Let’s Say…

Let’s say:

You find out your husband has inoperable cancer and must go through months of chemotherapy and radiation.

Let’s say:

Your husband takes full responsibility for his physical condition and directs his own course of medical treatment with the spiritual aspect being assisted by an assigned auditor and CS.

Let’s say:

After months of medical and spiritual treatment, you find out in the public venue that your husband “isn’t expected to live.”

Let’s say:

You again find out in the public venue that your husband did it wrong in his handling of the financial exchange for helping LRH.

Let’s say:

You are told about documents that exist regarding the financial exchange for taking care of LRH – not by your husband – but in the public venue and verified by an executive at ASI.

Let’s say:

You know the data is false because you were present at the meeting when the exchange was set up.

Let’s say:

At no time were you ever consulted regarding the correct data which thus prolonged the false data and resulted in trouble for twenty plus years.

Let’s say:

When your husband eventually departs – in a fully cognizant condition – you are shunned by former friends and are escorted out of the organization where you have worked for the last four years.

Let’s say:

You are then contacted by the IAS Reg who thinks you should take out a home equity loan to raise your status in the IAS because COB has “a really big situation.”

Let’s say:

You “see where this is going” and decide that there’s a great deal of counter- and other-intention in your current environment, some lasting as long as twenty plus years.

Let’s say:

You decide to take matters into your own hands and relocate to a far friendlier environment.

Let’s say:

You put others in charge of the hats your husband no longer wears as well as the hats you have not been allowed to wear and new hats you refuse to wear.

Let’s say:

Even after relocating you are called, dropped in upon, sent books off account and regged by telephone; in other words, caused trouble by those who think you should be doing anything other than what you already are doing.

Let’s say:

You discover a new venue which is far more compassionate and caring than that which you have left behind, and into which you now can communicate.

Let’s say:  Hallelujah!

My name is Rachel Denk. Dr. Denk introduced me to Scientology in the early seventies and we were married in the Seattle Org.

Dr. Denk departed this life on November 5, 2004. In later 2005, I relocated to Spokane WA, the city where I was raised and still have family. Dr. Denk was born and raised in Omak WA and still has family living there.

In closing, I deeply miss my husband of thirty years and the life we shared. But I lost far too much at one time at the hands of organized Scientology and, stated very simply, had to operate independently out of respect for both Dr. Denk and LRH. This is my statement.

334 responses to “Let’s Say…

  1. martyrathbun09

    Rachel, I miss Gene too. But I gotta tell you, I’m sensing his trademark ironic grin right about now. Thank you for sharing this. Thank you for everything you have done and continue to do for others.

  2. Jesus wept. Buddha sobbed. I cry.

    The evil this DM has foisted upon the multitude of folks of good will is quite something to confront.

    Rachel, thank you for opening your heart and sharing with strangers such as myself. I am in awe of your courage and spiritual resilience and fortitude.

    Bruce Pratt

  3. barneyrubble


    Having known you and Gene as a patient, I find because of your post to be one of the most powerful declaration in the history of Mankind. I am serious. RIP Gene.

  4. Gene was a great help to me many years ago and I know he was a compassionate and caring person.

    Let’s say Hallelujah for the fact that you are now free to communicate
    and enjoy the freedom that exists out here in the independent field.

    Welcome to a new life.

  5. Cured Robot

    I cry.

  6. -So glad you are doing well! You probably don’t remember me, but I was on staff at LA Day ’79-’82 when you were the HAS (I think). I still have fond memories of your kindness and wisdom towards a young and stupid newbie Scn!

  7. Welcome Rachel. My condolences for the loss of your husband, whom I had the privilege to see in action as a doctor. He was kind, affable, and competent. My condolences also on the loss and disappointment from what you believed was your church. Congratulations and Hallelujah on sorting it out. Wishing you true friendship … and celebrating the certainty that, when through it, what is forever is theta and love.

  8. Rachel, how wonderful to see your beautiful face again.

    I was very sorry to hear of Gene’s passing. I was his and Megan’s patient for years at Shaw when I lived in L.A. They were both wonderful doctors and friends to me.

    Welcome to this blog. Please share more if you would like to do so on the topics you have raised. They are incredibly important to clarify.

    Just Me

  9. Hi Rachel, Congratulations on staying strong! I wish you lots of happiness ahead!


  10. Wonderful news…just wonderful!

    I saw Dr. Denk a few times, and he was always good for a laugh and a quick remark that would make you smile. I hope he is doing well, wherever he may be.

    Welcome, Rachel. I am so glad you are with us and with LRH. I hope you will share your future wins with us.

    Now, let’s see who is joining us next!


  11. Dear Rachel,
    Welcome! This is a happy day.
    I feel like you both are here with us.
    Gene was such a good man and a good friend.
    I felt like I’ve reconnected with both of you today.

  12. Yes, Marty, I can just see Gene grinning down at me saying, “Jeez, Dear, you still can’t get our wedding anniversary right?” I actually think I got into Scn in 1974 and we were married in 1975.

    Thanks for all you do! My life has changed remarkably over these last (six?) months since we have been in comm. H

  13. Friend of Ron


    Thanks for being there,
    for caring,
    for supporting your husband,
    who helped LRH so much
    and for SHARING.

    There are real saints on this blog, as evidenced by their life, their deeds and the effects they create. No doubt you are one of them.

  14. plainoldthetan

    During the period I was training and auditing and receiving auditing on the Pac Base, Dr. Denk was my personal physician for the few times I needed one.

    He was genuine, direct, a good Scientologist, and an insightful and gentle physician.

    I took a loss when I found he had passed.

    But I am torqued to find that his passing was leveraged by Scientology Inc. to harm his legacy and sponge off his family.

    Thanks for telling us.

  15. martyrathbun09

    Mine too.

  16. Rachel,

    Dr. Denk was such a wonderful man. I remember seeing him as a little girl and having him tell me in his deep, but gentle voice: “Congratulations, you have the common cold,” or whatever it was at the time. He was so lighthearted and funny and made things like being sick, so insignificant and thereby granted the person so much beingness to overcome it. 🙂 I loved him so much. My entire family loved him.

    Thank you for being here with us and speaking out. I can sense that you have the same beautiful compassion that your husband had.

    Lots of love,

  17. Thanks for speaking out, Rachel.

    We probably never crossed paths in Seattle, as I got in in ’89.

    Today, I just learned, via my father, that I’ve officially been declared. No Comm Ev. No Goldenrod sent in advance. Nothing.

    I thought I’d be a wee-bit upset but I’m very glad to learn that I feel more powerful.

    And so, thank you for speaking out! Today, I am in the mood for independence.

    Idle Org no more…

  18. mark mckinstry


    Thanks so much for your statement… and welcome.

    I remember the work you did to help new writers and have always regarded you as a Scientologist in the fullest sense of the word.

    Dr. Denk was the best. Such a calming influence. And the smile Marty describes.

    All the best to you… hope to see you in July.

  19. Hallelujah Rachel!!!

    I remember you from the old Shaw Health Clinic days!

    Your husband was a caring and kind physician and I miss him too.

    I am so glad that you are here with us now.

    As Bogie says

    “Here’s looking at you kid.”




  20. theystolemychurch

    H~ respect!

  21. Dear Rachael,

    Thank you so much for sharing this.
    Gene was an exceptional Doctor. Over the years at Shaw Health Center when Debbie Segota was his nurse, he was such a stable terminal for all in the Sea Org. I was so very sorry to hear of his leaving us and offer you belatedly my deep condolences.

    What a great write up and with such style and suspense….super warm welcome.

  22. I send you warm wishes of a life that is filled with happiness sufficient to over shadow the wrongs that were done by those persons pretending to apply LRH Tech.

  23. Rachel,

    Thank you.

    I know you have been around on this blog for a while, but welcome as Rachel.

    I knew and loved Gene, both as my doctor and as LRH’s personal physician. Though we haven’t met (that I recall), I am aware of the sacrifices you made to support Gene being with LRH. For that you deserve tremendous thanks.

    I hope you can make it to the July 4th gathering — I would very much enjoy seeing you in the flesh as I feel I already know you in the blogosphere.

    I hope your life is filled with happiness.

  24. I never met Dr.Denk, but I know people who knew him and loved him and were sad over his passing. I am very sorry for your loss.

  25. Tony DePhillips

    Hi Rachel,
    Welcome to the Indie’s.
    It’s nice to have you as a team mate.
    Sorry for your loss and I am happy for your future!!

  26. B U — Congratulations you “overnight SP” 🙂 (if you missed it, Karen #1’s comment on “overnight SPs” in the last post was a classic).

  27. P.S. BTW, that was one helluva “scroll down” effect you created there in your post. Really good job. I bet Dear Leader got a real charge when your name rolled up on the screen. 🙂

  28. Dear Rachel,
    I was dumbstruck when I saw your name. I couldn’t be happier.
    I have thought about you and Gene over the years, usually on a sunny day on a golf course, and tho I wasn’t in LA for Gene’s memorial, I’ve often wished I’d had the chance to pay my condolences. He is missed.
    “Fairways and Greens” right?

    I’m assuming the Great Northwest will claim you as a “stat” in the little competition going on V. Texas, but I’m personally gonna put you on the SoCal team. (I think they need a little moral support down there don’t you?)

    All the best Rachel.

  29. Pissed Wizard

    Sorry for your loss, I’m afraid I’ve not had the pleasure of meeting you or you husband.
    The only thing I’d like to say is:
    Welcome back.

  30. I met Gene in 2003. The most obvious thing about him was his kind, calm and compassionate beingness. That, plus having helped LRH, would definitely have put him in the cross hairs of Tiny Mite’s hate cannon.

  31. Congrats, Bryan! Ya got yer Badge of Honor! If the org won’t give you a copy, maybe we’ll have to fix one up for you the way Vicki and Richard did theirs! Still laughing over that one!

  32. Tony DePhillips

    Sorry David.
    Rachel you got the East side ok??

  33. Very nice to meet you, Rachel. I’m so glad you’re here. Love your posts and look forward to meeting you one day!

  34. Oh, no you don’t, we’re gonna rally for this gal to be counted up here!
    How’s that for fun Rachel, you’re being fought over! But no, you are not a stat. You are a living, breathing, full of fire person we all hope to see at social gatherings and such. Let us know what we can do to entice you!

  35. Rachel, I never met Gene in person but knew him in spirit. He is missed and so well remembered. I am sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing the beautiful picture of you, Gene and the beautiful dogs. I wish for you a beautiful life.

  36. Welcome Rachel! It is quite a honor to read your post here and know that you are OK. I never had the pleasure of meeting your husband (being on the east coast) but even here he was respected and thought highly of in the org. It is my hope that we honor the highest and best of all who served LRH with dedication and integrity, and I look forward to hearing more of your (and his) story as circumstances allow, if you are so inclined. Oh, and thanks for your dedication and support. It is said that behind every great man is a great woman, and I just know this rings true in this instance. Be well…
    – Tom F

  37. Sapere Aude

    Your story made my eyes tear. My condolences on your losses. I have enjoyed your input into this blog. I too find this a safe place to communicate. I thank you for all you have done. I knew Dr. Denk and his true intentions to help others. Your life is before you. Remember the good and enjoy the current. I am currently at a loss of what to say – thank you for your honesty, your valor and your integrity. It means so much to so many who have yet to fully come out of the shadows.

    You fit this epithet that I chose to describe all Independent Scientologists:
    Rise, and Rise Again;
    Until Lambs Become Lions.

    Enjoy the spring in a wonderful part of the country!

  38. Rachel, thank you and welcome.

    I cried, actually did. I rever realized how much I miss Gene. He was my doctor, my wifes and my kids doctor.

    I remember after I had a heart attack and was getting chealation therapy at Shaw and I used to roll my IV bag outside and Gene and I would sit out there and smoke cigarettes and then Gene would join me and we would smoke and laugh our asses off. Then Megan Shields used to come out and yell at us for smoking.

    Gene told me of his days with LRH and how he learned from LRH that all doctors had service facs. I asked him if he had his ser facs shoved up his ass for him. Gene said “With a hot poker”. We laughed until we had tears in our eyes.

    Good that you are with us. Thank you.

    ML Tom

  39. Hi Rachel and a very big welcome!!!! So happy to have you here with us!!! I’m very sorry for your loss. Thanks for having the COURAGE to speak out the truth!!!
    :-). Lori

  40. Gary Morehead - a.k.a Jackson


    You I am pretty sure do not remember me but I sure remember you and Dr. Denk. For some reason I called him Dr. Geno because I liked it better. He was Dr. Geno to me.

