Sarge’s Recollections of LRH, part IV

Blogger note:  I’ve heard some din from bitter people about Sarge “sugar-coating” his LRH stories.  Makes me shake my head with a mixture of amusement and pity.  They don’t get it.  You get what you give. The way you get treated in life has a little something to do with the way you treat life and others. I’ve known Sarge since 1978. He’s the closest thing to Forest Gump I’ve ever had the privilege of knowing. As I have said from the outset, those who want to natter and tear down the Old Man post-humously, you’ve got plenty of forums older and more widely read than mine to do so at your heart’s content. Have at it. Over there.

CINE by Sarge

After my adventure as Supercargo WHQ, in 1977, I was happily a courier again. The Old Man had written up scripts for a new project called Cine. One day I was at the stables washing my vehicle when a messenger came and asked me to paint a backdrop to go behind a window. The Old Man was doing camera tests as a pre-production project called ‘get your feet wet’. The ‘date packing plant’ had been turned into a studio for ‘Cine’ shoots. I was chosen to paint a simple backdrop because I had been an artist since a kid and knew how to mix colors etc. I found an old sheet of plywood and used some house paint left over from renos. I painted a simple mountain landscape. I even added a tree or two.

Well, next day after my courier run, a messenger came up to me all excited and said LRH wants to see you. I was thinking about telling him I could do better if I had more time and some better materials, etc. Lots of justifiers. When I arrived at the Studio (makeshift affair put together from an old date packing plant), I found a very happy and excited LRH looking through a camera lens. He had me come over to look through the lens at my backdrop neatly framed by the window. Wow! Did I do that? It looked real. I was as impressed as he was. The Old Man called me a genius (again) and also called me Rembrandt.

During Cine the whole crew, including those with full-time posts were used as extras, and held other part time Cine posts. After Cine was in full production the Art Director at the time was found wandering around the alfalfa field talking to himself. Well….yes, (gulp) I was next. It’s amazing how it happened. Instead of the Old Man just posting me as Art Director, he sent Maria Starkey to ask me to help LRH out. There’s that help button again. Maria was now Supercargo WHQ. Well, I figured if I had a way out, I was going to take it. I said no thanks. Then, came Maria and Norman Starkey with their best reg hats on and talked me into it.’ Shame Sarge, LRH needs you.’ Norman was the Producer (held half the org board) and I was to be Art Director (and hold the other half). Scared to say the least. The Old Man was happy to have me on post and started me out on gradients again. I would read the scripts and submit a set design while I was also reading Cine hat material.

The first few set designs were approved with VWDs. Then it got rougher. It seems I was also in charge of Sets, props, wardrobe, makeup and special effects etc. I had to handle a whole lot of natter, crying, temper tantrums, etc. I never got another approved set design. (justifiers again). I soon became overwhelmed. When I was reassigned to LEC (LRH External Comm) I was relieved and also felt I let the Old Man down. I assigned myself confusion as it seemed to fit.

Toward the end of Cine and WHQ, the Old Man looked sick. The atmosphere was one of group bank against LRH and the CMO. LRH invited anyone who didn’t want to be there to leave. Many did. I was walking from LEC in ‘Olives’ to the ranch house as many with bags were leaving and the Old Man was there with messengers. He walked up to me and I was surprised when he said, ‘well, are you leaving too?’. I looked him in the eyes and said ‘no Sir! I’m staying!’ I could tell he was not well, but he said ‘Good!’

62 responses to “Sarge’s Recollections of LRH, part IV

  1. Well, Sarge, there’s a lot of times in life when it takes some grit and a damn good sense of humor to get along, doesn’t it?
    I wish more people could just let go of certain things so they could move along.

    This is for all those light hearted folks who may have a recieved a “financial ding” or two over the years.

    The Incomplete Definition

    Seems it’s always so easy to become dismayed
    At how long it takes to get something done
    Or even in the end what yor ended up paid
    After you weigh in that sweat against all the fun.

