promoted so hard, you are literally blind and introverted. Once out I could observe a bit better and I did.
    3 Due to my own ordeal, I had reached need of change. It was something that I had reached about 2 years earlier, but with the natter boards being the only resource, I could not really get a good stable datum, other than wait and keep learning LRH. This is why facts are so important, people can tell facts from natter and this team is sane and facts do make sense, and it does blow charge and it does open the door to a handling. These sites are a great tool, USE it.
    If you think you can keep your TRs in and do the above, which has worked for me, then let’s do it. Let’s awaken as many souls as possible, while we can. If you can’t I suggest you post your declaration, it is best to be among friends and in the open. Or you can do what Revel0008 suggest in his leaving Scientology Blog – just quietly withdraw your support.
    Others may have better suggestions, but for me, this is what works and the greatest good. In any case, there is a tremendous value to listening to LRH and continuing to learn the actual tech, and policy. Things are the way they re, because Scientologist at large, me included, failed to duplicate LRH fully and insist on doing KSW numbers 1-10. This is so bad, that finding the OEC Vols is almost impossible and that right there is enough of a red flag to set alarms in any Scientologist worth his salt. Duplicating LRH and applying correct Scientology are the best cure, and the best guarantee of personal survival.
    Best of luck my friend.

  63. Hayden,

    The story of what you and your family went thru and accomplished is stunning and brought tears to my eyes! Thank you so much for sharing. Your articles have been very insightful. I look forward to hearing more from you. Nice to have you and your family amongst the Independents.

  64. Thank you for your account. To anybody reading this blog who is still sitting on the fence and unsure whether or not to believe the charges against Miscavige I say this: pay attention to the tone of Haydn’s account and compare it to the tone of Tommy Davis, the Freedom Magazine issue, and for that matter Miscavige’s normal speech. Which seems more rational? Even tempered? Genuine? More in line with someone correctly applying standard LRH tech?

  65. I do not know Haydn but am very happy to see Lucy on this side. Lucy welcomed me on clearances and with Amy got me at Int. Without these 2 I would have done an “about face” I think — the place was already so mad. Lucy was never part of the madness, carrying it forward or dramatizing it in CMOI and I looked at her as a little queen with obviously more integrity than most around. I was shocked to see shortly thereafter how pregnancy turned a respected member of the group into persona-non grata. Nice to see you here. Naomi

  66. Thank you Sherry and thanks for beng one of those that set the trend of going public, helped me make my mind up.

    You are right, there is a great deal to be thankful for.

  67. Thanks Jack and thank you for setting an example to others in making a public stand.

    Once I’m all squared away I would love to have that meeting.

  68. Last I knew my old friend Shane was still going strong — he was staff at AOLA. That data is a couple of years old.

  69. Thank you Roberto.

    You set the trend with such courage and strength that it made it a great deal easier for people like me to follow in your footsteps.

  70. Hi Dan, I’ve a personal question to you which I’d like it be answered on this blog. The film tone 40 assessment is to me a very odd show, my point being that the person depicted in that film can’t read an e-meter. If you look at the pc and assess as she pretends to do, she’d miss valid reads galore! Do you have any data about the film being accurate or not with LRH script? There are plenty lectures on how to assess and none says to do it that way unless you are a class 12 doing it method 6.

  71. It’s fantastic how obviously interconnected we all are and how by courageous souls such as Lucy and Haydn coming forward friends are again finding friends. Families are coming together again. It’s truly a dream of mine for over 15 years since I moved away from scn and lost nearly everyone who was once my friend.

    Marty and others on this blog I believe manifest the words from this wonderful Tibetan teacher. May we all continue to do this!!

    The quote arrived today in my inbox:
    Chogyam Trungpa — (died one year after Ron) – brought Tibetan Buddhism to the US in 1970


    As warriors, how are we going to respond to real opposition when it arises in the world? You don’t need party-line logic or a package-deal response. They don’t really help.

    In my experience of how students usually relate with conflict, I find that they tend to freeze up when someone is very critical of them. They become non-communicative, which doesn’t help the situation.

    As warriors, we shouldn’t be uptight and uncommunicative.

    We find it easy to manifest basic goodness when somebody agrees with us. Even if they’re half-agreeing with you, you can talk to them and have a great time. But if someone is edgy and negative, then you freeze, become defensive, and begin to attack them back.