    I was young and fondly remember getting sent over to Shaw to see him. Loved it every time. His warm smile and competence are the things I remember most. Also, the typical young man’s visit to the Doc included a lolli from him. I always wished I could of stayed longer

    Thank you for all you and Gene have done to serve mankind!

    I thank you for “Moving on up a little higher” with the rest of us.

    — Jackson

  41. This is my first post.

    I didn’t want to miss this opportunity to say how much I respected Dr. Denk in the 15 years or so that he was my doctor. I still think of him often and his smile and remember so many of the things he said to me. He would always make me smile or laugh. His medical handlings with me were always perfect.

    Nice to see you Rachel. I’m happy you are well.

    And thanks Marty for all you’ve communicated. I’ve read most of your blog postings.

    U Dog

  42. Freetothink

    Big hugs from Seattle for you Rachel! Hope to meet you real soon 🙂


  43. Pingback: Let’s Say… (via Moving On Up a Little Higher) « My LRH

  44. Hello,
    Well I miss Dr. Denk too. He was my doctor when I was at PAC. He was soooo funny and sooooo caring….. great man.

  45. Sorry for your loss, beautiful woman! I’m happy, though, that you have run away from the suppression! Live long and prosper!

  46. Kathy Braceland

    Hi Rachel. It’s so nice to meet you and I’m glad you’re here with us. Here’s a big, warm WELCOME!

  47. theo Sismanides

    Hi Rachel, your full of ARC communication touched me deeply this morning. We are keeping the flame alive. You did it this morning for me. I am glad you are here with us.

  48. Scott Campbell


    Sounds like Gene.

    Sounds like Megan.

    Sounds like fun.

    My condolences for your loss of Gene for a brief time in this life Rachel. My congratulations for your gain in openly becoming an Independent Scientologist.

    Welcome to the New Community!

    L, Scott

  49. Hello Rachel. Thank you very much for speaking out. I wish you the best.

  50. Hi Rachel,
    Welcome to the other side! Glad to have you here in the Northwest!
    -Vicki Palmer

  51. scilonschools

    Hi Rachel, pardon the pun, but ‘Hat’s Off’ to to for your strength and courage.
    Marriage is a difficult thing, and though it might not be foremost in most minds when choosing a ‘partner’ I feel there is a thought “Would this person be able to look after ther family and take care of themselves if something happened to me?”
    I don’t think anyone reading your statement could fail to see you have past that test!!

  52. Congratulations Bryan, and well done!

  53. Hi Rachel.
    Been following your posts as H with enjoyment.
    Thank you for sharing your very personal story – please accept my sincerest condolences for your loss.
    Welcome to the sunshine and ‘Halleluja!’

  54. Hello Rachel: I must admit to shedding a few tears over your story. I adored Gene as my Dr. and the Dr. for my step-kids. If they were sick when they were with their dad and I, it was always to Gene I would go — their mom seemed partial to Megan.

    BUT – I loved how Gene never forced anything on the kids. My step-son was terrified of needles and although I wanted him to get some vitamin shots since he seemed so pasty and urged Gene to just give him the shot — he wouldn’t.

    He was kind, knowledgable and very unflappable.

    No wonder you miss him.

    Thank you for coming forward. It means a great deal to all of us and to those who are reading this blog.


  55. Thanks Sam — I guess others might have cogged when Rachel said: Hallelujah but pas moi.

    You pointed it out with H and then Hallelujah!

    Love those posts from H and love that song


  56. Hello Rachel,
    Nice to call you by that name. Hallelujah, indeed.
    What a marvelous work of art as an introduction. Fitting the artist in life.
    More to come from such a wonderful creative being, I’m sure.

  57. Watching Eyes

    Hello Rachel. What a great coming out post. I wish we were neighbors.

  58. To All Who Have Commented So Far,

    In the 9-10 hours since my statement was posted, I have discovered more caring, compassion and duplication than during the last seven years.

    It actually got so bad during approx. 2006 to 2008 with call-in and drop-in folks from organized Scn, that I would actually say, “Do you know who my husband was?”

    This topic requires high confront and I have found it here. Thank you! H

  59. Thanks, Robin! Your comments have certainly kept me on my toes and I expect they will continue to do so in the future. I enjoy our community, especially since you are in it. H

  60. Bruce — What a wonderful concept you have relayed: “the multitude of folks of good will.” Yes, these are our friends and why we do what we do. As far as “courage and spiritual resilience and fortitude,” I expect each one of us would show these fine qualities if we were about to be “thrown under the bus.” I appreciate your heartfelt comment. H

  61. Rachel,
    Welcome! I’m glad that you are amongst friends, now. ml, Laura

  62. Thank you, barneyrubble! I believe there is now peace for Gene and you have helped reassure me of that. H

  63. David — You are exactly correct! I actually chose “Hallelujah” as a name when I discovered I could communicate with other like-minded souls and enjoy our newly-found freedom. I plan to retain the name for that very reason. Thank you! H

  64. Hi Mary Jane,

    Sorry, lots of randomity back in those days and I’m afraid your name eludes me. However, it looks as though you have become a wise Scn; I hope I helped in that transition. Love, H

  65. Rachel,

    I just want to share with you my one and only experience with meeting your husband. I was away from home in Los Angeles, training as a staff member. I had little money and was very scared and barely sleeping as a chiropractor had told me that I could have MS due to my strange symptoms. I went to Dr. Denk’s office where the staff people were not going to allow me to see him as I could not pay upfront. When Dr. Denk heard what was happening, he bypassed and brought me right in. After checking me over, he assured me that I did not have MS, gave me sone nutritional advice and absolutely would not allow me to be billed for anything. I can’t tell you what that meant to me at that time.

  66. Thank you, Veritas! Words to draw one through … “what is forever is theta and love.” So much appreciated. H

  67. Just Me — Thanks for your comments! I have to tell you, I started my statement several times over the last few months. But, each time it started turning into some sort of a “dissertation.” It actually worked out better just punching in the most major points and concluding it. Feel free to ask if you have any specific questions; I’ll do my best to respond succinctly. L, H

  68. Thanks, Amy! I read your book and it helped immensely. I look forward to meeting you. H

  69. Centurion — Thanks for this! Yes, one thing I truly miss is Gene’s humor. You might enjoy the following anecdote.

    As you probably know, Gene loved golf and practiced/played every chance he could get. We tried a computer golf game at home. It was the kind where you had to name your player. I must admit we weren’t very good with this kind of thing, so his golfer ended up being named “Default.”

    It always made me laugh when he’d say, “Go, Default, Go!” H

  70. Hello Trey! Indeed, this is a happy day of reconnection. You did so much for us over the years. Thank you for standing tall!! H

  71. scilonschools

    Teach and Love vs Control and Hate… Simple really

  72. Friend of Ron —

    Thank you for your warm and caring comment. Your name bespeaks your commitment. We do have a friend in a high place! L, H

  73. plainoldthetan — Thank you for caring! Rest assured that any leverage was not on Dr. Denk’s lines during his illness and I have come out the other end successfully enough to talk about it. H

  74. Thank you, Christie, for your warm anecdote about Dr. Denk. It’s this kind of thing that gets totally overlooked when someone freaks out about the death of a really good Scn. L, H

  75. I only saw the doc once but it was a very significant moment in my life. I will never forget him. I remember simply not understanding WHY he was being so kind to me and taking time that I thought he couldn’t spare. He was and is a wonderful thetan.
    I’ve enjoyed your posts here also… thank-you for sharing your story.
    Much love to you, Victoria

  76. Brian U. — No, we never met in Seattle. You followed in our footsteps (which may have been fading by 1989) as we left in 1975 to head to the LA area. Dr. Denk had finished training through Cl II at the time and wanted to ensure he could continue on the Bridge during his medical internship and residency.

    Thanks for all your help as Idle Org and, now, as Brian U. H

  77. Dearest beautiful Rachel,

    Gene was our family doctor. Oh, how we loved him. Adored his dry sense of humor and his incredible warmth. Our whole family was so saddened when we learned of his passing.

    Years ago, I was on the Briefing Course with you. I was pregnant at the time and you knitted me a pair of baby booties and presented them to me one day. I remember choking back tears. My immediate reaction was, “Now, THIS is how church members should be treating one another!” Your act of thoughtfulness always stuck in my mind. In fact, it meant so much to me — I kept those booties and I still have them with all my special keepsakes. You were such a wonderful, joyous presence. I’m glad you are doing well and I send you massive waves of hugs and kisses.


    (to refresh your memory on who I am: http://leavingscientology.wordpress.com/2010/05/16/two-more-out-craig-suzanne-houchin/)

  78. Rachel, thanks for sharing your story, and for reminding us of Dr. Denk. He’s the only doctor I ever thought of as my personal physician, and when I was on a medical plan that didn’t include Shaw I would still go to him and pay out of pocket. He never copped the altitude prevalent with so many doctors, where they are the expert and you’re not. Instead, he would take the time to make sure you understood what was going on with your body, and then would only give you the amount of medical intervention that was really necessary. The world needs more like him.

  79. Isn’t it just true that these seemingly small kindnesses mean so much more than all the fancy things money can buy? I am so glad we have that here.

  80. Yvonne Schick

    Thank you for your beautiful statement. My heart has been touched by both your story and the comments by others who have known you and your husband. I am grateful we have this venue for communication and understanding. Thank you for what you add to it with this posting and all of your others.

  81. Rachel,
    What an articulate introduction that brought me to tears. I can so relate to the egregious uncaring spirit that is the real baseline of Co$. It is always a ‘what have you do for us today’ viewpoint across the boards and that absolutely is not a caring spirit.

    It is strictly and only the $$$$, certainly no real sense of community and care of a church. The true colors all shine through in the face of a crisis and what you experienced was abominable, considering who your husband was and the ‘care’ he demonstrated to LRH for many, many years.

    But, we all receive it, so it is definitely a point of consistency within the church.

    I had extreme ARC for Dr. Denk and saw him on several occasions in 1997-1999. Extremely caring he was and the entire Shaw Center was a haven for those who desired real care because they could get it there and everyone knew it.

    I am so delighted that you are on the other side of this now, and there is only high create and true expansion to be experienced. I’m in Austin Texas, and it would be our pleasure to have you come visit us and let us show you our Texas love.

    I hope to meet you at the 4th of July party.

  82. Yes Mike, just read Karen’s post- brilliant and true: we went undetected as SPs for decades – then suddenly, overnight KAPOW! Here we are – full blown SPs!!! When I went to hand deliver a letter to the IAS Admin office at SH recently the security guy can clearly be heard saying “As far as I know you are declared SP”. Well not as far as I know! No Comm Ev, no policy application of any description! An overnight SP! Never mind the 5 years SO service, the hundred grand $ on services and donations etc etc.

  83. Summer Wind

    I was a patient of Dr. Denk’s (loved him) and I was on course with you when The Golden Age of Trash was shoved in our faces. I left shortly after that but I think we may have done a few drills together. So happy you’re around here. It’s also a big shot of theta for us all.

  84. Dear Rachel,

    I was thinking over how poorly you have been mistreated by ASI – as they basically stole hard earned money from Gene and therefore from you.

    IF you threatened to declare bankruptcy (and mean it) then they know that the records will be opened to public view.

    It could get some movement – although I know it could very well be past the statutes.

    None the less – why not try to fight back? This deplorable behavior must be not just brought to light but fought against.

    Heck — it’s not as if you are going to get double declared 🙂 — as you most likely are as of 5 hours ago … (just is dms way … isn’t workin’ too well though)


  85. Underdog,
    It’s nice to have you here! ml, Laura

  86. Rachel,

    What a pleasure it is to have you in our community of Independents. I never met Dr. Denk, but I had family that went to him and loved him. I would love to learn more about your and your husband’s story and do hope that you share it with us.

    I first remember seeing Dr. Denk’s name as the author of the Introduction to “All About Radiation” (1989 edition at least), and then in relation to some of the early published scientific studies of the Purif and sauna detox in the 1980s. I’ve always had such respect for your husband.

  87. Rachel,
    Reading your story and those of others puts a new perspective on Dr. Denk. Though my org was distant from LA, a number of trainees that went to ITO came back with very warm stories of being looked after Dr. Denk. Grateful’s story above is an example of the anecdotes I’ve heard. I can now only imagine the thousands of people he helped and it pains me to think of how he was treated by certain people in his group and also of what you later experienced. Fortunately we are now in an era and venue where we can heal and be happy again. Your voice is a significant and noticeable addition to this choir. So happy to hear it.