    So I reckon it’s the product that can give you the edge
    And whether or not it appeals to your heart
    Determines the amount that you’re willing to pledge
    It can steady the resolve so you’re not torn apart.

    That was just what I thought as I glanced through my mail
    With pictures of a short Shepard directing his flock
    On all those shiny mailings that told me to avail
    Myself of his service or I’d be in for a shock
    And with no time to waste or I’d be subject to Hell.

    This required some reasoning so I pulled out a smoke
    To contemplate my future and how best to respond
    Seemed a bit over the top and intended to provoke
    But it was that word “service” that just stuck in my throat.

    “No wonder,” I thought as I’d heard it before
    Used by the government to describe such chores
    Like the Internal Revenue that we all abhor
    But that lump in my throat still wouldn’t dismiss
    Was it MU phenomena and that’s what’s remiss?

    As I looked out the window, in studious thought
    The pasture was crossed by an old bull I’d bought
    To increase my herd and service my cows.
    Well now THAT caused the fog to lift off my brow!

    So if you’re feeling all blue and a bit out of sorts
    From the fleecing you got from the Shepard so short
    If you bought some of his service and feel like a chump
    Things could have been worse; I call my bull “Hump”.

    PS: Marty the title of your post, “Cruise Missile or Scud”, backed up by the subject matter had me chuckling all day–thanks!

  2. martyrathbun09

    Cowboy, Thanks for this beauty. I think a web page with a collection of your verse along with illustrations would serve as a heck of a refuge for folks.

  3. Fellow Traveller

    I love Sarge telling stories from his position and point of view. They are his stories. Sort of cliff hangers they are too.

    Thanks so much for this installment, Sarge.

  4. Thanks Sarge, I always imagine from your words what it was like, I’ d have said the same to the Old man just as you did.

  5. This story is good. And thank you Marty for keeping this blog positive and pro-LRH. You are doing this well.

  6. Cowboy Poet, you are undeniably an artistic genius, in the best American tradition. I would buy a book of your poetry and make time to sit out under a tree and read it on a spring day.

  7. That would be fun but I can’t draw worth a damn.
    Any volunteers out there?

  8. martyrathbun09

    Off the top of my head, there is Dan Koon and Kathy Braceland.

  9. But Sarge…

    What about the sec checks? What about the RPF? What, no PIs? You just let them walk out with bags in their hands????

    DM would never have the guts to make current staff the same offer…those that want to leave can…he knows there would be a huge exodus if he did.

  10. martyrathbun09

    Karen, you are damn right.

  11. Lunamoth,
    And I’d join you as long as it wasn’t in the same pasture as the bull.

  12. Thanks Sarge,

    Very turbulent times back then.

    I’m glad you stuck it out!


    I totally agree with your preamble. If people want to do nothing but natter about the Ol’man there are plenty of places for them to go.

    As far as I’m concerned aside from having overts of their own. They are witting or unwitting agents of Miscavige and his “friends”.

  13. Sarge
    Love your stories so very much. Thank you and keep ’em coming.

  14. one of those who see

    Sarge, Great Story! It is such a treat to hear from someone who was right there with the old man.
    Cowboy Poet – Fantastic! – “Things could have been worse; I call my bull “Hump”. still laughing. Say hi to “Hump” for me.

  15. Cowboy, You are a stud!

  16. I’d like to appologize that this little story was
    so brief. I was told by a good friend ‘its a little
    thin isn’t it Sarge’. All I had. Sorry but I avoided
    most of ‘Cine’ because we had a hero camera
    ‘boy’ there to save the day. Things got a little
    difficult after a while and unless you like engrams, it was not the place to be. I’m good
    at gittin’.

  17. And Idle Org, too, re illustrating.

  18. Great story Sarge. Thanks.

    You have any of your art laying around? Between your landscapes and Cowboys Poetry we might have a real power team going here….

  19. Concerned Citizen

    Thank you Serge,

    I love these stories; I always look forward to them. Something of interest to all of us who actually find this information to be very important, since anyone who did not personally knew him is left with the mostly critical natter or inflated overzealous information that is available.

