by Mike Rinder
Here is the latest twist on sucking blood out of stones.
Once you have turned over any available money and have borrowed to your credit card limit and taken out your second or third mortgage, cashed in your life insurance policy and sold your future rights to an inheritance, there is something more EVERYONE can give in order to raise their status.
Here is the newest email from Orange County Pawn Shop Fundraisers:
From: Orange County [mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org]
Sent: Monday, January 17, 2011 10:36 PM
Subject: Would You Like To Participate In The Ebay Game?
HERE’S A WAY TO HELP ORANGE COUNTY ACHIEVE IDEAL ORG STATUS WITH LITTLE EFFORT AND VERY LITTLE TIME!
The eBay game is a way for as many people as possible to help with fundraising to complete the Ideal Org building in Orange County, in a way that requires very little effort. Almost everyone has something around their house or apartment which could be sold on eBay for some value. Jewelry, collectibles, antiques, novelty items, old baseball cards, old comic books, musical equipment… you get the idea.
Turn that useless Matter into productive Energy to help us all reach the goal! It’s simple – just bring any items you wish to donate to any of the Fundraiser I/C’s at the Org. We will then arrange to have them placed for sale on eBay (or Craig’s List). You will then be credited for the amount sold, toward your Ideal Org donation status.
What could be easier?
Larger items can also be donated, such as boats, furniture, appliances, and the like. For items that are too large to be brought in to the org, let us know and we will make arrangements for larger size donations.
If you are interested in helping get the smaller flows going so the bigger ones can happen, just answer this email letting us know and you answer will be forwarded to the right terminal who will contact you directly !
Yvonne, Marty and Marie
Next up on the Vulture Culture agenda, once all personal possessions, teeth fillings and hair are sold off:
BLOOD, SWEAT AND TEARS
You know the old saying, we achieve our goals with blood, sweat and tears. Well, have we got news for you. Your sweat and tears may be spilled in great volume, but they’re not going to get you to that next all-important status. BUT, your blood can. We have made a special arrangement with Plasma Corp of America. Just go to any of their locations and tell them you are humanitarian contributor to the Church of Scientology, and they will credit 75%of your blood donation to your status account. Join us in the greatest blood drive ever. Now your blood has real meaning to the greatest game on earth.
THE ULTIMATE STATUS
We know you can’t give blood every day. Your body needs a little time to replenish itself. But don’t worry, we have you covered. We are in negotiation with a medical group in India. They will pay good money towards YOUR STATUS for your kidneys. You don’t need both kidneys and you can donate one to a REAL valuable cause – our building. And if you only have one kidney, you can donate skin, eyes, teeth and many other sorts of tissue you may never have thought of. You can demonstrate your dedication to the most important game on earth with the ultimate sacrifice for the ultimate STATUS – humanitarian sacrificial lamb. Remember, you are NOT a body – but it sure can help you achieve your next status. And don’t forget, that status will carry you into eternity in better shape than you have ever been.
And finally, not ready to be named an official status booster program yet, but on the line-up for 2011, once we sort out some legal points: Mothers, wives and daughters, a special game just for you. It’s a time proven method of making money. One of the oldest known to man…
Stay tuned – we are out of ideas right now, but we never stop thinking of way for YOU to achieve your status.
10 years ago who would have believed orgs would be engaged in raffles, Top Gun nights, bingo and begging for money?
You are watching the Church of Scientology destroy itself.