  88. Cured Robot —

    Yes, I cry too. Because, every morning when I wake up I’m still a widow with a radically changed lifestyle beyond my power of choice. I’m also a widow of the “system.” For years I have done mainly MEST work as it helps to raise my moral. And, when that moral comes up, many times I’m flooded with pleasurable memories. At the end of the day, I wouldn’t trade those memories for anything. Thank you for sharing … H

  89. Rachel,
    It’s great to see you out in the sunshine!

    I remember your helping me through my staff basics & HCO hat full time as SSO at LA Day in ’77 where we were on staff. You were pretty much my stable datum and sup & word clearer. This was right after the org moved into “big blue” and was the first org in operation.

    I met Gene when he came to La Quinta in Sept ’78 and became LRH’s doctor. I was LRH’s Chef and posted in the HU (Household Unit) at the time. This was during a period of time where LRH got very sick as his auditor was running him on Dianetics and he miraculously came around with his subsequent discovery of NOTs, as audited and assisted by David Mayo.

    Saw Gene in ’79 at Shaw to get OK to do the Purif, when it first came out. Last I saw him was at Creston in ’86. Really admire him for his calmness, staying in comm with you and his quiet humor, and had a big loss when I heard years later of his passing.

    It is complete travesty of your subsequent, ungrateful treatment by the Vulture Empire & now Cult, when your family has contributed so much and are upstats.

    A great big Hallelujah (“Praise Jah”) to you, my good friend!

  90. Thanks, Mark! Yes, my post of helping new writers was one of the best on the planet as it was so theta. Of course, Dr. Denk would have said his was the best post on the planet because he could really help people in his area of expertise. It’s an interesting phenomenon when you find out someone(s) think you didn’t do a good job. I’m glad we’re connected up! H

  91. theystolemychurch — Thank you and ditto! L, H

  92. Karen#1 — Thank you so much for this!

    You know, I’ve been following the blog for some months now . Every time you have posted a comment I wonder, “Does Karen#1 know Heber did Gene’s memorial service?” But, I couldn’t ever say anything about it as I was either lurking or under-the-radar. He did a fine, professional job, by the way.

    So, if you didn’t know before, you know now! L, H

  93. Aw shucks, thanks Mike! 🙂

  94. WOW, One who knows the truth. Thank you so much for this comment — I believe it is happening! L, H

  95. Hi Rachel.

    Sorry to hear of your husbands passing.
    I was briefly a patient of Dr. Megan’s, so I never had a chance to meet him.

    I’m sure had Gene known about your mistreatment, he might have here with us too in the Freezone/Indies telling us stories of LRH.

    This may be a bit off-topic, but I would be curious if you have a story about LRHs passing Gene was witness of.

    Hope the Great N-W does you fine. You have friends in that neck of the Woods … the Warrens & Freemans.

    It actually got so bad during approx. 2006 to 2008 with call-in and drop-in folks from organized Scn, that I would actually say, “Do you know who my husband was?”

    They would if you spelled his name $ene.

  96. Thanks a lot, Mike! Yes, for awhile there we could have passed on the street and I would have known you from event footage, but you would never have recognized me. Now you have an idea what I look like but I must admit that photo was probably taken in 1996 or 1997 and I have aged since then.

    I’m so glad you knew and loved Gene. I already know of your tremendous love and respect for LRH and his work, so we’re all on the same page. H

  97. Thanks, Ingrid, I appreciate your acknowledgement! I also very much appreciate your no-nonsense, A to B, “tell it like it is” approach in matters of concern to us all. H

  98. Thanks, Tony! I love having teammates as I’ve been on my own for quite some time. That can be quite a lonely state of affairs. H

  99. Yes, that is poignant, exactly who Dr. Denk was in that lifetime. The ramifications are…well, you know, I know, Marty knows, Mike knows, many know and now DM knows the ramifications of Rachel Denk is here.

    Yes, indeedy.

  100. Howdy, David LaCroix! I thought you would be surprised and I’m so glad you commented.

    I, too, wish you could have been at Gene’s memorial service. It really was quite nicely presented!

    No offence, but if I thought I should remain in SoCal, I would have stayed. But, there was far too much going on and I couldn’t get a grasp. So, since I now live in the Pacific Northwest, I’ll have to consider myself on that team. SoCal, however, has my full moral support as — believe it or not — that’s where our lives were and where my heart remains to this day.

    Absolutely … “Fairways and Greens!” H

  101. Thank you, PW! It’s great to be back — Hallelujah!

  102. Thank you, Thoughtful. I’m so glad you had the opportunity to meet Gene! If much more time had passed, your paths would not have crossed. L, H

  103. Thanks, Tara! I love your posts as well. We are becoming “blogosphere” friends. (The term is borrowed from Mike Rinder’s post above and duly credited.) H

  104. OK!

  105. Hi Lynne,

    No enticement needed at all. I’m in the Pacific Northwest which seems to have become quite a hot spot of independent activity. That’s interesting to me! Very much like coming home. H

  106. Thank you for the burst of theta, Carol! The photo is one of my very favorites. We had just gotten Harley as a pup from a Border Collie rescue in Orange County. He joined Winnie, our little girl. When Gene arrived home from work that day (see him in his work clothes?), our neighbor said, “Hey, let me take your photo.” That would have been in 1996 or 1997. Imagine our surprise when we found out Harley’s birth dad was a Bernese Mountain Dog! Harley turned out pretty good-sized and Gene could no longer cuddle him in his arms.

  107. Thanks so much for this endearing comment, Tom! Regarding your comment,
    “I look forward to hearing more of your (and his) story as circumstances allow,” thought-starters really help me out with this. Thanks again. H

  108. Sapere Aude …

    I am at a loss for words but for thank you. L, H

  109. Hello Rachel,

    I was stunned when I saw your post. I am very glad you have found the independents. They are , in my opinion, what Scientology is about. Gene was my Dr. for 20 years and I mourned his passing and am very sorry for the treatment you received from Scn Inc. Of the many post here on Marty’s site, I find yours particularly powerful in its impact. Gene was a friend to so many I can’t help but believe your statements here will have resounding impact. He was well know, liked and admired and your speaking out is a brave and powerful statement against the abuses.

    Thank you for your post. It served to fill in the blanks for me in the wake of Dr. Denks passing.

    I hope you new journey brings you peace.

    Your post ROCKS.


  110. Dr. Denk was very compassionate when I needed his medical help. He managed to get me to laugh even though I was in extreme pain. Another time, he told me of his being in a leg cast while on internship and assured me I would survive being in a cast also. And another time he spoke with other doctors and assured me that doctors at Kaiser were doing the correct treatment. I assumed he was also auditor trained. Thank you for letting us know that you know the truth. I hope Dr. Denk knew how much he was appreciated by many.

  111. Absolutely hilarious, Tom. But you painted a poignant picture that brought tears to my eyes as well. Thank you for that! L, H

  112. Congratulations on your new Goldenrod Badge of Courage! What an excellent way for the church to lose power — they have nothing to hold over you now.

  113. Hallelujah:

    I am not sure who Dr. Denk was. I am only judging from the BLOG.

    Was he L. Ron Hubbard’s personal physician or was the doctor for Sea Org members? If so, where, in the Sea Org?

    In spite of my ignorance, I am very glad you have left organized Scientology. As they say in Hollywood: “If you want to go Clear or OT stay the hell away from the Church of Scientology”! {LOL}

    Good luck to you.

  114. Rachel, WOW! What a wonderful surprise! I just peeked in and saw your beautiful post. As you know Gene was like a brother to me and I love him very much. He would have loved this Independent movement. Just for people who don’t know, Gene came to Creston in 1984 and lived there as LRH’s personal doctor and was with him at his death. I have a lot of great stories about Gene as you know and I wish I could post them all here. Gene and I were very close and became best friends. Every Sunday LRH had me take Gene out shooting skeet, to improve his bedside manner. We also played badminton every night after I returned from town. The story that comes to mind and stays with me is when he was leaving Creston in 86. I was doing lower conditions(again) and was on KP at the main house during a party for Gene. I was washing dishes and Gene came into the little kitchen and said ‘Sarge, I’m leaving’. I looked at him and he me and I stuck out my hand. Then he did what Marty always does, he grabbed me and gave me a great big bear hug. He said he was going to miss me and I said I would too. We both had tears in our eyes. The last time I saw my friend. Gene was such a great guy and I do miss him. Love

  115. Yes, “surprised” is an understatement.
    And I’ll concede you to the Great Northwest team.
    Would love to be in-comm and get up-to-date on any skinny on our old gang of golf bums. I’ve been very patiently waiting for some of that SoCal crew to come out of the closet. I know there has to be a bunch under-the-radar. You and I can’t be the only smart ones! lol
    Friend me on FB (when you get on there…come on girl, you’ll get a kick out of it) or, support@freeheber.com will get to me.
    Love, David

  116. Thanks for your acknowledgement, Scott! I owe you an acknowledgement on your previous comment about Act One, Trey Lotz, and your new understandings. Really, really nice job! I’m still floored …

    There, the pot’s right. H

  117. Very much appreciated, Lori! It’s really nice being here. L, H

  118. Thanks for the story about “Dr. Geno,” Jackson. Hmmm – I believe you must have been quite a bit younger than we were (are). It’s fun when our “young people,” now adults, speak up. I enjoy “Moving on up a little higher” with you! H

  119. Dear Underdog,

    So glad you took this opportunity to comment on Dr. Denk. I, for one, certainly appreciate it! I doubt I’m alone in that thought. Hallelujah

  120. Love the big hugs from Seattle! Yes, we shall meet and hopefully that will be soon. It helps greatly that we are entering Spring and don’t have to deal with snow on the pass. L, H

  121. Sara Finning

    rachel, have sent you an email via Marty. You know me under a different name…

  122. Thanks Eman! “Funny” and “caring” seem to be the two main things folks remember about him. You nailed it! H

  123. ΘTater/GaryLerner


    I personally did not know your husband, Gene, but from all of the posts here from folks who knew and loved him I would have held him as a being to greatly admire and love.

    Sorrow and Happiness they are
    Powerful Emotions by far
    So Ride them like your hair is on fire
    And scream Hallelujah! for living Much Higher!!

    Love and ARCU,

  124. Rachel – if we only ever communicate via blogs I feel you are part of our family and welcome you with open arms. But one day I hope to meet you.

    I knew Dr. Denk for over 20 years, as his patient and as someone with whom I collaborated on projects. He was my doctor and he saved me from nearly dying once. He was a dear man and a really good doctor.

    Some of my fondest memories: The first time I met him was when I went to see him for bronchitis. This was back in the early 70’s. I had a history of severe asthma as a child and I was a 2 pack a day smoker. He took an x-ray of me and when he looked at it he was perplexed. He told me that for such an extensive and severe history of asthma I should have scarring in my lungs and airways but none were evident. There was also no evidence in the x-rays that I was a smoker either. The medical history and what he was looking at didn’t add up, so I commented, “Hmmm, maybe it has to do with this Dianetics stuff I’ve been getting – I’ve been doing a lot of that to address the asthma.”
    “Hmm….maybe there is something to this after all,” he responded as he kept eyeing the x-rays. “You really think this works?” From there he and I had a brief chat with a lot of “hmm’s” and scrunched eyebrows. He was seeing something that he didn’t fully understand and he wanted to make sure he got it. “He finally concluded, “I think I’m going to have to really read that book.”

    Another time – I almost died from severe dehydration. I woke up ill and had to be carried into Shaw Health Center. Within minutes it turned into a crisis. I went into shock, my limbs were flailing, and I was starting to leave my body. I could feel it – I could feel that I was letting go and I sensed I wouldn’t be able to get my grip back . Dr. Denk was moving like speed to keep me from dropping. I remember looking up at him and calmly telling him that I didn’t think I could hold on any longer. He ever so gently grabbed my shoulder and quietly said, “OK, just give me a few more minutes.” In all that confusion, I thought that was a reasonable request, so I hung on. Back up arrived and between two doctors they got me through.

    And one more: I was seriously disabled for sometime and required a good deal of physical therapy to bring me back, so to speak. Denk quarter backed the medical program and coordinated the various doctors involved with my case. (I had a 30% chance of making it out – but Denk never told this to me. EVen when I had asked him what my chances were of puling through, he asked me”what would you like them to be?”) Sometime later I went back to see Denk for a routine check, and when he asked me for my complaints and I rambled on about a bunch of small nusances – Denk suddenly swirled in his swivel stool, rolled clear across the room and burst out in a belly laugh – bright red face, eyes bright, that famous Denk grin. “What’s so funny?” I asked. “The last time I saw you we were fighting against the odds to pull you through!” He was so happy. As was I. Denk was connected to his patients.