    It is hard to make up your mind about the man if you have never received the benefit of the tech and have only the, “he was perfect like a god” or He was the devil incarnate versions.

    I truly enjoy getting truly acquainted with the real man, faults, flaws and all. I love him even more because I know he truly is real and authentic.

    Just by the by, I just read one of the best articles ever published so far, it is on under the title “Data and Situation Analysis”. I just want to add as a comment the fact that the OEC Vol O is called BASIC STAFF HAT. for people to be ordered not to do it is as suppressive as it gets.

    But why get real LRH Policy? you have the New Era of Management with all of David Miscavige propaganda.

    Comrades, that is all you need to know, dear leader is infallible and the sole guarantor to our survival, trust blindly in him, believe in him and you will be saved!! Sounds familiar…oh yea, remember that eating from the tree of knowledge is a sin, do not seek to know anything.
    (I mean no disrespect to other belief systems, I’m just trying to illustrate the megalomania this man is clearly suffering from)

    have one comment to add to it

  20. To my critics: I am not making things up. All
    I write really happened. Sugar coat? Yes. Its
    what I remember about LRH. If LRH yelled
    at you and made you feel bad. Sorry. He always
    treated me with respect and yes I was treated
    differently than others. I became untouchable.
    Drove DM crazy. DM and I didn’t get along.
    One time I dropped off the BE manuscripts
    at ASI in LA. and while sitting in DM’s office,
    (he was pacing up and down and yelling obscenities on the intercom) DM got up, pointed a boney finger at me and yelled “Sarge,
    you have Power! Use it, or lose it!” I had no

  21. LOL!

    Yeah, had enough “Bull,” thank you. I’m movin’ on!

  22. I was recently informed by way of someone who I consider to be a reliable source that Rex Fowler was the unlucky recipient of 22 intensives of sec checks before he was allowed back on the level last summer.
    Holy Mother of God!
    I am not making less of the tradegy, including two men’s children not ever seeing their fathers again, but after that amount of belaboring insanity he should have fired the weapon right up his ass–it would have hit his head much sooner than the way he did it!
    This excerpt from a lecture called The Anatomy of Havingness is an example of the converse direction that people seeking betterment should be taken when their well being is of a higher import than the almighty dollar:

    “So havingness is just as important as it’s ever been, but nobody could have told you. And there was unfortunately nobody around to tell me, as usual, what this thing ‘havingness’ was all about.

    “It’s kind of obvious, you know. You could have something and you could not have something, and after you’ve lost something, you can’t have it and so on. But why did cases respond so badly when their havingness was reduced?

    “Now, rough auditing, actually, reduces havingness by introducing separateness. The world at large as the time stream goes tearing along gets many people in the frame of mind of loss, loss, loss, loss, loss. It isn’t one o’clock, two o’clock, three o’clock, four o’clock. It’s loss, loss, loss. Every time another minute goes by, they’ve lost something. They’ve lost the whole universe. They get to looking on it on the negative side, see. They don’t ever realize that they have a new universe.

    “I straightened out a case one time with experimental procedure—very famous person by the way.

    “I said, ‘Close your eyes. Okay.’ ‘Now open them up and find a brand-new world. Thank you.’ ‘Now, close your eyes. Good.’ ‘Open them up and find a brand-new world.’

    “And I just kept this up for about a half an hour. The case shifted all over the place. Ran into the case two or three years later, it had considerable auditing in the meantime and had made gains and all of that sort of thing. It was still saying, ‘That was the most wonderful process I ever had in my life!’ It was just reversing this time cycle, you see?

    “Instead of every successive second the person feels he’s lost the whole universe, I made him in every successive second find he had found one.

    “Of course, you have to have a high level of trust and confidence that the universe is going to arrive with that next minute.

    “And cases that have great difficulty can’t actually believe that there is any future. And when they believe there’s no future, that means they’re not going to get anything, that means they have to hold desperately on to everything they’ve got. And it balls their time track up because they’re holding on to the facsimiles which represented yesterday’s universe. Because there won’t ever be a tomorrow universe. I see a few chests sighing here. Is that right?”