    That’s the wrong end of the stick….If we are in touch with basic goodness, we are always relating to the world directly, choicelessly…. The idea is to relate with whatever arises with a sense of sadness and tenderness”.


  72. I missed this earlier post. It’s profound.

    What I deeply appreciate on this board are those independents who are able to actually THINK with LRH data. I must confess, that even AS a SO member or Scn I really couldn’t THINK with the data, very well.

    Thus, while realizing that things were drastically wrong and getting worse – I was unclear really why and who was the who.

    After leaving the SO, and later as a public scientologist I just tried to mind my manners and hope that things would improve. Not very courageous I admit.

    It is so heartwarming to see the current way things on this board are going. To think that there are supposedly 25,000 former SO members – to the 5,000 current ones.

    It’s really only a matter of time before the tipping point.

    Thanks Concerned Citizen


  73. winsmexico — which one of the orgs were you connected to in Mexico City? While Nunez isn’t an uncommon Latin name — I’m pretty sure I knew your parents way way back in the day when Mexico was getting started – thanks to Yvonne Jentzch … If you don’t mind sharing – it could help me fill in a few pieces. You were probably no older than 1 or 2.

    Thank you.


  74. WH,
    This life I am a Scientologist so my references are from that body of work. Yes, it’s hard sometimes in the action of living among beings to recognize the basic goodness and take the tack in the quote above. In the Clearing Congress films I recall LRH holding up this mocked-up image of ‘evil’ and asking the question ‘who is this?’

    The answer, ‘no one’. Yet, in this present game we’ve got the reality of beings become this ‘no one’. Matching evil with evil is part of the material universe set-up to continue ad infinitum, this material universe.

    Stepping up and out of it, while maintaining one’s ability to confront and effectively handle this mocked-up evil, that’s where we’re at now and with Scientology processes to make it that much easier to assume a viewpoint of pan-determinism over these interchanges amongst beings, especially when they get ‘edgy and negative’. On the other hand, Action involves some negation of that and is a point high enough to reassume cause.

    All of this means, confront of evil and willingness to handle it with an understanding of its being the ‘second postulate’ and a lie.

  75. Old RPF Comrade

    Hi Hayden,
    I remember you when you were the CO PBC, and when Shane was the CO. I worked little with you, but we coordinated and I never had a bad experience with you – in fact I remember the food got much better when you were the CO.
    I was in the RPF with you – I was at your graduation with your trioship. I worked with you at the Manor and HGB. I remember your story when you refused to cooperate when you’d been assigned to the big R and then you decided to do the program and so on. You were an MAA and you knew what you were doing. I was good friends with Shane and Real LaPlaine. Like many, heck, like you my assignment then was an injustice, but you were there along with hundreds of competent execs who inspired me to really push myself. And maintain sanity – but back then if you took the RPF and made it run any org – that org would have been manned with the most brilliant, most competent of staff. Do you remember who was there? I remember… And the RPF I/C was totally insane. Crazy times… Hopefully we can somehow get together someday to share some of those stories.

  76. I do remember who was there — you’ve brought the memories flooding back and you are right, my Old RPF Comrade, there were some stellar people I had the honour sharing that experience with. They made the unbearable, bearable.

    I’d like nothing better than to meet up someday and share some stories.

  77. Haydn,

    Its our kids that saved us. We only once has an overt (heavy) on one of our Kids because of pressure of 3D. We never did it again and raised them with the tech, as free beeings and it’s them finally that helped us to understand and demonstrated to us how crazy the C.o.S has gone. They used to say “but you teached us that and ron says the same, why do you accept the contrary from your scientology friends ?” Its not Ok what the org does !

    Have a nice day !

  78. Haydn and Lucy – I count myself privileged to know you and the girls but I never knew the extent of your accomplishments nor the depth of your background.

    What has transpired is a tragedy not only to yourselves but also to Scientology. It is with diamond clarity that the Church is being actively dismantled from within. Thank you for sharing this with the world and helping to bring others to an understanding.

    I know that Lucy and yourself will succeed in whatever you decide to do. You and your family have our best wishes for a happy, relaxing and fulfilling holiday.

    We’ll see you soon.