    Those moments are how I shall ALWAYS remember Gene Denk.

    You were blessed to have him in your life as your partner for 30 years. You helped him be who he was.

    SHAME, SHAME on those who denigrated his memory and your relationship by according you such little respect and such disdainful disregard for what is rightfully yours. I wish you great luck as you enter this next chapter of your life with the support and warmth of your new found friends.

  125. Dear Songbird,

    I love your name, your thoughts and your postulates! Thanks, H

  126. Thank you, Kathy! I appreciate it, perhaps more than you can imagine. L, H

  127. Hello Theo! I always read your comments with great interest. I believe you are correct about keeping the flame alive. It’s looks to me like it’s fanned by theta. H

  128. tunedal – Hi! You are welcome for my speaking out. Thanks for the postulate! H

  129. Thanks Vicki! Super glad to be here in the Northwest. Now … if it would only warm up on this side of the state! I was painting outside window trim in the snow yesterday … disgusting when I have spring fever. L, H

  130. scilonschools — This is a great comment and I’m glad you brought it up. Interestingly enough, there were no “last minute instructions” before Gene’s departure except “finish the level” — he referred to OT VII. I like to think he knew I could handle it and didn’t have to tell me what to do. Most certainly others got involved in other stuff and that’s when I decided I’d better make my own decisions. H

  131. Hi Sam,

    For some reason, I feel like you’re an old friend. Have we ever met before?

    Thanks for your warm condolences!

    And, thanks especially for linking my special song. That’s where I got my name, you know? Love, Hallelujah!

  132. Thanks so much for this, WH! I’m glad to hear you adored Gene. I believe for the most part it’s true — he wouldn’t try to override another’s own determinism. Even a child’s. It’s nice you brought that up! L, H

  133. Hi Jim,

    Appreciate your comment and really nice to “meet” you out in the open. Trust all is going well! L, H

  134. Thank you, Watching Eyes! Are we anywhere close to each other? H

  135. Thank you! Love your comment and the song!! H

  136. Another Layer

    As I read your post, I kept thinking, “could this be Rachel Denk???” And then it was! You were a wonderful help to me as a new scientologist and staff member in 1975; you were LAD and I was LAF, yet you cared for me as if I were your own (and made sure I studied!). And Dr. Denk was such a great doctor; I went to him for years at Shaw and loved his sense of humor. Please accept my belated condolences. Okay, I’ll dry my tears now. Big hugs from LA!

  137. Yes, indeed, Jim … I have found voice. L, H

  138. Very nicely. Had two more starts on course this week. Working out the logistics for the Purif now as there are those needin’ a purifying.

    Your help has been appreciated by those on course now and those coming in the next little bit, and for the duration. Me too!!

  139. Hello Rachel,

    I am so happy that you have come forward with your story so that others might learn the truth about the C of $. My condolences for your loss. Dr. Denk helped me when I was an NOTS auditor at AOLA a couple of times.

  140. Rachel, you kept threatening to tell your story one day and I am so glad you did! It is sad the way you and Gene were treated and I am so happy that we have found this place to rekindle the theta in life. Your post made me cry but hearing all of the stories of people who knew you both made me smile and really appreciate this group of Independents even more for allowing the time and space to properly acknowledge Gene for the joy and (in some cases, literally) LIFE he brought to others.

    You obviously are a wonderful being and were Gene’s rock. Thank you for sharing him with all of us and thank you Gene for the wonderful care you gave LRH. For that I am etenally grateful!

  141. H
    I feel it too.
    And thank you once again for speaking out.
    I have a certain feeling that your presence is going to cause quite the ‘knee jerk’ reaction of missed witholds going into overtime.
    Glad I was right about your song 😉

  142. WH
    I love that song too.
    I also love your centered, calm theta posts.
    Always a breath of fresh air.

  143. Yes, Laura! I’m so glad I’m among friends. Thanks, H

  144. Grateful — that is so cool … thanks for sharing! L, H

  145. Thanks for the wonderful comment, Victoria! I expect you probably have realized the doc was being so kind to you and taking time with you because he cared about you. Hallelujah!

  146. Can I have one too? My ex-husband has it on very good authority that I’ve been declared so I’m sure he would be willing to vouch for me.

  147. My Dear Suzanne,

    I must admit to an almost total loss of words for your comment. I remember you, I remember the booties, and yes, it was a random act of kindness. Thank you so much for the “massive waves of hugs and kisses.” All my love, H

  148. Inspiring.

  149. Aeolus … Wonderful comment and a wonderful story. Thank you for sharing! H

  150. Welcome, Yvonne! And thank you for all you do to enhance our lives! H

  151. Yes, Kay, it’s true that when there’s a major situation, you see the true colors shine through. The hard part for me was that I certainly wasn’t expecting it. I honestly and truly thought I would have the caring and backup of those involved. When I saw that was lacking, it was time to move on. I’m so glad you had ARC for Dr. Denk and the entire health center! It makes your comment so powerful. I’ll try to get to Texas but please don’t hold your breath; I’d have to move a mountain or two to make it happen. In the meantime, I can feel the Texas love from here. H!

  152. OK, Summer Wind, now I’m really curious. I’ve tried guessing but cannot come up with an identity for you. Oh, well, I’ll find out sooner or later I guess. Yes, theta is good, very good. H

  153. Ah Rachel, this just shows that the cream just keeps rising! Like so many here, I knew and loved Dr. Denk. I was a patient for a bit – some minor malady. I knew I was in the right hands when he walked into the exam room.

    He epitomized what a doctor should be, and he did it in a group that does not (frankly) take much stock in “medicos.”

    He really was a “doctor of the old school” (http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/9320). If any of you have never read this story, by the way, you should.

  154. Thanks big H 🙂

  155. I totally understand Rachel!

    Personally I could say more about how people who were close to Ron in some way are treated by this unfeeling, lumbering, blind, totally reactive beast that falsely calls itself the quote Church of Scientology unquote.

    But suffice it to say that you are safe with us.

    As most of us here know the meaning of the Code of Honor.

    Dear Comrade H 😉

  156. Thanks for the historical.

  157. Whoa, WH! In truth, I really don’t think Gene nor I were stolen from. Please don’t worry about that. Also, after Gene departed I started selling our assets that we wouldn’t need any more, i.e. his car, a mobile home we had in Arizona, our Los Angeles house. I also worked part time at ASI and took another part time job. We’re really not talking bankruptcy here; I’m doing OK! I hope that clarifies that matter. H

  158. Mrs. Friend of Ron

    “This just shows that the cream just keeps rising!” Perfect Hallelujah for this post.
    Rachel, I haven’t had the pleasure, but have been close to some who were helped by and loved Dr. Denk. I sense by your post and pic and the comments that you are indeed the crem de la cream. I am sure you will only continue to rise.
    Love that you’re here.

  159. Thank you, Margaret, and it’s a pleasure to be recognized as part of the independent community! Yes, I believe that’s correct about Dr. Denk’s publications. If you would care to give me some kind of “thought-starter” about what you would like to hear of our story, I’ll do my best. L, H

  160. Beautiful, well-written comment for which I thank you, 2ndxmr! Quite correct — Dr. Denk helped thousands of people. In fact, shortly before he fell ill, he told me he was seeing 150 patients/week. That’s quite a work load! I, personally, like this choir! H

  161. Rachel — Thanks for the clarification. I obviously over reacted when you mentioned your paragraphs about ASI and the financial agreements between Gene and the care he provided for LRH.

    Having had a friend who was almost brought to bankruptcy because of how a scientology management group treated her terminally ill husband and the prior owner had left and gone into the Sea Org — I guess I over reacted.

    I’m happy to know you are well, financially OK and happy.


  162. Hello Dear Sinar and thank you for your warm comment!

    Yes, I well-remember you in those early days after our LA Org moved to the Complex. You were such a good staff member. Then you disappeared! How exciting it must have been for you to work with LRH!

    And then, to cross paths with Gene in the course of your line of service to LRH is simply wonderful.

    Hey, would you mind doing me a favor? Link the Hallelujah chorus, any one of your choice, but with the voices raised in unison. It’s appropriate to this topic. Thanks! L, H

  163. “Shooting skeet to improve his bedside manner” – Love it! That’s one way to knock out them pesky tumors!

  164. Thanks for your comment, Foremost. That’s an interesting premise about Gene might have been in the Freezone/Indies. You’d have to base it on my departing and him remaining. And, in that case, I really doubt it. He would have been far too busy and on-hat, doctoring and such, to get involved. He also wasn’t exactly computer savvy, although I expect he could have learned. No, I was the supposedly dispensable one of our team and once he was gone, I was dispensed with.

    I can honestly say I have no story about LRH’s passing that Gene was witness of and communicated to me. It was one of those topics we really didn’t talk about. I hope you understand.

    Yes, the Pacific Northwest is doing fine by me. I believe we have a phenomenon going on … already “did lunch” with Anita and we plan on more! L, H

  165. Oh wow… peace and love to you Rachel.

  166. Rachel,
    Please accept a big, big hug from me and a kiss on the cheek. You are loved here. You are certainly respected here. And you are known to all here, whether they post, comment or lurk.

  167. Thank you for your kind words, Ann! A conscience is a pesky inconvenience but it doesn’t just “glow” away. When I discovered this medium into which I could communicate, all I really had to do was communicate into it. This journey not only brings peace but also universes of demonstrable theta. L, H

  168. Rachel your story is very touching…
    Thank you for sharing it with us. Hope you will feel lots of love and admiration flowing to you…

    Silvia Kusada

  169. Hi Change,

    I love your stories of Dr. Denk’s compassion when you needed his medical help! So glad he could get you to laugh even though you were in exteme pain.

    I laugh about his being in a leg cast while on an internship!! Good grief, he moaned and groaned while laying on that couch. Basketball injury, you know. My first try at giving a touch assist, too. He recovered in fine shape and went on to assure you that you would survive being in a cast as well. Thanks for the memory!

    Yes, he was auditor trained. Class IV (no internship) and SOLO auditor trained.

    And, yes, he knew how much he was appreciated! L, H

  170. LOL

  171. Hi Sarge,

    You are such a wonderful friend and I thank you for being so! In fact, you are one of the key reasons I wished to make my statement. You write beautifully about LRH and others from that very big heart of yours. Your comment above is a perfect example of this.

    I don’t think I’m alone when I say I think this is important and theta information you communicate. Go for it! In no way do you ever need to hold back on Gene’s account or my account. Love, H

  172. Thank you for making this post today, Rachel. I cried reading it, and the comments…

    Dr. Gene Denk was my doctor, and my family’s doctor, for a long time. With or without FP approval, it always felt (finally) like arriving at a SAFE PLACE when going to Shaw Health Center. Sometimes Dr. Shields would see one of us too, and another doctor there.

    We in the SO were working so hard, honestly it was nearly a luxury to go to Shaw Health Center. It was the one place for sure to ALWAYS be treated with absolute kindness and the care that we/I were special and deserved this kind of care.

    Dr. Denk was so competent, but you could never call him “cool” – only warm and so full of theta – I think he was “contageous”. I remember his thin fringy hair, his twinkly eyes and cheeks. Even though we went there “sick”, he made every visit into a true and special pleasure moment.

    This is the kind of person I had always hoped to be, somebody who helped others, knew it, and exuded happiness to do so.

    I hope for all the very best for you; you so deserve it. And, we all humans do deserve it too. It is people like Dr. Denk who made us remember this fact – like:
    ‘A being is only as valuable as he can serve others’
    “Joy of Creating…… (forgot exact quotations) Splurge on it”.

    Love to you in abundance.

  173. Got it and read it, Sara. Really nice to hear from you. Will reply when I get on top of all these comments … next day or two. Thanks! L, H

  174. Thank you Gary! Repeated for emphasis:

    Sorrow and Happiness they are
    Powerful Emotions by far
    So Ride them like your hair is on fire
    And scream Hallelujah! for living Much Higher!! L, H

  175. freespirit — Speechless here. Thank you for your personal initiative in writing this comment. You leave no doubt in the mind of the reader (including me) that you are speaking your heart. I do appreciate not only your acknowledgement of Dr. Denk but your good wishes. L, H

  176. Hi Rachel,

    I had only just heard of what happened with Gene about 6 months ago from a friend. He was my doctor while I was in LA as I am sure he saw many here. I am glad you have disconnected from the suppression of the corporate Church.