  23. Carol Kramer

    Yo Cowboy you be the best poet ever! You can truly nail it!


  24. I nominate Kathy. I’m more of a painter and I’ve pointed myself down the long, lonely road of abstraction. I’ve got a feeling there may be something down here for me and, hopefully, others too.

    But, hey, Idle Org shows a flair with a pen. There’s also Little Bear Victor who is a pro’s pro.

    Then again, Cowboy Poet paints his own pictures on the insides of our skulls.

  25. Sarge,
    I get the distinct idea that there was an abundance of adventure with LRH. I love the matter of fact way you relay these. It allows me to fill in and be a part of them. Thanks!

  26. The wife onley was concerned about getting a certain briefcase.

  27. Dear Sarge, I can’t thank you enough for sharing your experiences. I’m moved to read this, and I’m not even sure why, I’m moved to tears.

    They’re not grief tears but a blend of joy and pathos and admiration and understanding that the most numinous things happen in the most mundane, effort-filled days.

    And to think of your good hearted, loyal service. And to think of LRH, the human being, who carried on with creation and research that 50 individuals would be want to do in one lifetime. Despite a body, despite PTPs, despite the usual degradations that come part and parcel with being human…the numinous, the divine is reached. In every cognition, in every work of beauty, in every act of endurance toward goals, in every act of loyalty … the daily grind translates to the divine.

    Not to mention that it’s living history of the creation of one of the valuable roadmaps left for humankind.

    And then there’s how much you love LRH.

    well…all of that and more

    Sarge, thank you so much. I love you with all I am and that’s forever.

  28. I see he was allready obsessing about power.

    Now adays he has the power to hide.

  29. Sarge,

    I detected that underlying current of discontent was caused by someone. Such as the lil’ agent of influence and Chaos, we’ve all come to despise of diminutive stature but grandiose ambition.

  30. And this part really gets me heart&soul:

    ‘Well, are you leaving too?’ I looked him in the eyes and said ‘No, Sir! I’m staying!’

    I could tell he was not well, but he said ‘Good!’

  31. Sarge, I would love to have you on the KSW Radio show. I am sure it would be a great time to be had by all. 🙂

  32. Thanks Marty for keeping this space decontaminated of LRH natter. Because of that this blog has a gathering of some very cool charaters.

    Again Thanks

  33. Sarge,

    You say you are an artist and can mix colors, but you also create some very nice word scapes.


  34. Veritas, Your comments always move me.
    Thank you. Already said it but I love you too.

  35. one of those who see

    Cowboy Poet, thanks for the quote from that lecture. I’ve never listened to that one before.

    The man who writes a process -“I said, ‘Close your eyes. Okay.’ ‘Now open them up and find a brand-new world. Thank you.’ ‘Now, close your eyes. Good.’ ‘Open them up and find a brand-new world.’ That man – LRH, is a beautiful being.

  36. Hey Sargio, I didn’t say it was THAT thin! You are making me feel guilty!

    I know you have plenty more coming and can’t wait to hear all about it.

    (To hell with the naysayers. Those with “other fish to fry” usually got on the wrong side of LRH, and understandably so!)

    Love, Ted

  37. one of those who see

    Sarge, Love that you are writing the stories as you saw them, from your view point. Honest and simple. Wonderful.

  38. Sorry Jim. My mind doesn’t seem to work too good after reading Veritas’ comments.
    Yes, I’m not finished yet with the adventures with LRH. He loved capers and I was good at pulling them off.

  39. Watching Eyes

    re Sarg sugar-coating his stories:

    I think this is a tone level thing. There are those people who only respond to negative, entheta comm. Others prefer more uptone communications.

    Sarge’s stories are written from his viewpoint. He can hardly add in entheta just to appease someone’s desire for negative comm. Anyone who would accuse Sarg of sugar-coating his stories obviously prefers more entheta.

    Sarg, I find your stories a welcome break from the “news of the day”. We all want the current news but the story breaks are a good thing. Keep writing and on the days when they’re posted let the naysayers go watch the tv news for their dose of doom & gloom.