  79. Dear Mark, thanks so much for your comm. I always looked up to you and I was there in the garage on the scissor lifts painting pipes different colors in 1990. Wild times! Haydn and I are were both happy to hear you and others are flourishing.

  80. NOTS, Yeah, that film is faithful to what LRH wrote, I believe, in regards to how that film was to be shot. You have to look down in time to catch the read. If I recall rightly it is the editing of the film that makes it seem as though reads would be missed. I don’t know if you can cut a shot that finely. I never did Class XII training but in Method 6 Assessment, you don’t even look at the meter. I think you need to widen your vision to read the meter while looking at the pc. EM Drill 27 teaches that.

  81. martyrathbun09

    Joe and NOTS, I believe the original observation is correct. The film is mis-edited in a big way.

  82. Thanks Dan. It seems right as you mention it, the editing is giving a very odd impression as if that lady can read the meter while watching at the pc and If someone tries to emulate that, is asking for missed reads.

  83. Congratulations Haydn, Lucy, Marika and Katrina. A note to all who are waiting on the sidelines… We are in the same boat and there are a substantial number that I know of personally. How many of us do you think there are? If we all came out together would there be enough to cause a severe shortage of goldren rod paper yet? LOL

  84. Can individual Orgs decide to break with the Instutute as the church and become entities in their own right ?

  85. Excalibur (Katrina)

    I would like to thank everyone for the kind words regarding this article. There are certainly losses on taking a stand, but to not do so we would all be contributing to the losses of others in similar situations. And so for taking on the burden of this large task ahead of us i would like to Salute everybody that is doing what they can to make a change. I would also like to specifically Saulte you Daddy, reading this article brought me to tears but it blew so much charge it was phenomenal. I love you very much and i am extremely proud of our family.

    Mosey and Christie, we love you millions!

    Good luck to all, keep it working people 😉

    Katrina. x

  86. WH…

    Thanks for asking.

    It wasn´t me.
    Im not a “born into Scientology kid”.
    My parents aren´t scientologists.
    I get into scientology for a introduction of my older brother in 1989.
    I was in IFA Bajio and later on ITD.

    Do well dude

    Roberto Sánchez Núñez

  87. Martin Padfield

    Elizabeth, I just got this from a very well informed source in EG. In part: …”She did say there are quite a few people in East Grinstead that feel the same, still want to be Scientologists, but they are totally against the Organisation & Miscavage.

    It looks like maybe there will be an explosion of people speaking out in East Grinstead at some point, this is great news…”

    Drop me a line – Marty tried to mail you but it bounced. Mail me:

  88. I’m very happy to see you survived as a family and Im very proud of all of you. Keep on moving forward and continue expanding in all dynamics. Life is ours. Enjoy it!

  89. Hayden & Lucy, it is my greatest joy of having brought a child into the world that saved me as well. LRH says that when children become unimporant to society we have forfeited our future – this is DMs regime – destroying this basic of urges. S.O. recruiters have recently convinced our young 20 year old friend, that having children is not important in the greater scheme of things and has given up on that aspect of life by being showing gloom and doom scenarios. Young and naieve, how many years is it going to take to realize that this is a vital part of life when it’s to late to turn back the biological clock?

  90. Greg Cook (Mary Jo Leavitt's son)

    Hear, hear!

    For those who are still on the fence in regards to making a stand, I suggest you do everything you can (while on the fence) to become more independent and less dependent on Miscavologists.

    If you own a business and only have Scn clients, promote to non-Scns and build up your client base. If you work for a Scn business, know your rights and don’t let anybody push you around. Use the tone scale and make more friends – friends that will stay true regardless of your religion or theirs. I’ve been very fortunate in this regard – having several non-Scn friends who are some of the best friends I’ve ever had.

    This will help (tremendously) with the transition if you ever decide you want to speak out and distance yourself from the criminal activities of the Church.

    I’m here in Los Angeles if anybody needs a hand (or an ear). And remember, nothing to be scared about…these Miscavologists aren’t actually that scary, nor should they be taken very seriously. 😉

  91. Lucy,

    Didn’t you used to work at INCOMM? If so, I know who you are. I’m sorry for what happened to you as you always seemed like a light being. I’m posting under a pseudonym so this name probably means nothing to you. I’m just glad you and your daughters made it out of that cult environment, though obviously we didn’t think of it as a cult at the time.