  177. Another Layer — I just love it when I hear from staff of those early days at LA Org! Oh, we had such a good time and were so on-purpose. Thank you for your warm acknowledgement of Dr. Denk and the hugs. It makes it all worthwhile! L, H

  178. Thanks for this, Dean! I appreciate the acknowledgement. Nice website, by the way. H

  179. Karen B — Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. H

  180. Thanks Grasshopper! I did check out the ebook you linked and read the preface. The author talks about four doctors and “three are resting now.” I loved the way he put it. Interesting.

    Glad to knew and loved Dr. Denk! L, H

  181. Sorry, should be: Glad you knew and loved Dr. Denk!

  182. Dear Rachel,
    I always loved to read your posts and hope that now you tell us all the stuff you couldn’t tell while under the radar.
    Your post is very moving, it’s a sad story, but nevertheless you have generated so much hope and theta I never have seen here…
    When those young guys sang Hallelujah they were dreaming all those dreams we are dreaming and mostly about your beauty:

  183. Thank you Brian! I’d say you are pretty inspiring yourself!! L, H

  184. Thank you very much, Mrs. Friend of Ron!! L, Hallelujah

  185. Thanks, Sherb! Peace and love to you as well. L, H

  186. Thank you Silvia! “Hope you will feel lots of love and admiration flowing to you…” I do! I do! L, H

  187. Hi Rachael,
    So nice to have you here and have your theta communication. I never met your husband, but my wife assures me that he was (is) a wonderful being. Thought you might like this quote from LRH:

    “The power of decision is actually the power of sanity.” …
    “If you just mercilessly search out of your life, in the actions and the common actions of your life, all of the maybes on a decision level, and if you suddenly assert your decisions where you have withheld decisions, I can guarantee you that your life will smooth out pretty well. If you do that in a big office, for instance, where there’s a big staff, it may very well be that by asserting your decisions they fire you straight out the door. That’s where you belong, then. You’re a lot better off outside that door. If this environment has smothered your power of decision, you don’t belong in it.”
    — L. Ron Hubbard
    from the lecture Decision, delivered on 20 May 1952

  188. Rachel

    You sure were missed by all the Writers of the Future judges and allies, as you know!

    It’s so sad that Gene’s situation wasn’t more maturely and publicly dealt with. I only slightly knew what went on, I came to ASI in May 1992, and you were still there, you had your own very long office looking right down Hollywood Blvd.

    A lot of sci fi writers f the future and the judges and allies all loved you! No one ever did that job like you did, in the years after you left ASI.

    Chuck Beatty

  189. Dear O.O.,

    Thank you for presenting yet another viewpoint — the safe place to go where you knew you would “ALWAYS be treated with absolute kindness and the care that we/I were special and deserved this kind of care.” I’m so pleased to hear Shaw Health Center and the doctors there, including Dr. Denk, were able to provide you with that comfort! Quite correct — you/we deserve it! L, H

  190. Really nice comment, LO … thanks! I’ll speak up if you give me a “thought-starter” to speak up about. Otherwise, I feel I’ll be talking to the wind. You are quite correct about hope and theta being generated today! I love the link … my namesake, you know … L, H

  191. Dear Sarge, not only do you have amazing stories. But you know how to tell them so well.
    Thanks and love,

  192. Vermeer would be proud! Congratulations. Someday these things will fetch big bucks on e-Bay.

  193. Thanks Hallelujah (love the handle, by the way!)

    The book is unbelievably theta – a bit hard to read because of the Scottish. The doctor was a doctor in the Highlands of Scotland whose people lived into their ’90s and were tough as nails – but who admired the hell out of the doctor, who would ride his trusty horse for miles through 4 foot+ drifts and cross icy rivers to save a mother and her “biarn.” True story, too.

  194. My goodness LDW. That’s exactly it! Thanks so much! L, Hallelujah!!

  195. Thank you Chuck. Yes, we’re old friends from way back. We knew (know) ramifications as a common reality. I appreciate your comment! L, H

  196. I am loving this particular blog and all the love here shown to two people who created such beautiful moments and memories for themselves and for others. Thanks for the beautiful moments you’re creating right now for us, Rachel.

  197. Thanks very much FOS! Of course, I go around thinking “everyone” knows Gene departed. I guess a person wouldn’t necessarily know for sure. L, H

  198. Of course, Marty’s, Mike’s, Steve’s and mine will fetch the most money because they are the only declares in history to have had addenda issued. Those babies will be priceless. (They were issued following a meeting we had in Denver, September 2009. I am not sure why DM flipped out so far when he found out. All we did was sit around and shoot the shit for a couple days and drive up to Estes Park for a pilgrimage to Marty’s personal shrine–the room in the hotel where Steven King wrote The Shining. Maybe it was because Geir Isene was there, too. A heavy hitter public and Norway’s one and only OT VIII.)

  199. Rachel,
    This is by the writer of the song with chorus.

  200. Lana — To answer your questions:

    “Was he L. Ron Hubbard’s personal physician or was the doctor for Sea Org members? If so, where, in the Sea Org?”

    Yes, he was L. Ron Hubbard’s personal physician. Additionally, he worked at Shaw Health Center and provided medical care to staff and public Scn, as well as some non-Scn public. He was not an Scn staff member; he was public.

    Thanks for your good luck wish! H

  201. Whatever you know about LRH if you want.

  202. Accepted … and thanks! L, H

  203. I know, we need to have a seminar on “How to Write Your Own Declare!” LOL

  204. Wow Dan, nice memories. That sure was a good time amongst good friends wasnt it? Certainly worthy of a declare I’d say. I heard my addendum had grown, apparently multiplying madly — its expansion that makes Dear Leader envious. Maybe he can announce it as part of his next rolling thunder — “Number of pages of SP declare more in one year than in the entire history of Scientology combined !!!! [applause]”

  205. Thanks, Sinar! Leonard Cohen is a lesson in compassion. L, H

  206. Watching Eyes

    Please send Rachel my email address. It’s above and a new one.
    Thank you.

  207. Thanks Sinar,

    By far the best rendition done by a former Scientology Alumni BTW 🙂

  208. Hi Rachel;
    Dr. Denk was my doctor from 1992 to 2001 and then I left California to live in Florida. Loved your husband. That dry sense of humor was the best. I think sometimes I would feel a little pain here or there just so I could go to the Shaw Center and get in comm with Denk. That is what I used to call him. Denk.
    First I heard of his passing was your posting onthis blog.
    Great doctor. Very caring. When I turned 50 in 93 he gave me a complete physical at my request. I had never seen a doctor since my Army days in 1963, so I figured it was time to find out how fit or unfit my body was. To illustrate how complete of a physical, the bill was over $500.00 dollars as I remember it. The Shaw Center called me about a week later and said Dr. Denk had to see me the next day. Very important. Of course I thought bad news was around the corner. Didn’t sleep well that night. I’m sitting in the patient room wondering what the hell was he going to say.

    Here are his exact words as I remember them. “I’ve got bad news and good news, which do you want to hear 1st. No smile on his face. I think his arms were folded peering down at me. I said bad news first. Denk says, “There’s not a damn thing wrong with you. In fact your blood work indicates you are 19 years old and I want to know your history” I’ve never seen numbers like yours on a 50 year old man. Now the famous grin comes alive.

    I was in the room for over an hour while other patients waited as I told him how my mother was a personal friend of Adel Davis and I was raised on vitamins and made to drink brewers yeast in tomato juice, etc, etc…I will tell you, on that day we became special friends.
    To say the least I was surprised to learn he left in 2004. This time I did get bad news.
    Thanks so much for posting your story. It saddens me to learn you were not treated correctly or kindly by the COS. Of course that is their bad news and our good news is your out front as a beaming “INDEPENDENT”


  209. barneyrubble


    Great story, please tell us more re:LRH and Dr. Gene.

  210. barneyrubble

    +1 Sinar.

  211. The James Family


    What you describe is outrageous but all too common. Dr. Denk was a wonderful doctor to our entire family (adults as well as children) and, with his usual irrepressible sense of humor, got us out of all kinds of medical scrapes over the years.

    We wish you all the very best.

    Lucy and Haydn

  212. Didn’t know that RJ. Looked it up and he definitely refers to “Clear” in one of his songs – “Famous Blue raincoat.”

  213. Sinar, wow loved it. Leonard is full of Soul!


  215. one of those who see

    Hi Rachel,
    Yes, another old patient of Dr. Denk’s! He obviously was one of the most well known and loved Scientologists around. Thank you for posting the picture. It was really nice to see his face again.
    My heart aches for your loss. And I am so sorry for the misbehavior of the Church. They should honor the man and your wishes. Simple Respect.
    So glad you are here amongst friends, one of the free people.

  216. Rumor has it he had quickie grades up in Canada in the late ’60’s.

    That was back in the days when we had a higher caliber of celebs than “Mr. Cruise”.

    As far as I know Famous Blue Raincoat is about an old flame of his who broke up with him and went to LA to do the CC.

  217. Hi Rachel, Thanks for the response, and thank you also for the offer to ask questions. I re-read your post, and also read through more of the comments here. I think I have enough pieces now to put things together.

    I’m delighted that you have created a wonderful life for yourself up in your old stomping grounds in the NW.
    And again, it’s great having you as a member of our community.

  218. Dear Rachel,

    Thanks for telling me this.
    I want to state that you used GRACE and DIGNITY in covering what is outright FINANCIAL irregularities re Dr Denk and LRH.

    There is one thing that keeps coming up OVER and OVER and OVER with the “CHURCH” and that is they are outright DISHONEST FINANCIALLY. How very religious for a Church to reek of Dishonesty.

    +++++Do they ever disclose they are sitting with $1 billion in reserves in one account when the vulture shark blood $$$$ in a heavy duty Reg cycle and enforce a 2nd mortgage to be taken out by a hardworking limited money earner ?

    Of course not.

    Did the IAS reg disclose to you how much is sitting in the IAS bank account when he wanted you to take out a home equity loan to raise your status in the IAS ?

    They are ROLLING IN WEALTH !!!!!!!

    ++++++Did the Church know for YEARS and YEARS that the library donation regging was a scam …where a huge amount of Librarians instantly dumped the books on their Sales rack for $1 whereupon they showed up on Ebay for $9.99
    ++++++++Did the Church know that “Return to Sender” was used by Librarians who refused to receive Church unwanted books …yet they continued sucking out the $$$ from uneducated public for the same scam.
    +++++++Did the Church inform high rollers to Ideal Orgs that the “CHURCH” would own the building they were being regged for, and that the badly paid staff had to RENT it back from Church of Scientology International in a never ending scam to suck out even more money for something already paid off ?

    Of course not

    ++++++Did various echelons of the “Church” know that in desperation and SLEEP DEPRIVATION stsaff members illegally used $$$$ on account for BASICS they did not order to make the “STATS” look good ?

    Yes, of course they did, but the illegal stealing from advance payments continued.

    I could list 20 other major Financial irregularities but the point I am making here that it is plain that even though you were out of a husband for 2 years straight while he lived at Creston with LRH, I feel is despicable that they pulled a FINANCIAL IRREGULARITY on you for the exchange of a full time physician 24/7/365.

  219. Rachel, One other little story I would like to tell about Gene while you still have the stage. I already told you but I want to tell others about what a hero Gene was and how he saved LRH’s life. Early ’85 LRH was very sick. Pat was away (again) and Annie had been trying to get ahold of him. Gene kept insisting that LRH needed to go to the hospital. Of course LRH didn’t want to and because of the security situation at the time a trip to the hospital would have meant giving real names etc. Gene finally talked LRH and Annie into it and we loaded LRH into the back of the Subaru wagon. I put blankets down and pillows and LRH could barely walk so we half carried him into the back of the car. Gene and Annie left and I stayed to handle the ranch. LRH spent a week in the hospital in Santa Maria south of Creston. Gene stayed with LRH the whole time. If Gene hadn’t forced it LRH would have died early ’85. I was told LRH had pancreatitis but I think there were other problems. Love

  220. Mike Hobson


    @Sarge & Rachel:
    Please forgive me for having to ask this here, but I’m trying to defend Dr. Denk against certain scurrilous allegations being pushed by certain anti-Scientology critics over on Ex-Scn Message Board.

    As far as I know, you and Rachel are the only people available who were actually *there* and therefore qualified to refute the following: in a petition authored by Graham Berry representing FactNet and Larry Wollersheim filed in the Hubbard Probate case in May 1997 it was asserted (point #25) that:

    “25. Approximately two weeks before Mr. Hubbard died, Dr. Denk left Mr. Hubbard’s side in Creston, California and went on a gambling trip to Reno/Lake Tahoe, Nevada accompanied by his wife, Terri Gamboa, Rick Aznaran, and David Miscavige. ”

    Even, if it were true, I don’t see how Larry Wallersheim or anyone in FactNet possibly could have known it.