  40. Ted, Please don’t feel guilty. I felt bad about
    pushing you guys. Believe me I know how hard
    it is to get the time track straightened out. Its
    been a while. Miss our coms. Love you bud, Sargio

  41. Sarge buddy, I know what you mean on Veritas’ writing…what an aesthetic!

    What a world of image created by the words on this blog.

  42. Ted, You’re feeling guilty? I haven’t written a goddam thing about the Cine days or Qual WHQ. Sarge makes me feel like a criminal for withholding vital information.

  43. Cool Sarge, you have dm stories too! I love the LRH stories, but get a certain guilty pleasure of hearing the dm stories….somewhere in them all are things I can use to set my mind straight.


  44. Sarge,

    If this account you shared only contained this:

    “‘Well, are you leaving too?’ I looked him in the eyes and said ‘No, Sir! I’m staying!’

    it would have said a book.

    Your story has nourished, comforted, inspired and warmed me all day.

    I returned to a lot of aspects and qualities your account conveys, both about you and about LRH. One of the things I found myself reflecting on about your story is the demonstration of a quality that I regard laudable and fundamental of LRH — it’s sort of quintessential LRH IMHO, and that is:
    how he just jumped right to creating what he envisioned. Not only did he jump to it (I would guess constantly exceeding his own expectation of himself), he expected no less of others around him.

    Is that not one of the most beautiful gifts to give another human being?! The personal regard and respect that expects nothing less than infinite potential!?

    That’s one of the reasons I love LRH. That one quality would be enough for me to be a loyal forever friend to someone — and he had so many more.

    I kept thinking about your story all day! your experience, in this case, of just whipping out that board and your paints, and exceeding what you even expected you could do. I cherish this first hand description of how LRH worked. He wanted something done? Do it. He envisioned something? Do it. Make it. A studio? Create it. A window back drop? Make it.

    It’s a real friend in my book who considers it an overt to “settle” for some limitation of mine. 🙂

    LRH did not compromise on our excellence. How stellar is that?


    But even the culmination of your story would alone have sufficed to make it the treasured gem it is. It’s poignant that LRH had worked and driven himself, and was not well — and that some around him couldn’t take the pace and he invited anyone who wanted to leave to do so. But he was aglow in his fervor, in his dream, in his genius.

    …And anyone who’s ever had a dream can relate to that— to being afire with a vision and looking around to see deserters … and who wants to be alone?

    …and there he was, the man and the genius (root of the word, of genius —> spirit! guardian spirit): determined, intent, uncompromising no matter what — but I can imagine what was in his heart when he heard your answer, Sarge.

    As he watched some people packing and he looked at you … and said …
    when he turned to you:

    “‘Well, are you leaving too?’ I looked him in the eyes and said ‘No, Sir! I’m staying!’

    Sarge! I could find harbor from the storm on this part of your story alone for months. No, for lifetimes.

    Thank you again. And I could go on!!

  45. Exactly, they are HIS stories.
    This is the internet, anyone with a complaint can write their own.

    Thanks Sarge, I love the stories.

  46. Sarge and Jim,
    this was a happy unexpected surprise, thank you for letting me know my communication arrived!

    I just call it as I see it …

    If the thetabeauty resonates, you’re wearing it:-)

    Sarge *lol* ( a mind is a good thing to bypass on occasion:-)

  47. I’ve wondered HOW was it to be around LRH those days?
    Did it feel like he was “2 megawatt OT” (and other descriptions)?
    Did someone personally sense it?

    I’m asking because I’ve sensed it being around some OTs and it was calming, “own-space-expanded” type of experience. Very pleasant feelings. And I mean, even without having conversation…

  48. Freedom Fighter

    Thanks, Sarge, for sharing yet another glimpse into your experiences with LRH. There’s quite a lot of insight contained in each of your stories, IMO, no matter how short. Each one is like a piece of a larger puzzle. Each piece brings the reader that much closer to seeing the entire picture of one man’s life spent in service to his hero. Your stories, along with the stories of others, will help us piece together the truth of what has happened to our religion. I look forward to your next one.