  92. Hi Martin and Marty,
    Strange that the emails bounced. Sending it again incase I did a typo or something.
    GB are you still out there?

  93. martyrathbun09

    Thanks for this. You are spot on about USING Scientology in life. This is very fundamental to what we stand for. The c of s has become increasing geared toward making it difficult to apply the subject in the world. People like you are doing more for the subject, and the world, than anyone within is ever permitted to do.

  94. I wonder if Marty realizes that the reason all these independents feel safe “coming out” is in large part due to those “far-left” radicals he keeps referencing. “Anonymous” and their far reaching movement has made is safe for ex-scieno and “independents” to come out in public and speak. I wish some on here would at least have the respect to give them credit for that.

  95. Dear Barry, yes the first SO Org I was in was INCOMM. LRH had written amazing advices about computers and how to use them. Lucy

  96. …these Miscavologists aren’t actually that scary, nor should they be taken very seriously.

    I second that.

    Greg; you have pass through some heavy suppresion too and had a win on the end. I know that and I hope someday you could share, if you wish, some of it.

    People on “the fences” need to see that there´s nothing to fear about, like in the OZ wizard.


  97. Wise words:

    “But if someone is edgy and negative, then you freeze, become defensive, and begin to attack them back. That’s the wrong end of the stick…”

    Wisdom is where you find it.

  98. That’s too bad, I was friends with Shane and Cathy whitmore back in the late 80’s and early 90’s. I was hoping they’d see the light.

  99. Mitford: I think this is an accurate assessment. I remember when I saw the youtube videos of the original February 2008 Anonymous protests all over the western world. I could not believe the UK/London protests; the sheer numbers and the street theatre aspects of it all. Things started accelerating after that and it did become safer to speak out. Marty is correct that there are fringe elements of Anonymous that are revolutionary in the extreme, but the overall impact has been to free up communication no matter where we fall on the spectrum.

  100. Mitford,
    I can’t speak for others, but I can tell you categorically ‘Anonymous’ had and has absolutely zero to do with my ability to be there and communicate. I regained that with Scientology.

    I like the masks though as they recall the movie ‘V’ and I enjoyed that 🙂

  101. I agree with Jim, but I also have to say that the day I walked smack dab into the middle of a major protest on the East Grinstead High Street was the day I first got an inkling that injustice and abuse was more widespread than I had first thought because what I witnessed was no two men and a dog rally. The numbers and organization impinged on me and others — I’ll never forget the look of fear on an OSA UK staff member’s face when I ran into him and he thought for a moment that I was part of the protest.

  102. Theo Sismanides

    Hi Haydn and congratulations to you and your family from Greece. We salute you guys. We are about 10 independents here, we do not have an independent auditor (but this will happen soon as things are moving on from grass roots) and I personally wanted to tell you that your story is a true Sea Org member story, a story of devotion, a story of alignment and re-alignment of dynamics, a story full of ARC. Better than a movie, man.

    I want to thank you for what you did in the Sea Org. I know we are going to have more fun from now on. America is always a big big freedom plane on this enslaved planet. I mean America as a free spirit. Marty is doing a wonderful full of ARC sight here. I feel so good. It’s an unbelievable thing that we are together, strong and alive with our childrens’ laughter being heard at the back of the house.

    You stood up for the 2D and its protection. Katrina you are a great being.

    kEep on writing and, hey guys, let’s apply more of this Admin Tech. Sorry, Marty, you know me… ha ha, the Oust DM Seven Div Org Board, ha ha, I have written up about it Haydn in another post.

    Anyway, you guys are so warm and your story and your achievements make us proud that we are back toghether again.

    ON BEHALF OF GREECE, I salute you and your lovely family.

    Much Love, Theo

  103. I thank you Theo, truly. To hear you guys are very active in Greece — you’ve just made my day!

    You see, Greece is where I found out about Scientology in 1974 which led directly to me joining staff in London when I returned home. My Scientology story actually started in Greece, Theo!

    I found Greece a paradise, the people are so friendly. I enjoyed every minute of my time there. To this day my preferred drink, when offered one, is still Ouzo (once you’ve got it, its a hard habit to break!).

    So here’s to an Indenpedent Greece – cheers!