    Wasn’t Dr. Denk actually caring for Hubbard at Creston on a 24 hour/7 days a week / 365 days a year basis during those last years ?

    Isn’t the above a bald-faced lie ?

    Michael A. Hobson

  221. Mike Hobson

    Dr. Denk gave me my examination for the Purification Rundown Pilot Project at PAC Base at Shaw Health Center c. 1979 . I helped build the first PAC Sauna there in the LA Org Basement.
    Dr. Denk was more than courteous and professional — he was friendly and affable and clearly personally concerned with my wellbeing.

  222. Hallelujah – what a courageous thing you have done in speaking up! ((HUGGS)) to you for all you have been through. I can only imagine the pain and oppression you endured while trying to find some semblence of understanding and position to hold onto, in silence and while being targeted like that. I am so glad you sought refuge outside that insanity by moving and rebuilding your life, to have your family near by. I know what that kind of ‘down time can’ do for the soul. It brings rest and reaffirms what is really important in one’s life.

    Many ex CoS’ers have found blogging their story to be very cathartic. Your story is an important one. Please consider creating a blog like this one to expound upon it 🙂

  223. Received this tonight. Very prophetic words from LRH:

    “We have to make our forward way from here at the same level of independence that we have made our way to here. We are at a point of great accomplishment. That point could not be exaggerated, and in years to come I’m sure this will be pointed to, at such a point—just pointed at, at the point when the accomplishment occurred, and from then on, things went forward rather well and routinely, and so on, and it all went well.

    “But it will only go well if we stay a free people and if we do this ourselves and if we don’t sit around and wait for Ron to do it all and we don’t sit around and wait for the Central Organization to do it all, but we take what we have, we use it and we accomplish our way forward.”

    — L. Ron Hubbard

  224. Then again, after our conference in Denver, the out-ethics only got worse. Dan and I met with Bruce Hines and his son and we all went to a baseball game where Dan tricked Bruce into getting photographed wearing a San Francisco Giants hat. Then to make matters worse, far worse, in a moment of weakness, on the way home I stopped in Phoenix and met with Cowboy Poet and Russ Williams. Scandalous. Meeting with Cowboy Poet alone I’m sure earned a page or two addendum. Then again, if Russ isn’t a reason for Goldenrod, who is?

    To this day I’m so sad and hurt to have all that paper wasted on us. Think of the trees, man. Think of the trees. Life has hardly been the same since Denver. And somewhere an old tree spirit is searching for a seedling. I will never travel anywhere again or meet with any fellow eye witnesses to crimes that DM committed. Unless of course, I have another moment of weakness.

    Oh dang. I just realized Little Bear Victor (Kalle) told me today how he saw DM knock the crap out of Bert Trussel in R Comps. Jeez, I can’t seem to get my ethics in like DM wants — you know, stop being there and communicating (with people who are exposing DM’s withholds). I guess all those goldenrod pages are deserved.

  225. It is so wonderful reading these accounts of experiences with Dr. Denk and LRH. It’s such a saturation of pure goodness, and a restoration of belief in all I thought I had found in Scientology. Wow. It brings me to the state of those days … one that slowly was chiseled away starting in the mid 80s. I’ve read and understood your stories here, each experience different, of piecing together what was not right with the picture in reconciling why — try as we might to correct things internally– attempts were thwarted and up statistics were punished. Fundamentally, the process was the same. Each of us relied on our own observation, in the dark so to speak, and at some point were unwilling to compromise the personal integrity of what we observed — even when we believed that would mean being alone and enduring resulting anguish and, often, aggression and attacks.

    And yet, here we are. Fundamentally, at the bottom of so many unique experiences of individuals leaving was also the experience of true Scientology, and what we knew Scientology itself to be. And reading this post, I’m so moved, and I realize I’m awash again with that sense of well-being, that wonderful wonderful sense that yes, ideals are not just something for the pages of a storybook, and trust is sacrosanct. And Love is not only real, but the most fierce power there is. And that was the bond and the brother and sisterhood for which we were willing to endure almost anything.

    Wow. And tell me beings aren’t basically good!!

    I remember Megan Shields, too. I met on a special mission at LRH’s request to care for a dear friend of his, a writer from the golden age, CL Moore.
    Without getting into details, suffice to say Catherine was in poor health and in trouble for her life. I had the privilege and honor of being asked and accepting a request to visit her, and I delivered sessions at LRH’s request and CS. The place I went to was not the most pleasant place in the world. There was sickness, suffering and body death. Catherine would have been alone in her last days if not for an old friend who remembered her — LRH. That was one more of many instances that showed me what LRH was truly made of. That was the fruit, the product of his being: maps, help, relief for others, and sacrosanct loyalty to an old friend. LRH had nothing to gain by sending an auditor there. Except his life purpose. I wish I could tell you what I saw, what I did, and the results — suffice to say it was the sparkling release of pure life in the midst of heavy agony. The reprieve from degradation. Like so many others, I loved LRH not only out of admiration for his great work and the personal benefit and relief I received, but for the tools he developed with which I could consistently help another.

    Last summer, as I was reminiscing and told Marty about this instance in an email, when I was at one of my filing cabinets my hand went right to a folder… do you know what it was? It was the CS and my report to LRH after those sessions. I didn’t even know I still had that! Not only that…it was the *exact day* years earlier. Now that was a cosmic smile, that I had thought of it like that out of the blue, then went and put my had right on this folder (when I was looking for something else!) …to see that date I’m sure:)

    I remember the days when auditing was about love…and the camaraderie of our united bond…that we knew better conditions were possible. What else is the freeing and helping of another being? What else is our wonder and devotion to knowing and freeing life? To granting of beingness? To the trust of release, forgiveness, understanding, discipline, the sterling desire to serve? What else, if not Love, is being given tools to dig ourselves and others out of eons of pain in a snap?

    I thanked Marty months ago for giving me back Scientology. I’d like to do it again, and extend it with much love to all here!

  226. Two beautiful souls!

  227. This could be arranged… 😉

  228. Oooooh, that statistic would be “straight up and vertical!”

  229. Rachel, I’m very happy to have you as a fellow Indie! Welcome welcome welcome!

    And while I’m very saddened for your loss (Dr. Denk was who I saw to get onto my Purif way back when), I am absolutely thrilled for your new found freedom.

    I wish you much love, joy and happiness — you truly deserve it…

  230. Broken pond. Moss off tree. Thanks.
    Stay cool 🙂

  231. Thank you Sarge.

    “I have a lot of great stories about Gene as you know and I wish I could post them all here.”

    And we have the time and patience to listening to you and your stories.

    So, please continue also with those times and stories from 1984 till 1986 with LRH.

  232. Dear Rachel,
    I never met Dr. Denk or you but from all the warm welcome to your declaration of independence, he must be a very kind, gentle man.
    I am sorry for your loos.

    To find out Dr. Denk was LRHs fulltime physician, at least the 2 years before he passed away, it explains all the happy, overwhelming reaction and hurray.

    I would like to say to you, THANK YOU!

    And thank you Marty and Mike for this SPACE.
    As the “Church” , usurped by a mad man, in his next desperate action creates “overnight SPs” © ® by all the love, compassion, care, theta, freedom of thought and freedom of speech which happens here, must go crazy by now.

    By reading all this and other comments, there is one big common denominator, IMHO, which pop up: the “Church”, usurped by a mad man, cannot HAVE, SUPORT, RESPECT self determined man of good will, unless they can “show you the money”.

    1. L. Ron Hubbard’s legacy shall be resurrected
    2. L. Ron Hubbard’s family shall be vindicated, including all belongings given back
    3. David Miscavidge & followings shall be brought to justice
    4. CoS management structure shall be reinstall as
    intended and designed by LRH: http://www.savescientology.com

    By the way Dave boy:
    Where is HEBERT Jentzsch – my President of the CoS?
    Where is DIANA Hubbard – lovely daughter from LRH?
    Where is SHELLY Miscavidge – your dear wife?

  233. martyrathbun09

    V, This shoulda been a post all on its own. What a wonderful communication from the Queen of Theta.

  234. martyrathbun09


  235. Rachel,

    Welcome. You are amongst friends.

    I too was sadded to hear of your husband’s passing. I saw him as patient a few times. One, quite memorable:

    I was 29, and had pain in my left arm down to my finger tips. I thought I was having a heart attack — at 29!!! I am sitting in the examining room and Dr. Denk is listening to me. Hmmm, ah, hmmmm, etc. And he says: “well if you have had this pain for 3 days and it was a heart attack, you would be dead. Does this hurt???” He pressed on my neck and I lepped through the ceiling.

    Dr. Denk proceeded to grab my chin and head and give them both a quick jerk…my spine and neck cracked in succession that could have been heard in Santa Monica.

    I looked up at him , he smiled with a big grin and said: “now tell the MAA that I said for you to stop sleeping with three women at a time and you will be fine…”

    The MLO and I laughed and laughed at that one!!!!

    He was a great human, a fine doctor and I am certain a wonder husband. I am happy to have this chance to convey my sorrow for your loss.



  236. Rachel,
    I’ve always been blessed with good health so I never had the pleasure of meeting your husband but his impact on others is certainly felt by the comments here.
    Obviously he was a special man; a healer and a doctor. I thought you and the others would enjoy this quote about those rare individuals and their work by Plato.

    “The greatest mistake in the treatment of diseases is that there are physicians for the body and physicians for the soul, although the two cannot be separated.”

  237. +1

  238. Mary McConnell

    Michael is an instigator. There is no current posting of such at ESMB. He would have responded to it there had it been going on, but he didn’t. Here is a link to is posts at that forum.

    There is a thread regarding Rachel Denk’s speaking out here and nothing in it mentions the affidavit Mike posted excerpt of, nor anything derogatory. Gene was beloved by many who post at ESMB.
    People are glad Rachel is speaking out. Some have commented here on your blog, as well as in the thread ‘The Widow Denk Speaks Out’.
    Readers deserve to know this.

  239. Rachel,

    Thank you for speaking out as you have. My family was helped by Gene many a time and we so appreciated his non-judgmental way of being as he sorted through our physical difficulties. It was such a loss for us when he passed on.

    This blog has been very uplifting for me, even though much of what I read is so painful that it often reduces me to tears or bouts of almost uncontrollable fury.

    I think that of all the things it does, the most releasing is being acknowledged. We did our best. We tried so hard. We wanted, with such passion, to make a difference and to be that hand reaching out to bring others into a world of warmth, of joy, of happiness and release from pain and suffering. To work so hard and find oneself standing on the outside looking in, maligned, misunderstood, unacknowledged is incredibly painful.

    Thank you Marty and Mosey (and everyone who contributes on this blog) for making it possible to be acknowledged and to everybody here for recognizing my existence as a beneficial and helpful and well-intentioned individual, first and foremost. That has been so lacking. And the lack so painful that it is difficult to even pinpoint it.

  240. Thank you, Mary, for fully duplicating what I went through. You really got it! On the not-so-visible side of things, I kept asking myself, “What would Ron do?” That’s usually how I came up with my next step(s). It’s only very recently I felt I could comm into an area and thus it is now so. H

  241. martyrathbun09

    Thanks Mary. Methinks, enough said. Let’s move on.

  242. Thanks, Karen. I suspected you would “lay it on the line.”

    Regarding: “Did the IAS reg disclose to you how much is sitting in the IAS bank account when he wanted you to take out a home equity loan to raise your status in the IAS ?”

    No, this information was not disclosed to me.

    What I was told was I should get briefed by watching the Tom Cruise IAS video. I believe I had already seen it or portions of it. I said I didn’t wish to get briefed. I was asked, “Don’t you want to be like Tom Cruise?” I said no, not really.

    I was told that COB had a really big situation, that the reg hadn’t yet been briefed on what exactly it was, but it was bigger than Portland. (I will let a blog historian elucidate on Portland.)

    I was told that I should take out a home equity loan to raise my status in the IAS. It was really OK to do this because others had done it at the time of Portland and these loans had gotten paid back. I said this didn’t sound like a good idea. (I didn’t tell the reg I was coming off approximately $50,000 in medical bills for an uninsured patient. Not to worry, we had it in reserves; learned early on if you don’t carry health insurance, it’s best to carry high reserves.)

    I was additionally told that the reg wanted use of Gene’s name as it would encourage others to do the same, i.e. raise their status in the IAS. Now, I understand the principle of using a big name as a donator to get others to do the same. However, in this instance, the big name had just departed and I didn’t feel it was appropriate to use his name; in fact, it was downright rude to even talk about it to his widow.