  49. Sarge,

    To always be treated that way by LRH means you must be quite an amazing person, just as Marty said. 🙂

  50. Cowboy Poet,

    Yikes — 22 intensives of sec checks and then he kills a man and shoots himself. That’s heavy!

    Talk about reduced havingness. Talk about a guy who can’t have any future. Talk about reverse Scientology!

    Someone should do some real investigative journalism and write a book on this case. It’s a good example of what the C of M has become, and such a book would make this very clear.

  51. Sarge,

    I always love your stories. It’s refreshing to have someone write who only had good experiences with LRH. Write up as much as you can — all this good stuff is certainly needed with so much negative stuff running around out there!

  52. Dear Sarge,

    I admire you for all the truth you are sharing with the group. Thank you for being there and communicating.
    You are loving, honest, passionate and extremely loyal to LRH and his legacy. It is always a pleasure reading your pure communication.
    Thank you!!!!!

    Thank you Marty for all you are doing!!!!

    Much Love

  53. I’m not an LRH supporter, but I find Sarge story very interesting and factual. LRH does not come off as the super hyped “Perfect Supernatural OT Source of All” that the Church promotes and I dislike, but as a human being with his successes and failures, more close to everyone of us. My dislike for LRH, in big part, comes from the lies Co$ has told to hype him, and the criminal acts Co$ has done in his name, eg. “You must disconnect from your SP daughter because that’s what LRH said!”

    So, thanks Sarge for bringing back LRH to an human being level, ARC is increasing.

  54. Thank you Sarge. Wonderful story which I must say tugged at my heart all day; knowing how very human LRH was, how saddened he must have felt to see so many of the people he helped, trained and cared for — just pack up and leave.

    That has to hurt. But unlike the man who have attempted to replace him — he never barred the way to those who wished to leave. And he wished them well.

    One of my favorite stories, told by my friend who was on the Apollo and later in Daytona was during a session I think of ExDN briefing by LRH — he had gotten upset with her one day … the next day, he looked at her, smiled and said — I was upset with you yesterday but I can’t imagine why. She melted.


  55. Shorty a Shepard? The thought
    Makes me clinch my fist
    I always reckoned he was more like
    Lombar Hisst.

  56. Veritas, Reminds me of something ‘Ram Dass’
    said to a women who was complaining non-stop.
    She said ” I’m going out of my mind. ”
    Ram Dass’s reply was ” You should be so Lucky!”

  57. Mike Lemeron

    I remember that day. I was in charge of Security back then and I didn’t know what was going on because I had been on night watch when people were told to leave if they wanted. I just came upon a line of about a dozen people and I believe I was told to sign off their routing forms from my security hat. No, they weren’t sec checked or humiliated or threatened in any way. They just packed their gear and did a very brief routing form that mostly was signed off while they waited in line. Then they went their way down the road in their car or motorcycle. After that it was just another day – business as usual.

  58. TheEmperorIsNaked

    Hero camera boy. Sarge gittin’. LRH looked sick at the end. Staff leaving.

    Just sorta makes you go ‘hmmmmm’ doesn’t it.

  59. Theo Sismanides

    Sarge thank you for the new story! You have your own ways Sarge and that is it! You had your way with LRH and life and the rest of us. You are not pretending to be, you are who you are. And not everybody is up to being next to LRH all the time.

    Your stories though are just perfect as they fill in that era with, yes, why not, sugar coated stuff, since that’s what Scientology is all about. There is, actually there was, something sweet about it and that’s why we are all into this.

    The Old Man was passing through and in passing through he did many, many, many good things. I think you are relaying some of those and I want to thank you for being full of color in your writings as you did on that backdrop. You are a Rembrandt for us, too as you can paint pretty good in colorful, simple stories, too about the Old Man. That’s a nice LRH portrait by the way you are painting here! Thanks man!

  60. Forest Gump is right.

  61. Sarge thank you for your words.

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