  104. Greg thanks for speaking out and standing by your mom. Your post makes sense. I’ve found my friends in Miscavilogy aren’t scary either, some are kind of dumbfounded at first that I’m telling them, and a couple already knew, but none of them have sustained being mad at me for long, too much truth.

  105. Hi Lucy and Haydn,

    You were such a great couple in the Sea Org.

    I am glad you guys kept your family together.

    Chuck Beatty

  106. Theo Sismanides

    Dear Haydn,

    You made my day!!! Ouzo is a strong drink man!! But we are stronger thetans, ha ha. I am glad to hear your starting point in SCN was in Greece.

    Yes, there is something to his land and its people. But they drink a lot of Ouzo… ha ha, and some minds have been affected,.. ha ha.

    Now, seriously if you want to do a mission and we get people moving, we offer a lot of ouzo, afterwards as an after-party treatment.

    You and your family are welcome to come back anytime. This applies to all of you guys, especially to auditors since we are about 10 people here and no auditor. I am into advertising and publishing (me and my wife publish a fashion combined to modern philosophy and new ideas magazine, called Theta MAG) and a lot of my customers know about SCN and a lot speak English.

    I can arrange it so that we can have a big thing and big participation and pay the auditor. this is to think about seriously since a lot of people here can be audited and speak pretty good english.

    So, thanks a lot my friend, consider my points, especially that one of Ouzo, ha ha.

    Take care
    ML, Theo

  107. Haydn & Lucy,

    I’m sure you were missed at BHM for a few months until the smear campaign began. Somehow Int Mgt has managed to turn the remaining staff to the view that BHM’s 13 Golden Years of Expansion (From 3 staff to over 50) were created by a couple of off Policy Suppressives!
    Now the place has less than half the staff of when you were there, and so many public are just missing. Its like the heart has been ripped out of it.

    I’m glad you managed to get all your family out, and back together again. Did Lucy ever manage to track down her son – last I heard she was still trying to find him?

    Much Admiration for your courage.

  108. Thank you Ex BHM.

    Yes, I’m glad to say Lucy did track down Ryan, her son. We will all be spending Xmas together before he ships out to overseas in the New Year (he’s in the US Army).

    Good luck to you my friend.

  109. Thank you for your story. It’s amazing how much fear and grief are involved with the numerous people I have met in the church. The degradation, invalidation, lose of civil rights, legal rights, lose of an individual viewpt, for YOUR ‘greatest good for greatest number of dynamics’, whether on staff, SO, or public. That is very communist, when ones goals and dynamics become unimportant.

  110. Hallo

    Gut wrenching story, I can relate. Was I effect to the International Management perhaps?

    There is alot I would like to ask and say but I am very shocked about what I am reading at the moment.

    One thing I know though is I was asked to go in to Brum Org last year after being out for 4 years to express bad-goings on in the org. I never went and never wanted to. I figured someone was trying to stitch you up and that was my gut feeling, it just did not feel right, so I said no.

    I hope you all remember me and well I wish you all the best.

    Merry Christmas


  111. It all started the other day, I was watching BBC1 with a Nicole Kidman interview about here new film ‘nine’. She was asked about scientology. A freeze moment. Nothing was said. I then put her in wikipedia and there was her story etc. I went down the list and there was famous scientologists and to my surprise there was famous ex-scientologists list! I was shocked. I never would have belived this would be allowed out! Then I saw Jason Beghe!!!! OMG this guy was a legend to us Interns!! how? why? WTF?!!! It has started a whole bunch of questions for me.

    I have been quiet for 5 years since leaving Brum org. I routed off with the sec checks and all was good.