    In defense of the reg, he did call back at a later date and basically recant. However, it shouldn’t have happened in the first place. Common sense certainly did not prevail. H

  243. Oh yes, WELL deserved Steve!

  244. Karen #1 — And furthermore, you state:

    “… the point I am making here that it is plain that even though you were out of a husband for 2 years straight while he lived at Creston with LRH, I feel is despicable that they pulled a FINANCIAL IRREGULARITY on you for the exchange of a full time physician 24/7/365.”

    Actually, it was 1 1/2 years total. The other 1/2 year, we were on the lam waiting for LRH’s affairs to settle out. That’s why Gene didn’t immediately return to work upon LRH’s departure.

    And, actually the exchange with LRH was quite fair and equitable. The fact that it was falsely documented is a point of consternation and has led to a great deal of difficulty! H

  245. Yvonne Schick

    Amen. Thank you, Veritas, for a most moving post.

  246. Sarge
    So good to see you posting your stories again.

  247. Mike.
    Any personal questions you have could, I am sure, have been addressed to the particular persons you have questions for without dumping it in on a wide ‘audience’ in the form of a ‘comment’.
    The true intentions of such actions do not go un-noticed by the calibre of individuals who read this blog.

  248. Sarge, you are so good at telling tales. But you gotta tell me how shooting skeet would improve Genes bedside manner. I know I’m going to laugh my ass off at the answer.

    ML Tom

  249. Incredible post. I second Marty’s opinion that it should be a post all its own. One of the best – maybe the best – ever.

  250. Incredible, absolutely incredible. L, H

  251. Yes, V, Marty is right! This should have been a post all on its own. I am honored that you chose to post it during my statement.

    To add a bit more information: As you may know, I was the Writers of the Future Contest Administrator for many years. C.L. Moore was an early judge of the contest. I looked her up on the net and discovered she was born January 24, 1911 and departed April 4, 1987. I’m sorry I never had an opportunity to meet her in the course of my job functions!

    Yet, your story so ties in with my own personal research of the area. I also found this on the net:

    “Moore’s work also appeared in Astounding Science Fiction magazine throughout the 1940s. Several stories written for that magazine were later collected in her first published book, Judgment Night, published by Gnome Press in 1952.”

    LRH’s stories appeared in Astounding Science Fiction magazine throughout the 1940’s. LRH was also published by Gnome Press as well — wasn’t it Fear and Typewriter in the Sky? That was quite an era and has been called the Golden Age of Science Fiction. (Sorry for any “Golden Age” buttons this might push … not intended.)

    When Writers of the Future was established in later 1983, it makes total sense Catherine would come on board as a judge to help out. She and LRH were friends. And, when Catherine was in need of assistance, of course LRH made sure it was provided.

    That’s where you came in. Thank you for the assistance you provided LRH’s friend. You were obviously trusted. L, H

  252. Thank you for the warm welcome, Richard! I truly enjoy my new found freedom … Hallelujah!

  253. V, Beautiful! Love

  254. Thank you, Andy, for sharing the great anecdote — love it! Your acknowledgement is very much appreciated … L, H

  255. Cowboy Poet — You are quite correct the comments portray a special man. Thank you for posting the brilliant quote by Plato. It’s perfect! H

  256. Veritas, thank you for this magnificent comment about the healing that LRH and you gave to Catherine. Rachel’s post about her and Gene’s adventures and everyone’s stories about Gene’s own healing ways are drawing so much theta to this community. Thank you, everyone!

  257. Thanks for the great story and theta, Veritas!

  258. I’m still laughing … Sarge, would you please elucidate on this point? When you originally wrote the story to me, I totally understood the skeet shooting at LRH’s direction to improve Gene’s bedside manner. Maybe a whole different comment to explain to these folks … so I can quit laughing about it? L, H

  259. Tom, I’m not trying to bash Gene here. Gene is the one who told me the ‘old man’ complained about his bedside manner. Gene would spend the whole day in his RV while all the contractors were around. He was supposed to stay out of sight but still be a few steps from the Bluebird. After the first few months Gene was getting ‘cabin fever’ being cooped up all day. LRH noticed so he had me put up a badminton net next to Gene’s RV and Gene and I would play badminton each night. Then LRH bought Gene and I each a shotgun(Rachel still has Gene’s, DM has mine) and a skeet machine. Gene and I were just a couple cowpokes on Sundays after I finished my chores. We would drive to the back of the ranch and use my rifle to plink along the way, then shoot skeet for hours. Good times!
    LRH knew all work and no play makes Gene a dull boy. Love

  260. What a message … thanks! L, H

  261. Hello Jack! I have enjoyed your comments on the blog but this one is one of the best for me. However, I’m so sorry you had to find out the “bad news” like this! Having said that, what a great anecdote you have written about “Denk” and yourself. It’s so nice to be welcomed to the Independents. L, Hallelujah!

  262. Thank you, Lucy and Hadyn! Yes, Dr. Denk had quite a sense of humor. You might enjoy that when he got to the point he had so many patients he couldn’t remember their names, he’d call the person by the name of their afflication. I recall we once met one of his patients at an event. The person came running up and said, “Hey Doc, my leg is doing better … look!” Dr. Denk acknowledged the patient appropriately with great care. As the patient walked away, Dr. Denk turned to me and said, “Who’s that?” I told him the patient’s name, whereupon he smiled and said, “I can only remember his bad leg.” We didn’t talk patients at home (medical code of ethics stuff), but if — in social conversation — he’d want to say something, he’d say “bad leg,” “purif problem,” “accident,” etc. L, H

  263. Thank you, Colwell! I love the way you state this … L, Hallelujah!

  264. one of those who see — Thanks for communicating this! It’s beautiful. L, H

  265. Beautifully communicated, Sarge. Thanks! L, H

  266. Hi Mike,

    I believe we might know each other. I remember sitting in the PAC sauna … but I thought it was more in the ASHO basement. Am I way off base?

    Thanks for the acknowledgement of Dr. Denk! L, H

  267. So powerful and so true. Thanks for posting! H

  268. Also, One other little thing. Sitting around all day Gene was visibly growing and LRH wanted Gene to get some exercise. He was starting to look like the pillsbury dough boy. Love

  269. Sorry — This post belongs under Antoine’s Youtube link. H

  270. Sinar, I saw Leonard Cohen in concert in Berkeley back in the day. One of his songs was about a girlfriend who went out-2D with a friend “on the night you planned to go Clear.” Many years later, Andre Clavel told me he figured prominently in that song.

  271. Perfect and thank you! L, H

  272. pillsbury dough boy? Now I’m line charging … H

  273. Freedom Fighter

    +1. Tears. Wow!

  274. That’s a tall order, LO, but I believe I’ve come up with something relatively succinct.

    I, personally, never met LRH. Never had the opportunity as Gene went alone whenever he was called. I almost got to meet MSH once. But, as it happened, I got lost at LAX. When I finally located Gene, he said, “Nice going Dear, you just missed meeting Mary Sue.”

    So, virtually everything I know about LRH is what I have learned from his works. As I look back, I’ve really done quite a bit of training and auditing. I’ve also worked in organizations and have had a chance to put my training and auditing to use. I have a certainty that there’s Source information to cover every instance in admin, tech and ethics but a person needs to be well trained and thoroughly audited to make it all “play a tune,” so to speak.

    One of my very first remembrances of LRH is when I was first on staff at LA Org. This would have been when it was on 9th in LA. I was assigned to clean LRH’s office. Oh, what a handsome office it was! In fact, the most upstat space in the whole org. So, I’m really quite green as a new staff member, right? I was nervous about even walking into the office. But, once I made it over the threshhold, I became quite curious as there was a piece of paper on LRH’s desk with a pen laying near it. I sneaked over to see what was written on the piece of paper. It was foolscap and appeared to be written in LRH’s hand. The title at the top of the sheet of paper said, “The Ideal Org.” I hadn’t read that before! And, from all appearances, LRH had just that moment finished writing it and set his pen to rest, then left the office. I looked around to see if he was watching me snoop about his desk, but no, I couldn’t see him. In all truth, I actually felt his presence from the power of the words written on that piece of paper.

    To this day, I have no idea if that was an original penning of the policy letter. Or, if somehow Mimeo had managed to make copies of an original penning. But, I do know LA Org had many LRH originals, including tapes.

    I’ve read that policy many times over the years but the first reading, under the circumstances I describe, had the most impact. L, H

  275. Thank you for your acknowledgement, flytrike! Yes, Dr. Denk was a very kind and gentle man. As you can tell, he’s been missed. H

  276. Outstanding, heartfelt comment, Anna. Thank you for being inclined to communicate it. Much love and appreciation, H

  277. Such great stories about Dr. Denk. Here’s one I like to tell.

    I went in because of a bladder infection. Sorry for being specific but it is necessary to the story. I was married at the time. Gene said after having me pee in a bottle that it was an NSU (Non Specific Urethritis) and looked at me funny. He said, “you know the most common method of getting this don’t you?” Meaning adult activity. He said this with that little wry Gene smirk. I let him know with no uncertainty that such was not the case except with my partner. He looked at me askance as if he didn’t believe me. I reiterated my innocence a bit defensively but laughing.

    He left the room and returned, sober faced and said, “We’ll have to take another sample” and displayed the biggest and longest Q-Tip I had ever seen. It must have been 10″ long. I was not pleased at the prospect. Naturally once he saw my face he was again smiling. He was very pleased with himself at having gotten my goat.

    I have really enjoyed reading all the posts here and hope that Gene takes notice. Thanks again Rachel

  278. Ann — That is a tremendously funny anecdote. I still can’t quit laughing so signing off. H

  279. Hi Serge,

    You know a lot of stories and you seem to be the only person who was around LRH who is willing to talk or who is still alive.

    Could you put a couple of videos on YouTube talking about your life and your years with LRH?

  280. Thanks Veritas.

    What you wrote was so well written as to cover the essence of Scientology.

  281. Dear Rachel,

    Thank you for your announcement! I’ve often wondered who was behind Hallelujah.

    It goes to show that you meet the nicest folks here at Marty’s.

    ML, Tom Gallagher

  282. Who you gonna call? Gene loved that movie. Love

  283. Go Jim! Thx for making valuable beings!

  284. one of those who see

    Thank you, Veritas, thank you.

  285. Wow Dan, haven’t heard of Andre for a while- blast from the past! (Ski buddy at Big Bear in ’78-9 from WHQ when we had libs.)

  286. Steve,
    Another overnight SP and more Goldenrod, you let LBV out of the bag! Kalle has a great memory and posted most of those at the Int Base including those in the Hole (he called it Hall). http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?t=1374

    Interesting that he noted Shelly being missing from that time (2007).

  287. Dear Rachel,
    We never met but your husband took care of my physical misfortunes for quite some years starting in 1982 when I came to the US. Oh yes, we smoked many cigarettes together in the back of Shaw while chewing the fat, despite Megan!
    When I belatedly heard of his passing I was truly shocked. It just didn’t seem right.
    Thank you so much for your posting and coming out into the fresh air. Your chosen name is VERY appropriate and the powerful song from Leonard Cohen -that I had never heard before- gave me the most releasing cry in many moons. It is all for the better now.

  288. Claudio & Renata Lugli

    Ciao Rachel.
    we have been really moved by you statement.
    We are really, really happy you are with us now in this great new family.
    What can we say?

    Claudio & Renata

  289. You know they call that “honeymoonitis.”

  290. “I remember the days when auditing was about love…and the camaraderie of our united bond…that we knew better conditions were possible. What else is the freeing and helping of another being? What else is our wonder and devotion to knowing and freeing life? To granting of beingness? To the trust of release, forgiveness, understanding, discipline, the sterling desire to serve? What else, if not Love, is being given tools to dig ourselves and others out of eons of pain in a snap?”

    Oh, that DOES capture the beauty and essence of what truly being an auditor is ! I believe THAT is what LRH intended and that is why we’re still here after putting up with so much “else”. Hope springs eternal….

  291. ΘTater/GaryLerner


    LRH would’ve looked at what you wrote (the second to last paragraph being the most straight from the heart and awareness) and would’ve said:

    “Thank You for Understanding!”

    Marty and Mosey and Mike and Gene and Hallelujah and Sarge and Sam and Just Me and Sinar and Cowboy Poet and Watching Eyes and Carol and Bruce and Centurion and veritas and and ……. There are so many here now on this blog that it would fill pages just to name every one of the beautiful beings that have contributed their time and theta for the benefit of us all.
    “I remember the days when auditing was about love…and the camaraderie of our united bond…that we knew better conditions were possible. What else is the freeing and helping of another being? What else is our wonder and devotion to knowing and freeing life? To granting of beingness? To the trust of release, forgiveness, understanding, discipline, the sterling desire to serve? What else, if not Love, is being given tools to dig ourselves and others out of eons of pain in a snap? ”

    V, This is why I am here.

    Love and ARCU,

  292. Thanks, Tom! It’s nice meeting you too! L, H

  293. A beautifully written comment for which I thank you! Yes, I had a good cry on the Leonard Cohen as well. It’s a masterpiece and we have now shared a moment … all for the better. L, Hallelujah!

  294. Hello Claudio & Renata! Thank you so much for caring all the way from Italy and taking the time to say so. L, Hallelujah!

    Hey, Sinar … if you read this, could you please post the “Hugs from Italy Hallelujah” song from me to Claudio & Renata? It’s already linked somewhere above. Thanks!

  295. Not even close to as funny as your anecdote, Ann, but you might enjoy that I came after the orange when Dr. Denk learned laser surgery. You see, we were on a Caribbean cruise and that’s where he learned how to do it. To practice, he first had to master lasering on an orange. After that, he had to practice on a real person. Well, that was me. I had a small growth on the top of my left forearm and that’s what he chose to laser. I couldn’t/wouldn’t watch his work. So he practiced away on that spot and pretty soon he said, “All done, Dear, you can look now.” When I looked at the spot it was all black, you know essentially a bunch of burned skin. Well, I almost passed out. I believe Dr. Denk quickly learned a lesson: Do the lasering then either clean it up or bandage it. Don’t expect the patient to admire your work. Oh, yes, I still have the scar. Remember, he was still learning. L, H

  296. Thoughtful said ~~
    I just realized Little Bear Victor (Kalle) told me today how he saw DM knock the crap out of Bert Trussel in R Comps.

    Yet another DM assault and battery.
    Yet another felony he got away with
    Yet another action against the LAW covered up by the “Church”.

    How very religious for the “Leader at the Helm” of the FASTEST GROWING RELIGION of the 21st Century to
    “knock the crap out of”
    a Sea Org Member who could not fight back.

    Religious indeed.

  297. Thanks for clarifying Rachel.
    you said ~~
    The fact that it was falsely documented is a point of consternation and has led to a great deal of difficulty!
    False documentation is a type of financial irregularity.
    It is more commonly called FRAUD

  298. Veritas,
    Profound and moving. Thank you for taking the time to relate this story.

  299. Freedom~ ‘The ability to position matter or energy in space and time.’

    In the “Church” of Scientology this is frowned upon unless it is matter or energy they approve of that enhances their space or time.

    So, basically you are essentially in some form of spiritual slavery to the church.

    God- it sure feels good to position my energy. 🙂


    Rachel- I think it so awesome that you personally acked every person that wrote to you. It is super sweet and really awesome. Have an awesome day.

  300. Great Version

  301. Hi Rachel, It’s very good to hear from you! I was on staff with you at LA Day in the 70’s and it’s great that you are doing well and away from the “noise”. Our condolences on your loss of Gene. I did not know him well – he treated me once for a broken rib – but I liked his office handling. If you wish to comm further, my e-mail address is attached. Love, Exilda

  302. Dear Brian,

    Thank you for this comment. You are very bright, you know, and I’m seeing you are also capable of communicating with wisdom.

    Yes, I acknowledged every person that wrote to me. That’s because each person and their comment is important to me.

    No, you have an awesome day yourself! L, H

  303. Last line should read: Now, you have an awesome day yourself!

  304. Pure, unadulterated and beautiful truth.
    Thank you

  305. one of those who see

    Hi Underdog,
    Welcome! Great to see you here!

  306. Ann,
    I had the same issue once, same diagnosis, same innocence as far as there being any “unusual adult activity” and got a line out of Gene I’ll never forget.
    I had a cat who liked to drink out of the toilet from time to time if I forgot to put the lid down. And so I inquired of the Doc if I might have caught the infection from the cat?
    Obviously Gene couldn’t pass that opportunity up and came back with; “It depends on what your doing with the cat” … deadpan delivery and wry smile on his face all the while of course.

  307. Hello Exilda! I remember you fondly from our early days at LA Org. I actually knew you were around here somewhere as you had posted earlier. So glad you chose to comment now and offer your condolences. Very much appreciated … L, H

  308. Mike Hobson


    We build the first one under LA Org in the room that used to have hydro therapy equipment an a swimming pool. First, the empty pool got a wooden deck with a very sturdy frame to span the pool and then the very large sauna was constructed on top of that deck.

    I remember being very surprised to see Rev. Heber Jentzch in there on the Purif pilot with me. If you were on that pilot, then I’m sure we met at that time.

    Michael A. Hobson

  309. Hi Rachel,
    Thank you for the post. Gene was my personal doctor from the 70s up to whenever he left Shaw… for good. I often wondered what really happened to Gene and You. One day he was my doctor and then…Not. I was handed off to Megan with some story which i don’t recall. It’s interesting how rumors abound when your a Scientologist because the truth is rarely given without “spin.” I liked Gene and asked him one time, why he still smoked because it seemed an odd thing to do with all the data we have on smoking and it’s dire consequences to one’s health. If I recall correctly, he told me that smoking wasn’t all that bad for a person so I have to think he believed the BS Hubbard had written about it not being harmful. If the rumors are correct he died from lung cancer. Is that correct? I got into Scientology in 1975 and left in 2009. It took a decade to get out from under the “spell” and leave, for good after doing most of the bridge on both sides. Thank you again for your post. It takes away a ton of “wondering.”

  310. Thank you so much. Each of your posts left me speechless and joyously grateful. I understand, that is why we are here! Carry On!!!

  311. Thanks for the info, Mike! Doggone it … I do remember the empty pool in the LA Org basement but I don’t remember the sauna being there. For some reason, I seem to remember the very first sauna being in the ASHO basement. It was very small and the space around it wasn’t renovated at the time. I don’t remember Heber being on the Purif with me so I doubt I’d recognize you. Oh, well. I was LA Day staff at the time and I’m pretty sure it was called a pilot. Hey, I wonder if Sinar was around at the time we’re talking about and if he has any recollection about this. L, H

  312. Bill Straass

    Dear Rachel,
    I met Dr Denk in May 2002 after 23 year in the SO. I was sent to see Dr Denk from the Freewinds which was in the Bahamas. As I entered his office he looked up and said ” They didn’t telly ou, did they. I said no and he told me that I had tested positive for HIV. The ship execs didn’t tellme, but they called Gene and told him. Dr Denk told me that I needed to go to the AIDS clinic in LA and I said OK. His office worker set up an appointment for me. Unfortunatly the staff member sent to take me to see Gene was in the middle of getting his back handled by a chiro in Sacramento. My appointment at the AIDS clinic was not for 5 weeks and so we went back to Sacramento so that he could get continued treatment . The ship took the advice of this chiro (Gene referred to him as “Jimmy”; you probably know who I am talking about) for me not to return to LA for treatment. The is the equivalent of being sentenced to death as I had been infected by blood products in Curacao 13 years earlier and my T cel count was at zero.
    (This computer has never run this slow and I suspect that either this site is being jammed or that my computer has the DM virus. I will scan it and continue later. Love, Bill Straass

  313. Gaary — Thanks for your comment.

    Actually, after the chemo, radiation and spiritual assistance, the lung cancer was in remission. Yet the chemo and radiation were quite destructive to the body and, in the end, that’s what he died from.

    I prefer to not enter a discussion on what Dr. Denk said to you; or what he believed; or why we might think he believed what he believed. That’s far too difficult to sort out without him around. I’m sure you understand.

    Yes, I’m sure there’s been “wondering” about Dr. Denk and myself. I’m glad you feel my post has helped with that. L, H

  314. Bill Straass — Patiently awaiting the rest of your story. L, H

  315. Bill Straass

    Dear Rachel,
    While I was in Sacramento with “Jimmy” I got blood testing, which I sent to Gene and “Jimmy ” worked on me. He did not know anything about HIV, but he cared , which was something the ship clearly did not. They assumed that I was as good as dead already, and the Captain Freewinds told my wife in his office that there was nothing anyone could do for me and that she should just end cycle on me. She was held a prisoner for 6 months until I was all but dead. After she finally got off the ship we went to see Gene .
    Gene said “I was glad to hear in your letter that you were doing better and then I read that god awful blood test.”
    Dr Denk had the correct idea and the failure or refusal of the Ship execs to follow his recommendations came within inches of resulting in my demise. By the time I started proper treatment ( in complete violation of Jimmy’s recommendations) I could no longer walk or dress myself and had severe dementia. If it were not for my wife getting me onto the progrsm that Gene had recommended 7 months earlier, I would not be writing this post.
    Readers of this are probably saying “You dumb ass; Why the hell did you not follow Gene’s recommendations in the first place ?”
    The reason is simple, Sea Org members do not choose there own medical treatment. They have a billion year contract so there death is expected anyway and after 21 years the will return to duty.
    My Fitness Board origionally stated that I was granted an extended leave of absence. and was to return to duty “as soon as possible next lifetime”. I was told this by the person who wrote the issue. Apparanty IJC removed the “next lifetime” part. In other words I was given permission to die and come back later. It was the easiest LOA I received in the SO.
    I will have another post on that subject soon.

  316. martyrathbun09

    Thank you for surviving Bill. And for letting the world in on what happened.

  317. Rachel, I make no claims of perfect recollection. Maybe there was one under the ASHO part of the complex and I simply don’t know about it or my memory is faulty. Maybe my 1979-ish Purif. wasn’t actually the original Pilot ?
    Michael A. Hobson

  318. My goodness, that’s quite a story, Bill! So glad you could complete telling it. I’m glad you listened to Gene and followed his instructions. Well done to your wife for all her help to you.

    And ditto what Marty said:

    “Thank you for surviving Bill. And for letting the world in on what happened.”


  319. Sorry H.
    That sentence of mine should maybe of read;
     [I am a] Broken pond. Must sign off here. Thanks. Stay cool. [everyone]
      …  I was really drunk at the ….
    The link I felt was a rather good parody of what we in the Indy field were doing. A few who agreed to push some of the many obstacles, many of us have in our way, like grains of sand, we pushed them, out of our way. And down comes a postulate greater then us, a flow everyone can enjoy, we can not help to stop. That of Freedom.

    I am joyfully signing off. Thank you Marty and Mosey. Blessings to all of you!
    Stay cool.

  320. Antoine — Thanks for beautifully clarifying your post. Got it! H

  321. Rachel, I’m late to the party, but I can see that you’ve found yourself at home now.
    I’ll contribute another Hallelujah for you, one that I’ve posted before I think, but which just gave me another round of goosebumps. It shows an act of grace. In the midst of an ordinary day, without having made any payment for concert tickets or otherwise earning the right to be “entertained”, people suddenly found themselves given a gift, ephemeral, fleeting and exquisitely beautiful.

    Bill Strauss, I’m glad you’re here and that you and your wife have each other. You’re not alone.

  322. Heather G — Thank you for a beautifully written comment and an aptly posted link. You sure got it right! L, H

  323. Bill Straass

    Thank you Heather, for your ack. I am in Oregon taking care of my mother. My wife just told me that she has sent a disconnection letter to Scott Campbell for joining this group. When she finds out that I am here she will probably disconnect from me too. As Scott said, “She will have to find out the hard way.” I asked Scott, Well Isn’t that how we learned? You went crazy and I was pronounced dead by the ship.

  324. Dear Rachel,
    Thank you so much for coming forward and telling yours and Gene’s story. He was my doc in Shaws when I was in the SO in LA. Up until reading this I had no idea he had passed away. And what a character he was! My condolences, though I really too can feel his grin, seeing all this happen. Since he was the old mans doc, there were many questions I always wanted to ask him and never could and should. Never mind. I truly feel he is well and a great doc he was!
    Thanks for sharing!

  325. Hi Dominic,

    Sorry you had to find out about Gene’s passing on this blog.

    However, thank you for your very warm comment! L, H

  326. Dear Bill
    This a personal message, as I have read that you are suffering from aids. There is powerful and cheap answer to this. I have nothing to sell to you so it just to help you, you are young, you could live many much time. I was a scientologist during 25 years before leaving the church.You have nothing to loose, it’s a cure. It’s called MMS from its inventor Jim Humble. Avalaible on the net. Much love. Cheap and very powerful.

  327. Dear Rachel.
    Shappy to see your face and read the posts, I love the photo, and miss you both. Love Graham

  328. Thanks, Graham! Glad to see you here … L, Rachel

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