    I do need some answers to all this though…I mean so if all Scientology & Dianetics Tech is protected by RTC? Then how the hell can anyone progress up the bridge or train or do anything outside of the church? It is all very well having a group outside but what use is that if there is no fuel in the tank, you can not go anywhere can you? I personally do not know what to believe anymore I really do not. I was at Brum org and I did everything to try to make it work but there was off policy stuff and even when I showed policy nothing was done…I have been out for a while its 5 years later and who cares but at the end of the day we were all following the same folk there and the folk there were following the top guys…so who is right and who is wrong? I really do not and can not believe that top International guys are corrupt but I am reading so much lately that something is out somewhere…how the hell can a SP make a go of something out of nothing and why would they? Man I have so many questions but I just do not know who to speak to? Do I get into trouble? I am not even involved anymore but I am still scared. Why? I had my issues when on staff but I put up with it. Was that Birm org to fault or Int Mgt? Which finger pointing do I follow? I am still picking up the pieces and trying to get my career back on track that was hindered for 5 years so I am wondering what it was all for when the folk who believed in me are now speaking out against what it was we were all doing! It is all so crazy man! I never liked going to church or the IAS but I accepted it and tried to do it. I even was a Minister for a funeral! Wow what a trip. I liked my training and never have been so ‘kick ass’ I though am now wondering what it was and hearing about all this and Jason Beghe (the poster boy for scientology – my Class IV video training hero!!) etc… what the hell is going on! But can I really believe what anyone says anymore for I always thought that when I was ready to go back I would and could…so much stuff I hear about scares me man…I always believed in the folk I worked for and that meant Hayden/Lucy & International Management I just always was lead to believe you had to get skint or bankrupt or give up your career, these was all about KSW? Your are in it or you are not kind of thing. I am not experienced enough to know to speak less of any of these people. I love them all. I never have been so impressed as seeing DM speak or see Hayden talk at Brum, I can not see how all this is so complicated but something somewhere is up. Its like the investigatory tech, where you investigate and when you have two answers, one thing you know is 1 of them are wrong or both are wrong, they can not both be right! Sorry but for me I just am confused man.

    The very people I aspired to are at odds and I am sad and sorry to hear all this news. I just can not believe it.

    Love K

  112. martyrathbun09

    K, I would start by reading this blog from the first post forward to pt, read every article on, read the FriendsofLRH site. That will answer many of you questions. As to credibility of competing claims, study your SOS and learned you tone scale cold.

  113. Thanks for that. I have just been looking at those websites briefly. Quite something, this is not a joke right? I am firstly thinking is the re-release of all the basic books, real? Were they wrong before? because on friendsofLRH website suggests stuff has changed but was not suppose to?

  114. Hello Karl,

    Great to hear from you again.

    I can do no better than the advice Marty gives you of studying the whole story on all the websites. The articles I write as T. Paine are the gospel. Unfortunately for a great many people, this is no spoof or joke.

    If you wish to talk directly you can email me at

    Lucy and I send our warmest regards to you and yours and wish you all the best.

  115. I will read all I need to read but this whole idea of making a stand is a bit much at the moment, I remember being told that I needed to make a stand for the COS and not to listen to anything else – I am sure everyone did. So now I am reading the opposite. I will though have an open mind – is that allowed? I will say though I knew something was up, that is why I left and the complete lack of wanting to return has bugged me even though the sec checks were great. Why did I not want to go back? I guess I was right all along with my integrity, it is nice to hear. Hayden you were the father I should of had. Without leaving you out Lucy maybe you could of been my mother too. :> I will leave that there and perhaps be in touch in the new year.

    Much respect to you both and of course M & K

    my preferred pseudonym, the jakal

  116. Hayden,
    I was greatly moved by your story. Let me first of all say that I was not in the SO but was the PES in a small mission in the Twin Cities, MN in the early 90’s. We have never met but I want to tell you that I do feel great ARC for you and all beings who have taken up the cause of Liberty anywhere on the track. I have been outraged by the injustices visited upon you, your family and many of your fellow SO comrades by DM and his henchmen. It is a significant part of why I and my wife Natalie stood up and publicly disconnected from the fraud which is the current Cof S. While my ev-purps do get restimulated when I think of DM’s betrayal and his many crimes, I am reminded that it is more appropriate to pity him for what lies ahead on his track.
    As I read about your experiences I was also reminded that there is no action without cause and no experience without purpose. You are a giant thetan so it does not suprise me that the effects you create or experience match your stature.
    You have come through with the admiration of your friends, but more importantly you have painted a vivid picture of the hell that is in store for all mankind if Scientology is allowed to fail.
    Let me say again that it is a privilege to be a part of this group which is truly safeguarding the legacy of LRH by maintaining the Code of Honor and Keeping Scientology Working.
    Brad Hagemo

  117. Pingback: 15 essays « Field Review

  118. Pingback: Proč se církev bojí internetu | independent beings

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s